Darkeyy Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 After 2 months i got a text from my ex. 'i hope you're doing better, i never meant to hurt you but i know i did, and i'm really sorry. You've always been good to me and you deserve better. I'll never forget you and the time we had. I wish you well, blabla..' My response: 'i don't get it, why are you sending this now' (she texted past midnight, i did the next day) Her: i feel guilty towards you.. She decided to end things because she fell in love with someone else... And after i told her it was her choice and she should focus on her new relationship and i'm focussing on moving forward myself. She responded 'just ignore it. i knew this was a bad idea.' - Guess she didn't like my response, got defensive and taking it all back. Why would you feel guilty for your own actions.. Maybe she is sorry that she hurt me, but she ain't sorry about her choice. Why bring up the past when you decide to go forward with someone else. 1
bummer Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 They feel guilt because they still care for you and feel bad knowing they hurt you. Their care just is not enough to be with you. block her and you wont be bothered again. 2
Alamo657 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 She responded 'just ignore it. i knew this was a bad idea.' Let me translate "woman-after-break-up" talk for you. "This was a bad idea" means : "by sending you a friendly apology message, i expected you to go all teary and profess your undying and eternal love for me, but having your benediction to do all the kama sutra with somebody else. women call it friendship with an ex. But i guess you're too immature to reach the same level of distant indifference toward our past relationship as i did, so i'm just gonna keep on living my life with new_dude since i can't have you as a friendly text buddy still pining over for me". Basically, she didn't get what she wanted from you, so she's upset. 3
Author Darkeyy Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 Let me translate "woman-after-break-up" talk for you. "This was a bad idea" means : "by sending you a friendly apology message, i expected you to go all teary and profess your undying and eternal love for me, but having your benediction to do all the kama sutra with somebody else. women call it friendship with an ex. But i guess you're too immature to reach the same level of distant indifference toward our past relationship as i did, so i'm just gonna keep on living my life with new_dude since i can't have you as a friendly text buddy still pining over for me". Basically, she didn't get what she wanted from you, so she's upset. What benefit does it bring her if i would go teary and tell her im still in love with her.. or texting while i'm still pining over her? Why would a person feel better about them self by that? And why would she want an ex as a friendly text buddy? And was it immature of me to act like i did? (or is that what she is 'thinking') 1
BC1980 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Because when you feel like you have hurt someone else, it makes you feel bad about yourself. It makes you wonder if you are a bad person, and that is hard to live with. It's hard to cause someone else pain and then feel okay about yourself. So it's more about her not feeling good about herself and wanting to resolve those feelings. She tried to resolve those feelings by getting you to absolve her. That's very common. Instead of working through the guilt oneself, people will often seek out the person they wronged for absolution. It doesn't usually work. If she is in another relationship, she might be having a hard time enjoying herself if she had to hurt you to get into this relationship. She is looking for a way to move forward in this new relationship. 1
offwithhishead Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 (edited) What benefit does it bring her if i would go teary and tell her im still in love with her.. or texting while i'm still pining over her? Why would a person feel better about them self by that? And why would she want an ex as a friendly text buddy? And was it immature of me to act like i did? (or is that what she is 'thinking') Women are like that. My ex is the same. She says she doesn't miss our relationship but she misses the companionship and the times we just spent together just chatting. That's women-speak for saying she just wants a shoulder to cry on, especially when things aren't going so well with her new boyfriend or when he's not treating her well. She can't cry to her girlfriends because typically, friends get sick and tired after hearing about the same thing n times. But you, you're someone special because you're a friend who she once had intimate relations with and so she feels you would be more reliable and have more patience in hearing her complain about her issues for the nth time. Don't be that victim. I know it can be hard because this girl once had feelings for you and was intimate with you but women are very complex. They are conditioned to value relationships. They find it hard to disconnect completely from an ex-lover even if she absolutely is done with them as far as a romantic relationship goes. Guys are different. We typically have a harder time moving on from a breakup and sometimes we never really get over it until we find someone else. But when we do find someone else, we are completely DONE with the ex. They no longer exist in our minds. But with women, it's different. Unless it was a very bad breakup and involved abuse of some sort, she likely keeps a part of her ex's in her heart. It's genetic. Women value relationships more for their own sake. Men view relationships more for their pragmatic value. Don't let her string you along. I feel you. I'm going through something similar with my ex. It's hard. It's easy to fall into the trap of wishful thinking that this girl somehow still has romantic feelings for you and maybe she still a little tiny bit, but it's not enough for her to breakup with her current boyfriend to go back with you. At the end of the day, she doesn't want to be with you. I've only ever had one close friend who is a girl. And it only works because I'm not interested in any sort of romantic relations with her. We've known each other for 10 years. In the beginning, I suppose I was interested but she never was. And over time, I totally lost that feeling for her. We work much better as just friends. That's the only way a friendship can work between a man and a woman. No you did not send the wrong response. Your question is valid and she probably has a difficult time answering it. She knows she's wrong and if she has the guts to do the right thing, it would be for her to stop contacting you. Edited June 20, 2016 by offwithhishead 1
Alamo657 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 What benefit does it bring her if i would go teary and tell her im still in love with her.. or texting while i'm still pining over her? Why would a person feel better about them self by that? And why would she want an ex as a friendly text buddy? And was it immature of me to act like i did? (or is that what she is 'thinking') What she's thinking shouldn't matter to you. What matters is that she won't give you what you want (romance) and you won't give her what she wants (friendship), thus neither of you have anything to do with each other for the time being. When/if you're ready for friendship, she probably won't be any longer, marking the final and real end of the relationship in your mind. As for why they want to hear you forgive them, it's because it doesn't feel good to know someone who loved you bear ill-feelings toward you for normal people.
FTM042014 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 My ex emailed me something similar after dumping be suddenly and then moving on quickly to her current bf. It was unexpected because up until that point she had been awful and cruel about it all. Women have that batsh*t switch they can turn and go from hot to cold and back in an instant. Your ex was probably feeling guilty and needed to assuage her guilt. It's all to feel better about themselves. Because if they were so concerned about our well-being they wouldn't have hurt us in the first place. NOW you want to care about me? It's B.S. man. I love the way you replied to her! Wish I'd had the balls to do that with my ex. When they do that I'm always wondering in the time you took to send this you could've been somewhere fawning over your new shiny toy. So go be about him. If she does it again, ignore and block her. When I finally said to my ex via email that's all I have to say she replied and said Hmmmmm ok. That was the last I ever heard from her. 2
Author Darkeyy Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 If she is in another relationship, she might be having a hard time enjoying herself if she had to hurt you to get into this relationship. She is looking for a way to move forward in this new relationship. Women are like that. My ex is the same. She says she doesn't miss our relationship but she misses the companionship and the times we just spent together just chatting. That's women-speak for saying she just wants a shoulder to cry on, especially when things aren't going so well with her new boyfriend or when he's not treating her well. She can't cry to her girlfriends because typically, friends get sick and tired after hearing about the same thing n times. But you, you're someone special because you're a friend who she once had intimate relations with and so she feels you would be more reliable and have more patience in hearing her complain about her issues for the nth time. Don't let her string you along. I feel you. I'm going through something similar with my ex. It's hard. It's easy to fall into the trap of wishful thinking that this girl somehow still has romantic feelings for you and maybe she still a little tiny bit, but it's not enough for her to breakup with her current boyfriend to go back with you. At the end of the day, she doesn't want to be with you. I'm pretty sure she is happy with her current relationship. She moved on while she was still with me the last weeks. She does not have any romantic interests in me, and i know that - also not caring about it. She left me for the other guy, She just had a weak moment i guess. Frustrating and annoying to get a text like that. Like i said before she made her choice so she should just focus on her new relationship instead of fishing how i am doing and telling me she's sorry.. Not like that's gonna change anything! It's not any of her concern how i'm doing from the moment she left me. As for why they want to hear you forgive them, it's because it doesn't feel good to know someone who loved you bear ill-feelings toward you for normal people. Actually i said 'if you want to be forgiven, just straight out ask for it instead of texting me like this. She answered with 'i don't want your forgiveness, this was a bad idea.' - i left that out in my 1st post..
Densel Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 My ex girlfriend left me for someone else too. For the past 7 months, she only sent a few stupid texts regarding our stuff(clothes, subscription,etc), nothing of "how are you?" So i know. My ex has no remorse, no guilt at all. I dont know to be jealous of you guys or not.
Author Darkeyy Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 My ex girlfriend left me for someone else too. For the past 7 months, she only sent a few stupid texts regarding our stuff(clothes, subscription,etc), nothing of "how are you?" So i know. My ex has no remorse, no guilt at all. I dont know to be jealous of you guys or not. No reason to be jealous.. actually be happy, you can heal faster without the breadcrumbs. Also it doesn't mean anything if they reach out. It's just a punch in the face and you'll start wondering 'why did she text me'.. And it's not worth the time, it won't change a thing. Her not reaching out does not mean she has no remorse/guilt. Maybe she does have it, but just won't bother you with it. Just keep going forward step by step! 3
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