Maddieandtae Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Do you want him to contact you? If you are truly done don't let thoughts of "will he call" fill your thoughts. Let positive thoughts of healthy ways of thinking fill your head 4
Author dogloverof2 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 Do you want him to contact you? If you are truly done don't let thoughts of "will he call" fill your thoughts. Let positive thoughts of healthy ways of thinking fill your head No I don't want him to contact me. I won't answer my phone if he does by chance. I asked because after reading about ending affairs, it seems that one of the participants sometimes reaches out to the other.. for whatever excuse or reason they have... I don't wanna go there again.. I just asked to see what you guys thought.....
DreamP Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Get out, exercise, eat healthy. It helps you heal faster. 3
oceansaway Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Your not alone...remember that. We all think the same...and wonder 3
Sabella Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) The only way I can get out of my own head is through physical activity. Soooo I'm looking at hiring a personal trainer, learning to paddleboard and planning outside activities. Lol. When I'm stuck inside...organizing closets and drawers. Sh*ts getting done at least! We've touched on this topic in other threads too. Part of what we do after an A is romanticize it and the loss of it and ache over the loss of the good times. It might be helpful to remember how hard it was. The guilt, the always wondering what the heck was going on between you, the over analyzing every detail. That stuff was not pleasant and downright exhausting. I'm not saying to remake every aspect of the A into a negative memory, but just a gentle nudge that even when you were in the middle of it, it wasn't all great. ((((Hugs)))) Edited June 21, 2016 by Sabella 2
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 No I don't want him to contact me. I won't answer my phone if he does by chance. I asked because after reading about ending affairs, it seems that one of the participants sometimes reaches out to the other.. for whatever excuse or reason they have... I don't wanna go there again.. I just asked to see what you guys thought..... Block him. 3
Poppy47 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Limerence is a leviathan. It'll lay waste to your life leaving you wondering "What the __ did I just do? And why?" I idealize my exAP, and some of the things I ignore are astonishing. I'm a dog and cat lover. She doesn't like animals. She even said she doesn't like children (she has 3)! When she proposed we run away and I questioned the effect on the children, her response was, "They'll be fine. They'll learn to live with it." She was willing to leave her children. Huh?! I'm not judging her because look what I was doing. But what am I idealizing exactly? If I were single I wouldn't go for that. Don't judge your screwed up thinking at this point, but know it is screwed up. I love this post. xmm told me he had an affair with his wife's best friend and I don't remember what I said or thought. I have since realised he had form long before I knew him Poppy 2
Author dogloverof2 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 I love this post. xmm told me he had an affair with his wife's best friend and I don't remember what I said or thought. I have since realised he had form long before I knew him Poppy This made me remember something XMM told me. He said that he was involved with a married woman many years ago when he was still single. She chose to stay with her then husband....That should have been a HUGE red flag flying, waving in my face, but I chose to overlook it, I guess cause it was along time ago, over 20 years...
Poppy47 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 This made me remember something XMM told me. He said that he was involved with a married woman many years ago when he was still single. She chose to stay with her then husband....That should have been a HUGE red flag flying, waving in my face, but I chose to overlook it, I guess cause it was along time ago, over 20 years... xMM chose to tell me about his wif'es best friend, but I believe there have been quite a few others. I don't know for sure, but logic says a 65 year old man doesn't suddenly decided to cheat on his wife of 45 years. JUST HOW IS IT that we all skip over those large red flag ? Poppy
Author dogloverof2 Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 xMM chose to tell me about his wif'es best friend, but I believe there have been quite a few others. I don't know for sure, but logic says a 65 year old man doesn't suddenly decided to cheat on his wife of 45 years. JUST HOW IS IT that we all skip over those large red flag ? Poppy I think it is choice that we make when the affair is fresh and new.. I think I thought.. "It was so long ago and he was young and he must have been naïve about affairs and fell for her and she later dumped him",blah, blah,blah. Trying to justify it all....... Gosh, what a dummy I was..... 1
Author dogloverof2 Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 Today was a good day. I have been very busy on a new project and realized late this afternoon that I hadn't thought of him all day till that point. That is progress for me! I feel pretty good about that.
Poppy47 Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Today was a good day. I have been very busy on a new project and realized late this afternoon that I hadn't thought of him all day till that point. That is progress for me! I feel pretty good about that. I had a similar day. Got home and played with my dogs, and realized I hadn't thought about xMM all day... to involved in work. Aren't we Terrific? Poppy
Author dogloverof2 Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 I had a similar day. Got home and played with my dogs, and realized I hadn't thought about xMM all day... to involved in work. Aren't we Terrific? Poppy I hope these kind of days continue for us. Busy is great! It will make this whole moving on process a lot better...
Author dogloverof2 Posted June 26, 2016 Author Posted June 26, 2016 This morning has been a struggle. I looked for XMM's wife on social media, (again) just to see if I could by chance catch a glimpse of a picture of him. Her site is pretty private, which is good for me. I thought I was doing better....
Author dogloverof2 Posted August 11, 2016 Author Posted August 11, 2016 I posted here about a month and a half ago for the first time. I was having a hard time getting thoughts of XMM out of my mind and head. I am happy to say that I am doing better. Every week that passes that has NC, has been a blessing. I have a birthday coming in a few months and had often wondered if he will reach out to me then, just to say "Happy Birthday". I have decided that if that were to happen, I'm not going to answer my phone.. It won't be worth it.. Husband and I are doing better. He is who he is.. and I had no right to ever compare him in any way to XMM. So wrong on my part. Thanks for listening.. 10
Shadowburn Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Why don't you block him? You won't even know If he tried to contact you. 1
DKT3 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I posted here about a month and a half ago for the first time. Husband and I are doing better. He is who he is.. and I had no right to ever compare him in any way to XMM. So wrong on my part. I was having a hard time getting thoughts of XMM out of my mind and head. I am happy to say that I am doing better. Every week that passes that has NC, has been a blessing. I have a birthday coming in a few months and had often wondered if he will reach out to me then, just to say "Happy Birthday". I have decided that if that were to happen, I'm not going to answer my phone.. It won't be worth it.. Thanks for listening.. Not to derail your progress, but when your paragraph looks like this you will now your really showing empathy and make greater progress. Progress is progress, keep it up and good luck 1
Poppy47 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Annual milestones are dangerous events... it is all too easy to contact xAP "just to say BLAH BLAH BLAH". Whooooshka. Before you know it, you are back in deep again. If he contact you, ignore. Poppy. 1
Author dogloverof2 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 Why don't you block him? You won't even know If he tried to contact you. I don't know his phone number. When we were talking he would call me from work or mobile phones connected to his job. I will however NOT answer calls from the area code in which he lives, should I get any.
Author dogloverof2 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 Annual milestones are dangerous events... it is all too easy to contact xAP "just to say BLAH BLAH BLAH". Whooooshka. Before you know it, you are back in deep again. If he contact you, ignore. Poppy. Ignoring him is my plan. It would not be worth it, talking to him again. Getting past this has truly been a struggle. I feel better now, don't want to get back in again.
Author dogloverof2 Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 I have often read that closure is what you make it. I recently had a birthday and the married guy I first wrote about here, knew when my birthday was...Well, I am not gonna lie. I had "hoped" just a little that I might get a friendly message or phone call wishing me a good day. Well, it didn't happen... Now since the day is past, I am very glad. He would have popped into my life for a brief minute and then disappear again... What good would that have been really?? I got my closure that I really needed.... Thanks for listening... 4
NTV Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 No worries! Happy birthday by the way! Did you do anything fun?
Author dogloverof2 Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 Thank you and Yes, husband and I took a nice drive and had a great lunch at a very nice restaurant.
Vasectomyfail Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Happy birthday! Isn't it great when closure just sort of pops up unexpectedly? Something similar happened to me last weekend. I run, but up until recently it's been 5k fun runs. MM was mega into fitness (or at least going to the gym and taking selfies) so while we were seeing each other I decided to start training for a marathon. I know stupid right? But the cool thing is that it really helped with my confidence and gave me an outlet when things went south with MM. So many friends texted support on race day and it was a truly amazing experience. Around mile 15 it hit me that I didn't hear from MM in spite of his "We'll always be friends" talk. It didn't bother me. I was actually glad things were over because I know it wouldn't have occurred to him to send encouragement pre race and that would have thrown me off. Closure is a relief. 1
waterwoman Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Something similar happened to me last weekend. I run, but up until recently it's been 5k fun runs. MM was mega into fitness (or at least going to the gym and taking selfies) so while we were seeing each other I decided to start training for a marathon. Oooh.... t/j but how did it go? I have done about 15 10k races but am booked into a half marathon next month. Excited and very nervous. I was a BW but I can tell you running saved my sanity over the months and years following Dday. Congrats on the race (and the closure)
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