Shining One Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Times have changed apparently since I last dated....They have changed, but not that much. Most of the women I've dated feel entitled to a man's money early on. I imagine there are still plenty of men willing to cater to them.
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Katiegrl, you keep saying "man". But the OP's boyfriend is a student...therefore he may well be a boy. Or at least a young man who's a starving uni student. I think it's really important to not compare the actions of a student with, say, a 38yo man who has a proper income. How old is he though? He could be a 35 year old student for all we know. He said he has gone back to school, which suggests he is a bit older. Does he work, have a job? If he doesn't have much money, perhaps when he asks a woman out, on a date, a first date no less, he should suggest something other than an expensive show... something he can afford, like a movie? Not assume she can afford the expensive ticket herself and pay her way. Ya know, maybe he did just ask her as a friend? College kids do that a lot... call each other up ... ask to hit a show or something, very casual. I am thinking that might have been the case here. She just assumed it was a date because they met on line.... she did express confusion about that in the title of this thread...
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 They have changed, but not that much. Most of the women I've dated feel entitled to a man's money early on. I imagine there are still plenty of men willing to cater to them. That is sad.... and also very disheartening.
joseb Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 OP, how old is this guy? Is he a full time student? I'm all for women paying their share, I hate the culture of entitlement that is so prevent amoung some, but I still would pay (or offer) a first date. The thing I don't get is if he is broke, why chose such an expensive first date? Go for a coffee. I'm kinda with the OP. I think he's just tight. Not a crime, but she may be turned off by it. 2
No_Go Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) I don't get this - whats the deal to pay YOUR share? I'd be annoyed if I need to pay the dude's share as well... But I'll not complain for my stuff only. Also, let say you go out with a man that makes 3x less than you. Would you expect him to cover your share? Or would you cover his? It's not black and white... Oh, also I find it strange that friends should always go Dutch. I personally rarely if ever go Dutch with friends - especially after no see for a long time I'd always cover the whole tab... I feel plenty empowered without being expected to pay my own share when a man asks me out, invites me out *on a date*... especially a FIRST date. I dunno the men I have dated have been different I guess. Gallant perhaps old school in a way. They actually enjoyed treating me because they were interested in me and to differentiate between two friends hanging out, and a dating situation where there is a romantic interest and one person invites the other out and offers to pay.... Times have changed apparently since I last dated.... Edited June 19, 2016 by No_Go 1
Jabron1 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 They have changed, but not that much. Most of the women I've dated feel entitled to a man's money early on. I imagine there are still plenty of men willing to cater to them. I don't cater to that attitude. And I pay. The trick is to do low-cost things in the early stages. Coffee is just a few quid. Then drinks. Including travel, it's about £20 or £30. If a guy can't afford that, he'll struggle in the dating game. The thought of going to a fancy restaurant for a first date, and then asking to split the bill, is alien to me. I have no idea what good that would achieve, or why anyone would want to do it. 6
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 The thought of going to a fancy restaurant for a first date, and then asking to split the bill, is alien to me. I have no idea what good that would achieve, or why anyone would want to do it. Thank you Jabron! I was beginning to think I was going a bit crazy.. As I embark on dating again for the first time in over six years.... my faith is renewed, at least somewhat. :) 1
Shining One Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 The trick is to do low-cost things in the early stages. Coffee is just a few quid. Then drinks. Including travel, it's about £20 or £30. If a guy can't afford that, he'll struggle in the dating game. The thought of going to a fancy restaurant for a first date, and then asking to split the bill, is alien to me. I have no idea what good that would achieve, or why anyone would want to do it.I can see the logic behind going someplace fancy for a first date and splitting the bill. There are women out there who aren't cheap and have no problem contributing to the cost of a date. Rather than pay nothing and go on a $50 date, they would prefer to contribute half and enjoy a $100 date. With that being said, I also go for low-cost early dates. If the woman proves to be cheap, I drop her and move on.
Jabron1 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 (edited) I can see the logic behind going someplace fancy for a first date and splitting the bill. I can't at all. Absolutely no benefits in it whatsoever. There are women out there who aren't cheap and have no problem contributing to the cost of a date. Rather than pay nothing and go on a $50 date, they would prefer to contribute half and enjoy a $100 date. Not if they want to go on a date with me they won't. I'm the value, not the activity. I'm a damn good date, and I know it. I don't need to try and impress with special events or whatever - especially for a girl I've only just met. You seem to put a pricetag on women. "Some women aren't cheap". Women are women; take them off the pedestal. Edited June 20, 2016 by Jabron1
Shining One Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 You seem to put a pricetag on women. "Some women aren't cheap". Women are women; take them off the pedestal.Let me clarify. By "not cheap", I mean willing to spend money. Cheap = Unwilling to contribute their fair share.
frus69 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Go find a guy who's happy to pay for you OP, heaps of the out there.
Jabron1 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 (edited) Let me clarify. By "not cheap", I mean willing to spend money. Cheap = Unwilling to contribute their fair share. That does make a difference in meaning. Look, at the beginning I'm looking to vibe with a woman. We aren't going to be able to do that at the opera. If she wants to go to the opera, she can take her girlfriends or an orbiter. If she insists on going to the opera, then I'm dealing with someone who is low-interest and not willing to follow my lead. She's going to be a crappy date, and she's going to lead the thing down the toilet. It's not really about money at all in my experience. Edited June 20, 2016 by Jabron1
angel.eyes Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 If you think he's acting cheap, and it's turning you off, then you aren't compatible. Dating is about finding someone compatible. On to the next. 1
Sanman Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 I have to laugh at this as it was a regular topic when I used to be on here more and it will never die. Before I got married, I used to go dutch with dates all the time. Things are not as simple as they were years ago. There are too many situations to consider. Katiegrl, faith depends on the person and situation. I was big advocate of going dutch with online dating. The reason for this was mass dating. With online dating, I dated many women who were dating multiple other guys and I was dating multiple women. When there is no expectation of a serious prospect, I have little interest in spending money on a woman. Especially if she had input into the activity (I suggest coffee, they counter with dinner) Now it is even more complicated. Did you meet via traditional OLD? An app like tinder? friends? a bar? It is the flip-side to hook-up culture in my book. Now, I met my wife on-line, but we talked for 3 months before our first date. That was a rare thing, so I did not have an issue driving to another city and picking up the whole tab when I arrived there. However, she offered to pay for a lot of things that first time as well. 1
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Oh, definitely go cheep for the first few dates. Coffee or fun, cheap activities. On my most recent second date, we went golfing. I paid my green fees and he bought a beer after the game. Perfect. I once dumped a guy because his idea of fun was trying a fine dining restaurant every weekend. Perhaps he thought that would impress me. Maybe it was just his interest. I don't know but I couldn't afford it and it wasn't my idea of fun... Much rather be biking, or hiking, or golfing, or going to the movies. I think it really depends on the activity and the type of date. Definitely, if it is mass dating from OLD that is nothing more than a chance to meet and screen the person for interest, it's very different than someone you are really interested in and have more of a connection developed. Do what feels right!
Author mushroomlol Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 You can't do anything except not accept dates if you can't afford it. If he asks you to something and it's straining your pocketbook, please do not hesistate to tell him, "I'm going to have to pass. I'm just too broke." After all, that's what he's telling you. And anyway, if you're paying half, which is okay I guess, you should have equal say in what you do and where you go, so don't just sit there and pretend he gets to call the shots. Just speak up. "I don't think i want to spend money going to that game because I'm not really into sports." "I'd rather just go get an inexpensive taco somewhere or ride bikes." Just speak up. He has a limit and so do you. The problem is not about how expensive the show is - I can afford it and pay for it without any hesitation. I am just confused as he's the first guy that went Dutch with me on our first meet up. I assumed that since we met online we are having the same purpose as to date someone but his behavior confused me. It's a great show anyway. We both love the artist and I am happy that someone can go with me instead of me going alone. So it's not even about the show. I spent around 15 dollars for drinks and snacks that night. It's not a big amount. I just feel like i would be happier (?) if he offers to pay the whole bill.
Author mushroomlol Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 OP, how old is this guy? Is he a full time student? I'm all for women paying their share, I hate the culture of entitlement that is so prevent amoung some, but I still would pay (or offer) a first date. The thing I don't get is if he is broke, why chose such an expensive first date? Go for a coffee. I'm kinda with the OP. I think he's just tight. Not a crime, but she may be turned off by it. He's older than me. He has gone back to school now so yeah pretty much full time. He's nice and easy to talk to. I always want the next guy to be the one that likes to go out with me and shares the same interests/hobbies. He seems to be that guy. But you are right. I am turned off by his actions/attitudes toward money, like not offering to pay or complaining things being expensive.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Apparently I am in for a very rude awakening if this is how men treat women and dating nowadays...... Such is life I guess... ugh... No, it's how the cheap ones act, using 'equality' as their argument. And it's usually these same ones screaming 'equality' that eventually couple up and suddenly forget all about that argument and expect the woman to do everything while their lazy asses sit on the couch and play with their X-boxes all night. 1
Els Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 The problem is not about how expensive the show is - I can afford it and pay for it without any hesitation. I am just confused as he's the first guy that went Dutch with me on our first meet up. I assumed that since we met online we are having the same purpose as to date someone but his behavior confused me. It's a great show anyway. We both love the artist and I am happy that someone can go with me instead of me going alone. So it's not even about the show. I spent around 15 dollars for drinks and snacks that night. It's not a big amount. I just feel like i would be happier (?) if he offers to pay the whole bill. If that's what you strongly prefer, then this guy is probably not compatible with you. That's the whole point of dating, right, to find out if you're compatible? Nothing wrong with parting ways if you don't think you are. Personally I agree with you. I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with a couple going dutch (though I grew up in an Asian country so the first time I saw a couple do that was when I was visiting a Western country in my 20s, and I admit I stared a little bit... ). It just that to me, it feels like a hangout between friends if we split the bill, because that's what I've always done when meeting up with male friends. 1
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