Guys and OLD

[WhirlwindGuy]

I seem to run really hot and cold with OLD sites. Sometimes ill go on and find a couple of connections really quickly, other times it seems like I send out 20 - 30 or more messages and get ignored.

 

 

Is this just normal for OLD? I wouldn't say im some male model or anything. I think im decent looking, but I'm average I guess. My pictures aren't amazing, I don't have a photographer, I just snap pictures when I can and update them. I have a few of me and my son.

 

 

I feel like my bio is OK. Its pretty run of the mill I guess.

 

 

What are you guys' experience with this? I send messages to girls I feel are well within my league, some probably below my league a bit and of course a couple just out of it. It seems my average is dismal. The few in my league girls I attract (3:50) are complete nuts...and it ends terribly. They seem to all be scared away by the fact that I treat them well and don't run game...it throws them off apparently. The couple of below my league girls ive attracted, I just cant get into it, but they are COMPLETELY into me. The above my league never even give me the time of day.

 

 

What is the magic formula here? I finally bit the bullet and paid for match.com yesterday. Out of 20 emails ive sent out, I got 1 reply. Is that just how it is?

Edited June 20, 2016 by WhirlwindGuy

[BikerAccnt]

Pretty much how it is. However, I don't send out that many emails, I'm pretty selective about who I send them to, so my return percentage is closer to 40%.

 

That said, I don't think your experience is unusual. Even though I say my overall percentage is around 40, sometimes it's quite concentrated. I can go weeks without anyone replying, and then, everyone does. Feast or famine.

 

Oh, and I don't meet up with anywhere near as many people as respond. So far in 2 months back on old, only met up with 3 people, and they wen't nowhere.

[ChocolateRain]

i think the issue at hand is that women normally get bombarded with messages and there are many to choose from ... so not all messages get answered .

 

i dont know how the majority deals with this but me i try to focus on only those i am really interested in and therefore some messages get ignored .

 

imagine you get 20 mails a day , do you answer all of them ? Do you keep in touch with all of them ? ( lol unless you have a OLD Secretary )

 

As others have said before me ... bring a lot of patience

 

Best of Luck !!!

[JuneJulySeptember]

It was the same for me.

 

As a matter of fact, I think I sent exactly 20 messages on Match.com to get my first response. I, as well, thought every one of those first 20 was a reasonable reach, and that they would actually be excited to hear from me. Crickets.

 

At the end of the day, the woman I ended up with winked/favorited me first. So, theoretically, I could have sent zero messages over a year and the results would have been the same. And she is attractive. More attractive than probably 90% of the women I messaged.

 

A couple of tips...

 

1) Less active women are more likely to be good catches. I had more than 3 dates with two women and both were over 3 weeks active. Some women don't fish through male profiles like candy in a candy store. They look for a guy who might treat them nice and ignore the rest of the messages.

 

2) Don't take it seriously and forget about leagues. Treat it like a game of craps. If you win, you win, if you lose, it has nothing to do with you.

[WhirlwindGuy]

Pretty much how it is. However, I don't send out that many emails, I'm pretty selective about who I send them to, so my return percentage is closer to 40%.

 

That said, I don't think your experience is unusual. Even though I say my overall percentage is around 40, sometimes it's quite concentrated. I can go weeks without anyone replying, and then, everyone does. Feast or famine.

 

Oh, and I don't meet up with anywhere near as many people as respond. So far in 2 months back on old, only met up with 3 people, and they wen't nowhere.

 

Im typically pretty picky about my first contacts too, but I decided to open up a bit and just start sending out messages based on surface criteria, looks mostly. If I got replies then talk more and see if we are compatible on any other level.

 

I have found that almost everyone's "bio" reads very close to the same. "easy going, looking for mr. right, etc" Very few are actually unique, and the ones that are, i definitely put a bit more effort into what i send them.

[Gaeta]

You have to make sure to not over-exposure yourself and become part of the furniture in there. I went online 2 weeks at a time then deleted my profile and waited 2 weeks.

 

I would also alternate. I would spend 2 weeks on one site, then went on a different site for 2 weeks and alternated like this.

 

I also updated my pictures often.

 

It's just a matter of catching the eyes of someone and if you did not catch her eye on first time around you may catch her eye on second time around with new pictures.

 

You know when you get the most attention is when you arrive online. New profiles are always more visible.

 

The first day I made a profile within hours I would get 800 views and 100 messages. That craziness lasted 3 days maximum, then a couple of messages a day, then nothingness.

 

If there is no activity then leave and come back later.

 

There are also better times during the year. Spring and fall are big. Summer is a bit quiet. Right when school starts beginning of September it's full of people again.

[BikerAccnt]

I agree, many are very generic. I may be having somewhat better luck because of my age group, (Im 55) and I am specifically looking for women who are interested in motorcycle riding. If it's not mentioned as an interest, unless there is something else really intriguing besides appearance, I don't write them.

 

So it could be I'm fishing in a smaller pond.

[BikerAccnt]

 

I would also alternate. I would spend 2 weeks on one site, then went on a different site for 2 weeks and alternated like this.

 

I also updated my pictures often.

 

It's just a matter of catching the eyes of someone and if you did not catch her eye on first time around you may catch her eye on second time around with new pictures.

 

You know when you get the most attention is when you arrive online. New profiles are always more visible.

 

.

 

This is actually a really good idea. I know that most of the women I did end up meeting, had been on the site a while and had mentioned that they weren't getting the messages they had been. So if you can hone in on those who you've seen on the site for a while, you may have a better chance of getting a response.

[central]

Response patterns are very erratic, in my experience - it's never a steady flow of communication.

 

 

I find that a good profile and photo selection results in women contacting me - I reply to any contacts or winks/nudges/flirts/etc., but I am very decisive about saying I'm not interested unless we seem to have the same goals and some interests in common (in addition to apparent attraction). I'm only seeking FWB-type situations, so will only initiate contact with women who imply that as their goal as well.

[SwordofFlame]

I agree that my luck with OLD also tends to run hot and cold. I can go a few weeks with no matches, but then all of a sudden get three in one week.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I know that most of the women I did end up meeting, had been on the site a while and had mentioned that they weren't getting the messages they had been. So if you can hone in on those who you've seen on the site for a while, you may have a better chance of getting a response.

 

Highly disagree, the women that have become veterans of the site are most picky and highly unrealistic.

 

They've already ignored my emails. One time I took a leave of absence from POF for a while, came back, but did not register, but just do a search and saw mostly they same women that had ignored me before, still there...living a life of spinsterhood online.

 

The best ones that have the headliners of, "Here I am, trying this again!"

 

And they emphasize this...again, in the opening of their profile.

 

I have found that I have better response rate with NEWCOMERS to the site, esp. the ones that hadn't done online dating in their lives. lol

 

It's a strike while the iron's hot situation.

[Larryville]

I don't send out that many emails, I'm pretty selective about who I send them to, so my return percentage is closer to 40%.

 

but I decided to open up a bit and just start sending out messages based on surface criteria, looks mostly.

 

I’m the same I don’t send out that many messages either and I am careful only to send to people who are fairly active.

 

Another thing I do is I never keep my profile visible, meaning I keep hidden so the only people who do reply are those I specifically sent emails to.

 

Another thing I have mentioned before if there is a woman on a given site who has amazing pictures I don’t bother. You always must consider your pool of women in your “grouping” or “league” referring to another thread. I think it is pointless and self-defeating to send messages to women who if you think they are hot and you are in a population region with a relatively low population density that woman is getting more emails than she can handle.

 

I will admit I am starting to bend towards staying more and more away from OLD, I have been a defender because I personally have had decent success “meeting” pretty decent women but I just think many are tired of dudes who as many say (screw them over, or ghost) so it goes to the thread I started, they see it more like LS more general socializing, some women want or “need” the attention and are flattered by the attention they get from dudes but except for the younger women they are not really wanting to get with a guy to establish any substance. Just my 2 cents.

[WhirlwindGuy]

Im hoping this is ok, but I'm seriously tired of dating and trying to take it seriously this time around.

 

I am going to put myself out there for critique...go easy guys...but seriously; give me some honest feedback. Im just looking for ways to improve my chances of meeting a reasonable lady.

 

https://www4.match.com/profile/about/efPZUNhbngksbrAZoSN0Pw2?

Edited June 20, 2016 by WhirlwindGuy

[Gaeta]

Im hoping this is ok, but I'm seriously tired of dating and trying to take it seriously this time around.

 

I am going to put myself out there for critique...go easy guys...but seriously; give me some honest feedback. Im just looking for ways to improve my chances of meeting a reasonable lady.

 

https://www4.match.com/profile/about/efPZUNhbngksbrAZoSN0Pw2?

 

We need a match account to see your profile.

[Larryville]

WWG (I could not see where link takes you) I will say this as my piece of advice, in your profile absolutely don’t be generic. I don’t know your age or country where you reside but way too many people have lost the art of written communication and fill their profile with meaningless clichés and references about life activities that frankly are meaningless.

 

Things like “I’m here for….”

 

My friends say….

 

I like…. Whatever activity.

 

Never list “descriptors” such as smart, attractive, romantic, thoughtful, trustworthy, sexy, passionate, fearless, honest or friendly are labelled "empty adjectives" You can’t list something that the person you are seeking can’t possible know until they have known you for some time.

 

I suggest too many, make your profile provocative, challenging, make them think or give them something to consider that makes you a unique human being.

If you want a woman of quality and substance that starts with her being able to think and communicate and if she is truly interested she will respond to the challenge and challenge you to follow up and or elaborate thus dig deeper.

 

Women are bombarded by inane juvenile banter and sexual innuendo, be anything but that. Not saying it will guarantee you long term success but if your profile stimulates the brain cells you might attract more genuine interest.

[WhirlwindGuy]

We need a match account to see your profile.

 

 

 

ugh, ok...well worth a try.

[Larryville]

Will LS allow you to copy and paste profile? Although you will eventually get moved...

[LookAtThisPOst]

WWG (I could not see where link takes you) I will say this as my piece of advice, in your profile absolutely don’t be generic. I don’t know your age or country where you reside but way too many people have lost the art of written communication and fill their profile with meaningless clichés and references about life activities that frankly are meaningless.

 

Things like “I’m here for….”

 

My friends say….

 

I like…. Whatever activity.

 

Never list “descriptors” such as smart, attractive, romantic, thoughtful, trustworthy, sexy, passionate, fearless, honest or friendly are labelled "empty adjectives" You can’t list something that the person you are seeking can’t possible know until they have known you for some time.

 

I suggest too many, make your profile provocative, challenging, make them think or give them something to consider that makes you a unique human being.

If you want a woman of quality and substance that starts with her being able to think and communicate and if she is truly interested she will respond to the challenge and challenge you to follow up and or elaborate thus dig deeper.

 

Women are bombarded by inane juvenile banter and sexual innuendo, be anything but that. Not saying it will guarantee you long term success but if your profile stimulates the brain cells you might attract more genuine interest.

 

Hate to say this, but I would say about over 90% of women's profiles have descriptors and cliche's and yet, men still email themm lol

[JuneJulySeptember]

Im hoping this is ok, but I'm seriously tired of dating and trying to take it seriously this time around.

 

I am going to put myself out there for critique...go easy guys...but seriously; give me some honest feedback. Im just looking for ways to improve my chances of meeting a reasonable lady.

 

https://www4.match.com/profile/about/efPZUNhbngksbrAZoSN0Pw2?

 

Your profile looks fine to me.

 

You're tall, white, and make good money. You've got more going on than I have in those departments. Then again, you were probably messaging different women. I didn't message too many good looking white women who made really good money.

 

If you message women that you think are a good match, expect to get rejected still the majority of the time. That's just how it works.

 

I don't see why you wouldn't find someone eventually though.

 

With your stats, you can cast a really wide net and that helps your odds. I'll admit your child is a negative in OLD, but nothing you can do about that.

Edited June 20, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[WhirlwindGuy]

Your profile looks fine to me.

 

You're tall, white, and make good money. You've got more going on than I have in those departments. Then again, you were probably messaging different women. I didn't message too many good looking white women who made really good money.

 

If you message women that you think are a good match, expect to get rejected still the majority of the time. That's just how it works.

 

I don't see why you wouldn't find someone eventually though.

 

With your stats, you can cast a really wide net and that helps your odds. I'll admit your child is a negative in OLD, but nothing you can do about that.

 

Thank you for the assessment. I don't shoot for just well off white girls. I actually prefer petite hispanic girls and most often find myself reaching out to them first.

 

I appreciate it.

[sc0316]

Just curious: You stated in your profile that you prefer only Caucasian or Latino women. If I'm not mistaken, your dentist ex gf is neither, right? Did she contact you first? When and how often do you break your own "rule"?

[WhirlwindGuy]

Just curious: You stated in your profile that you prefer only Caucasian or Latino women. If I'm not mistaken, your dentist ex gf is neither, right? Did she contact you first? When and how often do you break your own "rule"?

 

 

 

I don't prefer ONLY anyone. I wouldn't say I had any rule. I prefer Hispanic women, but am open to speak to anyone really. Sometimes you find a connection in unsuspecting places.

 

 

She contacted me first.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I don't prefer ONLY anyone. I wouldn't say I had any rule. I prefer Hispanic women, but am open to speak to anyone really. Sometimes you find a connection in unsuspecting places.

 

 

She contacted me first.

 

If that's really the case, then I would change your profile to accept all races.

 

When I saw a woman that listed specific races, but failed to include mine, I took that to mean she wouldn't date my race. And I never got a message or a reply from a woman like that.

 

People don't take that as a preference. They take that to mean "That's what you want and will accept nothing else."

[WhirlwindGuy]

If that's really the case, then I would change your profile to accept all races.

 

When I saw a woman that listed specific races, but failed to include mine, I took that to mean she wouldn't date my race. And I never got a message or a reply from a woman like that.

 

People don't take that as a preference. They take that to mean "That's what you want and will accept nothing else."

 

Oh jeez, thanks. I didn't even know I had selected that. I will change it.

[normal person]

Is this just normal for OLD? I wouldn't say im some male model or anything. I think im decent looking, but I'm average I guess. My pictures aren't amazing, I don't have a photographer, I just snap pictures when I can and update them.

 

I feel like my bio is OK. Its pretty run of the mill I guess.

 

 

What are you guys' experience with this? I send messages to girls I feel are well within my league, some probably below my league a bit and of course a couple just out of it. It seems my average is dismal.

 

I bolded what I saw was the theme of this. Being "average" is kind of the kiss of death for men who use OLD. Women don't get excited about "average." Imagine women describing you to her friends: "Yeah, he's great. He's just so standard issue, run of the mill, middling, commonplace, and vanilla. He's not good or bad. He's just such a passable guy with nothing of note about him. He's just another dime-a-dozen guy without anything interesting going on. It gets me so hot."

 

You get the point.

 

The catalog nature of it favors the exceptional and discards mostly everyone else. Everyone wants the best for themselves, they aren't going to settle for less unless they're thoroughly humbled or smart enough to realize what they can realistically get for a partner with the complex context of the marketplace. If you have to message women, you're probably doing it wrong.

 

The fix isn't an easy one to implement, but it's at least simple to understand: don't be average. Focus ways to differentiate yourself and your profile. Highlight your defining characteristics and hang your hat on the things that make you different from everyone else and all the hundred other profiles she's seen that day. Highlight the things a woman wants to see in a partner, not more the stuff she's read in everyone else's profile. If you can't figure out a way to do this, maybe OLD isn't the best avenue for you. If your great attributes don't translate well to paper, you'll probably find better success in person than online.

 

Best of luck.

Edited June 21, 2016 by normal person