Everything Going Amazingly...all of sudden done

June 27, 2016

I don't think she's in any rush to get into a relationship if she said she doesn't want to rush anything. And i actually completely believe her when she said that and that she's scared to get into another relationship too soon since her last relationship ended just in mid-late March or maybe even April, not sure, where she was engaged, had a kid, and the cheated on twice. I know it's not a sudden list of interest or anything. It could be a rebound situation, I'm completely aware that. When she was drunk she admitted to always thinking about me and being obsessed, she'd text me good morning, text me all day, if I didn't text her for a few hours shed text me asking why in not talking to her, she'd get really pisssd if I liked other girls pics on social media, we agreed to no longer see other people, she'd text me way late at night telling me to wake up cause she wants to talk, she'd face time me and call me everyday and we'd talk on the phone for 1-3 hours before bed, always calling me babe and baby, everything felt like a relationship.

But the reason I'm not initiating is cause she's the one that said she wanted to slow things down a bit. So I'm backing off, and letting her go at a pace that she's comfortable with, that means communication as well. I kinda feel like if I were to text her first she may think I'm not getting the idea of slowing things down and giving each other more space. BUT, when things were going great between us before we had that talk she did say how she's always the one initiating everything, which she really was, but she didn't seem to mind it.

I just feel like I'm in a pretty vulnerable and weak position right now with her being the one to slow things down and me telling her that she's everything I could ask for in a girl, that she really motivates me and makes me a better person, and that I'd be willing do whatever it takes to make a relationship work with her and if being a part of her life means being a father to her son then I'm okay with that.

I know it's usually not a good idea to tell a girl how you feel about her, but in our situation where she felt very strongly about me as well, and I never told her how I felt before I thought it might be okay. she's also really affectionate and always gave me crap for never calling her babe or baby and never saying anything sweet so that's another reason I thought finally Somethjng sweet or telling her how I felt would be okay. But after saying it I just feel very weak and pathetic

Despite popular beliefs it is OK for a guy to express his feelings. It can actually be quite SEXY as long as it is genuine and not done over the top way early on.

June 27, 2016

Yeah he doesn't like feeling insecure, so looks for ways to flip it and behave in ways that cause HER to feel on edge, off balance and insecure!

To alleviate HIS discomfort..and feel more in control. Have the *upper hand*.

That is what he asking for here, why he started this thread....

Unfortunately yes there are many men like this. And I guess women too.

I hope you agree that is effed up though..and completely dysfunctional.

Soooo many men like this for sure. It is rooted in how boys are raised. Feelings are not to be displayed. They are sign of weekness. It such a self defeating cultural ideology. Its one of the main causes of this push and pull game playing nature so often described here on LS and the subject of countless "the one that got way" themed love songs lol

June 27, 2016

I was referring to his honest feelings (when he said he told her how he felt). Not everyone plays games. Some people are real, all the time. Maybe it is an age thing.

What of her behaviors indicate she has "back burnered" him? They are having sex and seeing each other pretty regularly. What should she be doing to advance the relationship? It is still a new one... They are still discovering who each other is as a person and sorting mentally if they are a good fit. She is a mom so her vetting process SHOULD be slow and cautious. I see absolutely nothing wrong here as long as OP can get control, not of her (no upper hand bull - we no longer live in caves people) but of his insecurities. He is just feeling vulnerable which sucks whether you are a man or a women but his feeling this way is a sign he really likes her and his heart is opening up to the possibilities of them... Its how the good stuff starts. No risk, no gain.

Did you read his previous thread?

June 27, 2016

Did you read his previous thread?

Thank you lol. Really don't think it's a case of me being put in the back burner. Ever since we've had that talk about her being scared to get into a relationship so soon, she's initiated every single time we've talked. When I put a girl on he back burner, I might contact her once or twice a week just to keep her in the loop.

Everything has made sense so it's why I believe her. Things were going amazingly, we had to cancel plans, and I was pretty disappointed and just got quiet in the phone with her, cause I was just so excited for these plans that we had that we had planned a week in adavance and we had both talked about all week. Then she got kinda upset that I acted that way. And I could tell ever since we got off the phone she was acting different. And finally she told me why. And it was that she said I just don't understand her life and what it's like to be a single mother with hardly any help from anyone else, and that plans are going to be cancelled, she won't always have someone to watch her kid, and that because of how hurt she got in her last relationship, she doesn't want to dive into another so soon, cause she's scared. And she said the next guy she dates, she plans on marrying, so she wants to be careful. She said the next guy she dates she plans on marrying because she wants her son to have a good father figure in his life cause as of now, he doesn't have one at all. She'd already brought me around him once, but she said she doesn't want to date a bunch of different guys and keep bringing different guys around her son. So that's why she's being careful. It all makes sense to me, and we've been good ever since we had that conversation where I told her how I felt, that I'd be okay being a father figure for her son, that I do understand her life and I just have to be understanding and patient.

Just everything she's saying makes sense and adds up. We still talk everyday and have plans to hangout as soon as she's free. Which is most likely this upcoming Weekend. But she told me on Thursday that right now she just hates her life and has been in weird moods and just irritated so easily. And k think that's because since our plans have been cancelled, she realized her social life is taking A huge hit, she lost the huge majority of her friends when she got pregnant and had a kid, no more going out every weekend, and now she's a single mom who struggles just to be able to make plans to hang out with a guy she likes. He life has just drastically changed.

June 27, 2016

Just live your life, stop caring about stupid things like who has the upper hand.

June 27, 2016

she realized her social life is taking A huge hit, she lost the huge majority of her friends when she got pregnant and had a kid, no more going out every weekend, and now she's a single mom who struggles just to be able to make plans to hang out with a guy she likes. He life has just drastically changed.

Yeah, welcome to life as a single parent... fortunately it sounds like she is at least being responsible to her kid

June 27, 2016

Yeah, welcome to life as a single parent... fortunately it sounds like she is at least being responsible to her kid

Yeah, as she should be . He comes first obviously. But yeah I'm going to stop worrying. Less I worry, the better things will get im sure. Good thing I'm so damn good at hiding it lol. Most guys would probably blow up her phone.

June 27, 2016

If I was on social media and she saw shed text me and say "why aren't you texting me if you're on social media" face timing me every night. Calling once or twice a day.

YIKES

June 27, 2016

I don't think she's in any rush to get into a relationship if she said she doesn't want to rush anything. And i actually completely believe her when she said that and that she's scared to get into another relationship too soon

Yet she calls you multiple times every day, stalks you around online and contacts you all the time and admits to being "obsessed"?

Her actions say otherwise. They either say she's desperate or just very very needy.

Neither of which are good ingredients for a healthy relationship. Add to that your desire for the "upper hand" and you're in for an interesting ride.

June 27, 2016

Yet she calls you multiple times every day, stalks you around online and contacts you all the time and admits to being "obsessed"?

Her actions say otherwise. They either say she's desperate or just very very needy.

Neither of which are good ingredients for a healthy relationship. Add to that your desire for the "upper hand" and you're in for an interesting ride.

Lol true. Idk we'll see. Why not just give it a shot. The upper hand thing I guess really isn't a big deal. It's just unusual to me. Cause with every girl I'm with I seem to always be in control and have the upper hand. Not in like an overly dominant agressive way, but the girls always texting me first, she seems more interested than me, etc. but there's going to be power shifts in relationships.

June 27, 2016

Yet she calls you multiple times every day, stalks you around online and contacts you all the time and admits to being "obsessed"?

Her actions say otherwise. They either say she's desperate or just very very needy.

Neither of which are good ingredients for a healthy relationship. Add to that your desire for the "upper hand" and you're in for an interesting ride.

And that was all before we had to cancel plans and I got kinda pissed. I think that really made her step back and think about the whole situation.

June 27, 2016

Lol true. Idk we'll see. Why not just give it a shot. The upper hand thing I guess really isn't a big deal. It's just unusual to me. Cause with every girl I'm with I seem to always be in control and have the upper hand. Not in like an overly dominant agressive way, but the girls always texting me first, she seems more interested than me, etc. but there's going to be power shifts in relationships.

It sounds to me like you *already* have the upper hand.

This chick is constantly texting you, chasing you, stalking you on social media, freaks out if you don't text her, she is insecure, needy, what more could a man like you ask for?? Lol

Dude you HAVE the upper hand, not sure what more you want.

June 27, 2016

It sounds to me like you *already* have the upper hand.

This chick is constantly texting you, stalking you on social media, freaks out if you don't text her, she is insecure, needy, what more could a man like you ask for?? Lol

Dude you HAVE the upper hand, not sure what more you want.

Yeah...I did. I guess you didn't read the part about the conversation we had and the whole "let's not rush things" part

June 27, 2016

Yeah...I did. I guess you didn't read the part about the conversation we had and the whole "let's not rush things" part

Actions (hers) speak louder than words.

Is she still constantly texting? Yes

Is she still doing all the initiating? Yes

Is she still checking your social media? Yes.

Is she still insecure and needy? Yes

Forget what she *says* her actions say otherwise.

My guess is she told you she doesn't want to rush things so SHE could gain some semblance of control.

I am not buying it.

A woman who doesn't want to rush things does not act like this chick is acting.

Believe me, you have not lost the upper hand.

You still have it....

June 27, 2016

If I have to play any kinds of games or feel like I need to struggle for power in a relationship then it isn't a relationship I want to be in. So if that's how you feel my advice to you would be to reconsider if this is worth it.

June 27, 2016

Actions (hers) speak louder than words.

Is she still constantly texting? Yes

Is she still doing all the initiating? Yes

Is she still checking your social media? Yes.

Is she still insecure and needy? Yes

Forget what she *says* her actions say otherwise.

My guess is she told you she doesn't want to rush things so SHE could gain some semblance of control.

I am not buying it.

A woman who doesn't want to rush things does not act like this chick is acting.

Believe me, you have not lost the upper hand.

You still have it....

Well she's not constantly texting. She initiates. But it's not like it was. But I'm thinking part of the not texting as much is just part of her giving each other some space and a way to slow things down a bit. Cause she'd always text me good morning and we'd talk all day from there. Now I might here from here at 11 am, 3pm, maybe not till 6-7 pm. But she still initiates. Check it social media, Idk, she watches my snapchats but that means nothing at all. But I'm not so worried about the upper hand thing any more. I guess it's all in my head since I told her how I feel. And me telling her that just makes me feel weak like I've already said. But she probably loved it.

I'm probably reallllyyy over thinking things and im worrying about things that haven't happened and probably won't.

Edited June 27, 2016 by Reitteg813

June 27, 2016

A rule of thumb I've kind of set for myself over the years, based on nothing but personal experience and a bit of "growing up," is that if there's any need in myself or the other person to:

- "play games" (push/pull, whatever you want to call it)

- do the whole "let's slow things down" (if things are moving too fast to think they need to be slowed down: RED FLAG!)

-wait to see who texts who first

then that relationship isn't right for me.

Healthy relationships flow naturally and there's enough honesty and compatibility to not have to resort to that childish game play, which is just a different way of calling emotional unavailability.

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