Acceptance.... kinda

[semi]

So this might be a bit jumbled but I have a lot of stuff running through my head.

 

My ex and I broke up about a month ago. She had to move away and I couldn't go with her. We hadn't been dating for very long so we decided we should just break up once she left. We would still be friends. I knew she cared for me and that this decision was the best. Towards the end of the relationship I had doubts about ending it but she was very adamant about the decision. She became distant and telling her friends that I was being needy. I wasn't taking her very seriously because we were still functioning as the couple we had always been. sleeping together, hanging out, holding hands

 

 

So I helped her move out of town, stayed with her there for a few days and then flew home. While I was there we were all over each other. Sex at night, Sex in the morning, kissing and holding hands like we had just fallen in love. She was so crazy about me during that period of time. A day or two before I left I told her I really wanted to stay together. She said no.

 

 

I took the situation for what it was and accepted that we weren't going to be together. So i came home feeling confident about being single and moving forward in my life and being on good terms with this wonderful woman. Although I felt good about the situation I really hadn't accepted it yet. Well time passed we would call each other, actually I called more than she did. But we would talk about how we missed each other and all that jazz. Then I called her one day and she did not call back for a couple days, I was freaking out. I eventually called and told her that I didn't want us to be over. It got really emotional I begged and cried to her. Well that didn't get her back. She told me to forget about her. I was so shocked and devistated. Took time off work, I was a big mess. I had no idea that she felt this way. I thought she still had feelings for me. She did not call me back at all. So after five days she didn't once call me so I called her. Very confidently and calmly and told her that I cared for her and I accepted her decision, that I would move on and it would take some time to be friends. I told her we should do NC for a couple months and just clear our heads. She was totally shocked, she said, "WHAT A COUPLE MONTHS, you can call me whenever you want." I told her the same because she was far from home. We decided some NC would do both of us some good. After talking to her I felt great, I had shaken her up a bit by telling her I was ready to move on. I just had to accept the situation and if she comes back, she does, if not well the NC will only help me move on. I still missed her a lot but I was feeling good about how things were turning out. I regained my confidence, wasn't a mess any more, and was working hard and really looking at my life and what i wanted out of it. I was set.

 

 

So some time passed and still doing good, one of my friends was talking to some of my ex's friends and they had made some vague comments, He should find someone who will be more faithful, if he found out what happened he would be devastated. what? I was back to zero now. I waited a couple days to call her because even though we decided on NC, I had to confront her about this. I was a huge jerk, big regrets. I messed with her head and told her that I had cheated on her, which i didn't ever. I was hoping to get some sort of retaliation out of her and she would spill her guts and tell me everything. But i just made a fool out of myself. She told me that she drunkenly kissed someone while we were together and she was emailing him while were still together and now she is talking on the phone to him. I was shocked. She was being very defensive about the situation and making me sound like I was bothering her in some way. She said she regretted cheating but didn't think that sending the emails to him was wrong. Seriously, you don't cheat on someone, regret it, and then give them your email address. She said she didn't want to hurt me by telling me this information. But she still decided to sleep with me and let me spend a lot money to help her move in to her new place while we were still together.

 

 

For some reason she still wants to be friends with me. She told me to call her whenever I want, I told her that I don't think I could talk to her ever again, if I could it would have to at least be a year or maybe more. Although I was really hurt I felt relieved to know that I had to move on, there was nothing left here and it would take about half the time to get over her. Things were fair for a few days but I just can't stop thinking about it.

 

 

I think that this may really affect me for a long time and give me trust and other issues in future relationships and life in general. I really don't dat that often and I have had a few serious relationships in my life. A couple of rocky and hard break ups but nothing like this. I have never met a woman like this before. She is such a free spirit, independent, incredibly sexy, weird, hilarious and so much more. You just know she is going to be so very successful one day. My friends and family loved her, that's right my friends adored her. I know the whole more fish in the sea thing, but really i can't describe how this woman affected me and made me feel. I don't want to sound like a moron but I really don't think I will never meet another woman as special as her. Talking to friends they agree that it doesn't get much better than her, but you can't change what happened. I know that I can have this attitude about this woman or I can move forward, I am just having a hard time being positive right now.

 

 

I am good friends with one of her friends so I have talked to her about this. She said she had quite a few late night talks with her about me. I think that my ex has been in a lot of relationships. I know that she truly cared for me but sometimes I feel like just another "notch on her bedpost". I hate to use that expression because it isn't really like that I just couldn't think of anything else. Is she a person that can attach and detatch really quickly and I am left in the dust? I think that she may have given me the chance to step up at one point and really committ to her, but I didn't feel it was necessary because we were still a couple even though we wouldn't be together in a couple of weeks, I really didn't get the feeling either us was going to be too far away from each other emotionally. But I guess she was well over me before I knew it. She is so far gone at this point I wonder if she really misses me or is just glad i am out of her hair. Right now I don't know what to think. Did she just use me for sex and companionship after she cheated and knew the relationship was over? Is she just young and isn't quite sure what she wants?

 

 

I am having a hard time swallowing this one. I just expected more out of her and she was crazy about me. I never thought she would ever cheat on me. I dwell on the past, think about things that i should have done differently. I feel that I may have let this happen to me. When things start to get serious, I get scared. Its more of a subconscious thing. I hide in my shell, change the subject, and push them away until they have had enough and break up with me. Then I feel so shocked and floored when women want to break it off with me. I know that I have a lot of growing up to do before I can be in a long term relationship and truly give the other person what they need. But I don't want to dwell on that stuff right now. I want to move forward in my life, establish myself and I hope that all committment stuff will come together once I figure out exactly what I want out of life. Believe me there is a lot of wanting to move forward but no real action at this point. This point in my life is very huge. I feel like there are two roads I know which one to take but I can't seem to get on board. This is a defining moment in my life.

 

 

Talking to her friend she said there were problems before the cheating. We got along great but sometimes my ex felt like that I didn't even like her, that I wasn't attracted to her. But I was so into her in every way. I know that I can be hot and cold sometimes and that is pretty standard relationship stuff. Sometimes I just need my space and i will get it one way or the other. But I have plenty of space right now. I think it is a combination of my inability to committ and I am not that great at expressing my feelings. I am the kind of person that waits for a crisis before I decide a change needs to be made. I really am a very nice person, i just freak out when things get serious and I need to work on finding out what I want so I can make committments in life without fear. I just wish that I would have met this woman when we were both a bit more mature.

 

 

I know that I have been rambling for a while but I think I have pretty clear head at this point and just need to get all this out there. Thank you for reading this and please reply in any way I could use some support, observations, blast me for being weak, or whatever. I need to find out what it is that is making me tick. Is it the cheating, the breakup, her, or is it my lack of balls when it comes to committing. Writing all of this has been fairly therapeutic for me.

thanks,

semi

[niceguy69]

Girls are really good at using you for sex once they have "fallen out of love" with you. I was in the same boat, and I just didn't see it too. After a year of dating, my exgf would come over only to have sex. Then I would ask her to hang out and watch a movie or something. And she would say she had to go and that she would call me later. Then she wouldn't call me again unless she was coming over to bang. Even though she said she loved me, looking back on it now, she would just say it without making eyecontact. Ha what an idiot I was back then.

 

You have to learn about these crazy girls somehow and experience is the best teacher. The main thing I learned is that, once the girl starts seeming detached, you have to cut her off immidiately. Then she will realize she screwed up and come back. If you let her keep walking all over you, she will get more bored and start looking to other dudes to hook up with. Then she's never coming back...

 

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." -Lord Alfred Tenneyson