Everything Going Amazingly...all of sudden done

June 20, 2016

So this girl and I have been seeing each other for a few months. We got along amazingly, connection was great, same sense of humor, sexual compatibility was crazy. She got jealous if I liked any other girls stuff on social media, we talked every day, always snapchatting me, she went on vacation and she told me how much she missed me so many times, how she can't wait to see me. We would face time for an hour, up to even 3.5 hours, always getting good morning texts, alway calling me baby and babe, we agreed pretty quickly that we weren't seeing any other people, we had amazing sex.

We made plans like a week ago for this past Saturday, she was so excited and told me how much she was and Friday night she cancels cause she's a single teen mom (19) and her ex was not coming home and she had no one to watch her son so she couldn't make it. Just the night before we face timed for an hour and talked all day like usual. Ever since our plans got messed up and cancelled she had been acting different.texting me differently, not snapchatting me as much. We face timed yesterday and she said everything was fine and she's tell me if something was wrong. Tried to face time her last night and texted her once and I haven't heard since.

So so confusing how everything was going great, saw a relationship coming, and all of a sudden just gone. I highly doubt she's going to her ex cause he cheated on her twice and that's why it ended. I highly doubt any guy in the picture cause she hardly has a social life with her kid and her and I agreed to delete tinder and with how she was talking to me, our plans, and face timing for hours every night I don't see that being the case. I don't think she'd just drop everything we had going for someone new.

So weird. She has been single for about 2.5 month so we started talking fairy soon after her break up. So being a single mother is new for her. She's been very stressed, telling me how her sons driving her nuts, said she wish she could just put him bsck in her stomach, she has been noticeable more irritable lately and she even said so. It made me think if the plans getting cancelled really upset her and she's realizing what her life is now being a single mother and she's very stressed and maybe even depressed being a single teen mom going from a great social life with no kid, to now a single mom and a lot of responsibilities and hardly any social life.

What do you guys think? I know no one knows for sure but just makes me feel better typing this out. How common is it for single teen moms to get depressed or stressed? Does stress typically bother women so much that they abandon relationships? So much going through my mind

June 20, 2016

2.5 months after a breakup = rebound

Sorry.

Take care.

June 20, 2016

2.5 months after a breakup = rebound

Sorry.

Take care.

That's what I was thinking too. I was actually thinking about bringing it up to her from the start but decided not tooBut it really depends on the girl. Just weird that it all happened after plans were cancelled

June 20, 2016

If you want a bit of advice, don't date anyone who's less than 6 months after a breakup. 12 months would be even better.

Take care.

June 20, 2016

That's what I was thinking too. I was actually thinking about bringing it up to her from the start but decided not tooBut it really depends on the girl. Just weird that it all happened after plans were cancelled

Perhaps this is the real reason she canceled.

She's barely been out of a significant relationship, one which produced a child.

Sorry, but I have to agree with Satu that this sounds like a rebound. She's not ready to move on yet.

June 20, 2016

If you want a bit of advice, don't date anyone who's less than 6 months after a breakup. 12 months would be even better.

Take care.

Yeah. I still don't think that's it. But obviously could be. But after being cheated on twice, and she told me how much of a dick he was and she was unhappy in the relationship for a while, which could be false, she seemed well over it but maybe not. She really does not like him at all. She blocked him on social media at one point but she said just to let him see pics of his son she unblocked him. They have minimal contact and only talk when she needs to discuss the son. And he got jealous that her and I were talking and she doesn't respond to any of his texts.

June 20, 2016

Perhaps this is the real reason she canceled.

She's barely been out of a significant relationship, one which produced a child.

Sorry, but I have to agree with Satu that this sounds like a rebound. She's not ready to move on yet.

Possibly. But her reason for cancelling plans was legit. It seemed. And just earlier before that day we were talking about how excited we were. She said it was all she could think about. Her reason was her ex wasn't coming home, and his parents were out of town and couldn't watch him either. And she snapchatted me pics of her and her son so she actually had him all day. Even the next day I said good morning and she said it back with the kissy face emoji and then we texted fairly normal throughout the day and talked on the phone twice.

Ugh this sucks, idk we'll see. Maybe just needs some space and time to her self

June 20, 2016

There's not much you can do right now. Sit back and see what she does in the next couple weeks.

I know you think she would never go back to her ex, but you cannot assume she will stick to her word. A lot of betrayed partners return to their cheating exes, simply because they're still attached and when the cheater comes back saying sorry, they find it difficult to resist. I am not certain that's what's happening here, but it can't be ruled out. Especially since they have a baby together.

In any case, yes, being a single teen mom would be incredibly stressful. And it's likely to remain that way for a long time, given that she is so young and without the father around.

June 20, 2016

It sounds like she is going through a lot emotionally and yes, that can cause people to backtrack and close themselves off. Something might also have happened too, is causing her to abandon you temporarily. The fact is; it's too soon to jump to conclusions. If you can, try to sit tight and hear back. Don't keep your hopes up but at the same time try to not overthink it.

June 20, 2016

So I found out what's up. We've been talking back and forth talking about us.

I'm not going into too much detail cause I'd be writing a novel, but it's about the distance between us and her having a kid and being afraid to move too fast into a new relationship since she got out of one not too long ago. And because she has a 10 month old son, she has this idea that the next guy she's with, she wants to marry, cause she doesn'tand want to bring multiple guys around her son. But yeah she seems very confused and stressed and not sure what she wants. I truly believe her when she says this cause she said what initially upset her is how I reacted when she said she had to cancel plans last minute. I over reacted and got kinda pissed cause I was just so excited to see her and we had awesome plans together that lasted all day and her sleeping over. But I quickly apologized and she said that still kinda bothered cause she feels like I don't understand and we are getting too close to soon. Which we did. Face timing for hours every night before bed and her talking to me like we were in a relationship. So I got my answer and hopefully her and I can work things out. She thinks it may not workout cause we live an hour apart and she has a son she's busy with

Anyone else think living an hour apart and her having a son is too difficult to work with??? I feel like if two people really want to be together they'll make it work

Also forgot to add that another reason she's scared to move into another relationship is that her ex and her were together for a bit over two years and they accidentally had s kid together, they were engaged, and he cheated on her twice ending everything. So she's hesitant now

June 20, 2016

There is a very good reason she should be scared....her first priority is her child. Your first priority is having a good time with her. Your disappointment is reasonable for someone your age and single, no kids.

She has much higher responsibilities than virtually any single young man could ever understand.

Move on, leave her to take care of her child....don't interfere with the mother / child bonding.

June 20, 2016

I think it can work but you'd have a lot of growing up to do. I can understand her reaction if you got angry about her having to cancel. The reality is she has a baby now she has to put first. Being a parent is all about putting your vulnerable child first. Anyone who comes into that child's life has to be kind and understanding. Getting annoyed with her because she couldn't meet would raise a red flag in her mind. The last thing she needs is someone quick to anger!

If it wasn't that extreme but just annoyance, then you have apologised. You do need to understand though that you will come second to this baby and that plans can be changed last minute for a multitude of reasons - no babysitter, child ill, child fretting and wants parent for some reason, child's routine not working out and needs consistency. I'm sure if she likes you she'll make every effort to see you but factor in tiredness, stress, confusion over her new role, and it's a whole new complex situation.

She seems also to be saying she is hoping to meet someone who will be there for her. Having someone an hour away when you need moral support with a child or simply time to sleep, is just not the same.

Edited June 20, 2016 by spiderowl

June 21, 2016

UPDATE:

Her and I have been talking about it all day. She said she told herself after her last relationship that she was going to not date or talk to anyone for a while and take time to work on herself. And she said, "but then I met you."

So her and I are good. We may be hanging out this weekend if she's free but if not definitely the next one she said. Us not seeing each other for another week or even 2 will probably be very good for her

June 21, 2016

No way this thing is just all good.

Y'all live an hour away and she has a kid. And she's only 19. And she just got out of a long term relationship. And the ex is still involved per the kid.

I'm glad it seems to be progressing and you're happy, but I'm afraid you are just going to end up posting on this forum about how she can't see you anymore or she's with her ex or something of that nature here soon.

This does just has rebound all over it to me. What about the kid? Have you been around him/her at all?

June 21, 2016

No way this thing is just all good.

Y'all live an hour away and she has a kid. And she's only 19. And she just got out of a long term relationship. And the ex is still involved per the kid.

I'm glad it seems to be progressing and you're happy, but I'm afraid you are just going to end up posting on this forum about how she can't see you anymore or she's with her ex or something of that nature here soon.

This does just has rebound all over it to me. What about the kid? Have you been around him/her at all?

Last post I'm making in here

Well the ex has to be involved. It's also his kid. But he got very jealous when he found out she was seeing me. But there's no chance they will get back together. He cheated twice, she's not getting back with him. I have been with him once. She said she was hesitant to bring me around him so soon but she really wanted to see me so I saw him.

But no, after this, if things don't workout, I won't be all that upset or surprised after having this happen to us. To be safe, I'm keeping it in the back of my mind that it may not workout given our situation. If it doesn't oh well. If it does great. We'll see. But it'll no longer surprise me if it doesn't

June 21, 2016

Ultimately, I think she is right that it probably won't work out.

You seem to think one hour apart and a child are not obstacles when two people really want to make it work, which tells me you don't have a very good understanding of what it means to be a single young mom. I don't fault you entirely for that as most young and childless people wouldn't be able to understand it. Her life is difficult.

You can wait and see what happens but I wouldn't get my hopes up. You're at two very different places in your lives.

June 21, 2016

She is a typical relationship junkie. They all seem to be meeting a new person within months of a relationship ending and "it just happens" and everyone they meet is "so special". When things end with the OP, there will be the next one that is "so special" in no time. In reality she is incapable of being alone and people like OP are nothing but crutches to feed into her dysfunction.

I dunno who in their right mind would get into a relationship with a 19yo new mum that ended a relationship with dad 2 months ago and write that "everything is going so great, I don't understand". What is there to understand? The only excuse is if OP is under 25 himself. If not, it's very sad indeed

June 21, 2016

You have been talking to her for a few months, but her break up was only 2.5 months ago. So that means she basically didn't spend any time just being on her own. That's a really big chance of you being a rebound.

You say that she'll never take him back, but it could happen. People do dumb things when they're young, and I doubt she's completely over it. She's only 19 and still might want to get "her family" back together. Don't be shocked if she takes her ex back, even after all the "horrible" stories she told you about him.

June 21, 2016

OP, you will do what you want, but if I were you I would step away from this one.

First off, lets pretend the ex isn't a factor. It's still not a good time for a single mum to be meeting guys IMHO - the first couple of years she should be focusing on her child.

And we know the ex is a factor. The more she claims to dislike him, the more you can be sure there are still feelings. This doesn't mean she will necessarily go back to him, but even so she is not ready for a relationship (and this would be true even without the kid in the picture)

How old are you OP?

Honestly, it all sounds like a whole lot of stress. Why put yourself through all that?

June 25, 2016

So been talking to this girl for the past 2 months. Well not even but close. We get along amazingly, amazing sex, great connection, same sense of humor, tease back and forth so much, can talk on the phone and FaceTime for hours, she seems obsessed. Alwyas the one to initiate everything. Then last weekend out plans got cancelled, I was disappointed, and it got her thinking about us and she took a step back and realized that after hanging out for just 1 month and talking for a month and a half that we've gotten pretty serious very fast. Everything felt like a relationship with us, but we weren't official. Facetiming for hours before bed, GoodMorning texts all the time, her always calling me baby and babe, texting a lot, just everything.

She recently got out of a 2 year relationship where she was engaged to the guy, accidentally had a kid, and then he cheated on her twice. So not easy to recover from. So she realized that it's been too much too soon with us after the relationship and she wants to slow things down, not rush things, and that she's hesitant to get into another one cause she's scared but she's willing to continue to hang out and see each other and see what happens.

BUT, since she's the one that thought we should slow things down, and we had a very long serious, emotional conversation where I eventually told her how I feel about her, I feel like I've lost the upper hand which I clearly had before.

Now she still has texted me every single day since, has always initiated, always snapchats me first. So I'm just sitting back and letting her do all the initiating since she wanted to go at a different pace. But I stil just feel like I lost the upper hand, especially coming out and telling her how I feel about her. Wasn't anything crazy just told her she's basically everything I could ask for in a girl, tha let she makes me a better person and id be willing to do whatever it takes to make a relationship work with her. She's very affectionate and loves the sweet talk and with how much she liked me, I thought it might be okay to tell her that, but stil feels wrong

So any tips on regaining the upperhand?? So far I've been doing good at just not initiating anything like always but I there needs to be something else I can do. I'm not one for playing games and j hate it but maybe that's what it'll take to regain it???

Edited June 25, 2016 by Reitteg813

June 25, 2016

Why do you need the upper hand? Can't you just take it one day at a time and be present in the moment rather than keeping score?

June 25, 2016

Do you want a relationship, or simply to lord over someone?

If it's the latter, then file a fictitious business name in your local jurisdiction, rent a store front, open a business, and make her your employee.

Best of luck in your new enterprise!

June 25, 2016

Hahhaha I like the responses. I honestly don't know why I want the upperhand. I just feel like if someone in the relationship is going to, it should be the guy, and once the girl doesn't have it, things could go down hill. But I'm probably wrong. I'm just so used to having the upperhand all the time. So when I don't it's weird and I don't like it.

But she keeps initiating so that's good. Texted me first today just like 30 min ago

June 25, 2016

Nah, I see what you mean. People who don't believe power dynamics in relationships are real/important...I'm not sure what to say about that. You've given away some of your power and she didn't reciprocate so it feels weird. It's a risk you take. Just remember, there is no tangible description of this energy, it only exists when you two interact.

You can only be secure moving forward. That means not just waiting for her to initiate, that isn't power - that's just another manifestation of insecurity, you're literally counting interactions.

Just try to be the person you would like to be. Stop counting and let some time pass. When you relax, you'll have your power back (imo).

June 25, 2016

You are a rebound...you are her emotional stepping stone. It will be a matter of time when she discovers other guys that like her and then *poof* she's gone.

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