Maximboi23 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Hi everyone, Have not been on here in a while. This site actually helped me get over an engagement that needed over a year and half ago that was very hard for me. The gym and this site really helped me out. So I have been seeing this girl and I really liked her even after I thought I wouldn't want anyone or couldn't love anyone after my fiancé left. So in the beginning it was great. We met online and as soon as she got in my car I liked her a lot and fell in love. Never really was a believer at love at first sight but she changed that. So as the summer went on we were sharing really see personal things and she told me she was an ex heroin addict. I was upset I Guess but didn't want to give up on her. We were so close and intimate and enjoyed each other a lot. Then a few weeks later I get a Big text from her saying she is leaving and it feels wrong and I ask for too much reassurance blah blah Blah. So I was heartbroken and I went on with my life. A few months later I reached out to her and we talked again and started seeing eachother again and she made it clear this time she wanted to build a foundation and be friends first. I went with it and we hung out and stuff and it became clear she wasn't being intimate with me anymore and only would give me a kiss here and there. Soon it became apparent that she was only wanting me to go to bars at night with her and nothing else. Couldn't bring me to her house to meet her family or hang with her friends. All the bull**** started coming out. We fought more and I got angry a lot cause the relationship was a standstill. We would fight and be on and off and everytime I asked if we could move forward she would get mad and we would argue and she would use that I couldn't change and always act up as a crutch to use for not moving forward. I spent thousands of dollars on her , pay for everything when we go out, she doesn't have a license so I always drive and never even offers to pay for anything. I would pay for her medications cause she lost her insurance and all that was bad on my part. I felt like I'm being used and it hurt me and now I still do love her but don't know wish to do.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 You are being used. Quit being her ATM and chaffeur. You're enabling this and it's obviously getting you nowhere. It almost sounds to me like she has a boyfriend. She won't bring you around her family and friends, right? You need to cut this girl out of your life. You love her but it's not mutual. This will bring you nothing but even more heartache, friend. 1
smudge21 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 She told you she didn't want a relationship. You came back and agreed to her rules to just be her friend. Now you're kicking off that she's treating you as a friend (well, not quite, but I'll get to that). Sorry but as badly as she is being with you now, you did give her the green light and accepted the conditions of this "relationship". We often do things like that though, jump in hoping that if we're around then eventually we'll win them over. It generally doesn't work as we've chased them, pushed them into a corner, done all the work, made all the effort. They've just had it easy and when that's the case, they haven't had to worry or think about you. As you said, you paid for everything and did all the work. Her attitude just says "not too bothered" and she comes across as someone happy to have the attention without having to do anything for it. You've treated her like a girl friend and she's treated you like an option (not even like a friend to be honest). I don't think she's seeing someone as wouldn't be out with you as often. I just think she still feels the same way and because you've chased, she's agreed to hang out with you... as a friend. You've done all the running and got none of the reward. Walk away from this one as I can tell you where it's heading - she'll get more and more distant on you until she's gone for good and you'll wish you jumped ship earlier. Be hones with yourself and if needed, with her too. You have feelings and want more, whereas she doesn't and probably never will. Stop living in hope and accept reality. The love you have should be shared with someone who is able and wants to return it... not someone who doesn't care. 2
bummer Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Every additional expense you list that you pay for, after she clearly denies wanting to be in a relationship, makes me cringe. You found a broken unicorn and want that after your fiance left. We get it. But drop her like the toxic relationship you descrive demands. Work on you. What do you need? How can you make yourself better and your boundaries clearer?
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