mushroomlol Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 So I met this guy online and we had a lot of common interests. He asked me if I wanted to see a show last week and I said yes. I thought he would buy the tickets for me but he didn't, which is fine because the ticket is a bit expensive. But when we were at the venue he didn't pay for my meal/drinks as well. This Friday we went out again and again we paid separately for everything - drinks, meals etc. When we hang out we have really good conversation and good times. He isn't the best looking guy that I like but I like the fact that we share a lot of common interests. He said he went back to school again so he kinda needs to take care of his money. But I just feel weird since he has the money to pay for his own drinks and meals yet he doesn't want to pay for mine? I am confused as whether he sees this as dating or just meeting new friends. He touches me or leans towards me or tried to hug me when we meet, which makes me feel that he wants me. I don't know.
No_Go Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Well if you met online you're obviously dating.Just his style is to go Dutch on dates. Many men are like this. Also now that if he pays for both he spends 2x amount, so if he can afford x, it doesn't mean he can afford the double. So I met this guy online and we had a lot of common interests. He asked me if I wanted to see a show last week and I said yes. I thought he would buy the tickets for me but he didn't, which is fine because the ticket is a bit expensive. But when we were at the venue he didn't pay for my meal/drinks as well. This Friday we went out again and again we paid separately for everything - drinks, meals etc. When we hang out we have really good conversation and good times. He isn't the best looking guy that I like but I like the fact that we share a lot of common interests. He said he went back to school again so he kinda needs to take care of his money. But I just feel weird since he has the money to pay for his own drinks and meals yet he doesn't want to pay for mine? I am confused as whether he sees this as dating or just meeting new friends. He touches me or leans towards me or tried to hug me when we meet, which makes me feel that he wants me. I don't know. 2
Author mushroomlol Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 Well if you met online you're obviously dating.Just his style is to go Dutch on dates. Many men are like this. Also now that if he pays for both he spends 2x amount, so if he can afford x, it doesn't mean he can afford the double. At least he can pay for our first date?! I don't know I have never had such experience before. He also sometimes complains that something is expensive. 1
GemmaUK Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Ugh! Honestly, this whole debate with dating over who pays drives me insane!! I have a job, therefore I pay my share. If we were back in the 1900's and I was brought up on elocution lessons, sewing and cooking skills but didn't work for a living then yes, I would expect a man to pay. 4
Emilia Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 This female enslavement to male finances drives me up the wall. 3
BaileyB Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I certainly appreciate it when a man pays. But, it makes me uncomfortable. I prefer to pay my own way for most things... And if he treats occasionally, I just try to accept graciously and appreciate the intention. 2
todreaminblue Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I like to go dutch.......to me it gives a shared interest in the date...i dont think it should ever be taken for granted a man will pay especially on a first date...i also dont mind at all if a guy pays for me ...i appreciate and respect the offer..its old fashioned and gentlemanly(as long as its not something he expects after paying)..if a guy did...i would offer to pay the next date...which woudl then also tell him a second date is on my mind......or i would pay for ice creams on the way home or drinks......or if he bought movie tickets i would buy popcorn and or snacks... if a guy specifically said to me i have to watch my money im a student...going dutch would seem the best idea going dutch does not mean lack of interest......deb 2
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 At least he can pay for our first date?! I don't know I have never had such experience before. He also sometimes complains that something is expensive. I'm with you mushroom. I have never had a man ask me out on a first date, to see an expensive show no less, and expect me to pay for my own ticket, or not even offer to buy me a drink while there. If he did, I would presume he just wants to be friends... And for the record, if I invited him to see a show, I would pay for both our tickets... I think it was presumptuous of him to assume you could even afford to buy your own ticket to an expensive show like that. I am all for initiating and paying, but I think when a man asks a woman out on a first date, it is on him to pay.... he invited her, as his guest (per se) ...... he pays. That is how I was raised. Again, if I invited him, I would pay.. I don't know what some guys are thinking, but personally I would find such guy cheap, rude and presumptuous... and be so turned off, I would most likely cut the date short, go home, block delete next... Unless it was understood beforehand we going out as friends...
BaileyB Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 if a guy did...i would offer to pay the next date...which woudl then also tell him a second date is on my mind......or i would pay for ice creams on the way home or drinks......or if he bought movie tickets i would buy popcorn and or snacks... This is pretty much what happens more often than not. 1
Author mushroomlol Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 I can definitely pay for my own. And I feel bad if the guy pays for everything every single time cuz I think that's not necessary. I just feel like at least he could show that he's willing to pay for me. But again, it's prob because I was never in this situation before so I kinda think this is a big issue.
Author mushroomlol Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 I'm with you mushroom. I have never had a man ask me out on a first date, to see an expensive show no less, and expect me to pay for my own ticket, or not even offer to buy me a drink while there. If he did, I would presume he just wants to be friends... And for the record, if I invited him to see a show, I would pay for both our tickets... I think it was presumptuous of him to assume you could even afford to buy your own ticket to an expensive show like that. I am all for initiating and paying, but I think when a man asks a woman out on a first date, it is on him to pay.... he invited her, as his guest (per se) ...... he pays. That is how I was raised. Again, if I invited him, I would pay.. I don't know what some guys are thinking, but personally I would find such guy cheap, rude and presumptuous... and be so turned off, I would most likely cut the date short, go home, block delete next... Unless it was understood beforehand we going out as friends... That's what I was thinking Katie. I think he's cheap sometimes. Esp when he complains that this drink is expensive. I think I may go out with him as a friend since we have a lot of common interests. Can never see him as a date... 1
Lorenza Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I think guys should only pay if they take you out places you can't afford. Otherwise, what is there in a working, independent woman that prevents her for paying her share? Are you a feminist, Op? (feminst as in someone who thinks women and men deserves equal rights) 3
Shining One Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 This female enslavement entitlement to male finances drives me up the wall.Slightly edited for my thoughts on this topic. 1
Shining One Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I don't know what some guys are thinking, but personally I would find such guy cheap, rude and presumptuous.Wouldn't a person who wants to contribute 0% to the date and expects all of their date expenses to be covered by the other person be cheap and presumptuous by definition? 1
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) Wouldn't a person who wants to contribute 0% to the date and expects all of their date expenses to be covered by the other person be cheap and presumptuous by definition? Shining, I don't wish to get into this with you. Please read my post again, all of it. If he invited me to an expensive show, as his guest, on a date, he pays. If I invited him, I pay. I have no issue with initiating and paying when I am dating someone. 50/50 you know that... He initiates and pays sometimes.... I initiate and pay sometimes. As for what this guy did, invited the OP out on a first date, to an expensive show, and expected her to pay her own way is just cheap. And yes presumptuous for assuming she could even afford it.... Who does this? Is that something you would do? I doubt it! Edited June 19, 2016 by katiegrl
preraph Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 You can't do anything except not accept dates if you can't afford it. If he asks you to something and it's straining your pocketbook, please do not hesistate to tell him, "I'm going to have to pass. I'm just too broke." After all, that's what he's telling you. And anyway, if you're paying half, which is okay I guess, you should have equal say in what you do and where you go, so don't just sit there and pretend he gets to call the shots. Just speak up. "I don't think i want to spend money going to that game because I'm not really into sports." "I'd rather just go get an inexpensive taco somewhere or ride bikes." Just speak up. He has a limit and so do you. 1
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Good lord, whatever happened to men being gallant and actually *wanting* to treat a woman on a first date because he is interested in her? And if she is interested, she accepts and then reciprocates? I dunno anymore, very disheartening..... 3
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I cannot even imagine that actually. A man makes a point to ask me out, to dinner let's say, and I am supposed to say.... where? Just want to make sure I can afford? Seriously? OMG the men I know would either LOL or be insulted by that! This is a DATE, not two friends hanging out grabbing a bite to eat..... I'll get the next one if we click....
Shining One Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 If he invited me to an expensive show, as his guest, on a date, he pays. If I invited him, I pay.Whenever a woman has invited me out, I have never expected her to pay my share. Sometimes they pay and sometimes they don't. I don't judge them negatively if I end up paying my share.As for what this guy did, invited the OP out on a first date, to an expensive show, and expected her to pay her own way is just cheap.Logically, if paying only 50% is cheap, paying 0% is also cheap..And yes presumptuous for assuming she could even afford it....It's also presumptuous to expect someone else to cover your costs. They are both being presumptuous. Who does this? Is that something you would do? I doubt it!You're right, I don't do this. My preference is taking turns. However, I'm also open to 50/50 every date if that's the woman's preference.
Lorenza Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Good lord, whatever happened to men being gallant and actually *wanting* to treat a woman on a first date because he is interested in her? And if she is interested, she accepts and then reciprocates? I dunno anymore, very disheartening..... What's so disheartening about the patriarchy taking a step back? Women getting empowered? 1
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Whenever a woman has invited me out, I have never expected her to pay my share. Sometimes they pay and sometimes they don't. I don't judge them negatively if I end up paying my share.Logically, if paying only 50% is cheap, paying 0% is also cheap..It's also presumptuous to expect someone else to cover your costs. They are both being presumptuous. You're right, I don't do this. My preference is taking turns. However, I'm also open to 50/50 every date if that's the woman's preference. No it isn't presumptuous to expect that when a man asks me out on a date, *invites me out*... that he pays. Not to me anyway. Unless it is understood beforehand that we are going out as friends. I am just about to embark on dating again after 6.5 years. Apparently I am in for a very rude awakening if this is how men treat women and dating nowadays...... Such is life I guess... ugh... And like you, when I have invited a man out, he rarely if ever has let me pay either. But I am sure he appreciated my offering anyway.... If we are in a relationship that is different. Give and take. 50/50....either financially or in other ways...
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Whenever a woman has invited me out, I have never expected her to pay my share. Sometimes they pay and sometimes they don't. I don't judge them negatively if I end up paying my share.Logically, if paying only 50% is cheap, paying 0% is also cheap..It's also presumptuous to expect someone else to cover your costs. They are both being presumptuous. -- You're right, I don't do this. My preference is taking turns. However, I'm also open to 50/50 every date if that's the woman's preference. ^^ Well it wasn't the OP's preference. In fact he never asked her what her preference was. He just *presumed* she would go for it, pay her own way, and could afford it = presumptuous. Done debating this! So sick of this paying issue... It's ridiculous.
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) What's so disheartening about the patriarchy taking a step back? Women getting empowered? I feel plenty empowered without being expected to pay my own share when a man asks me out, invites me out *on a date*... especially a FIRST date. I dunno the men I have dated have been different I guess. Gallant perhaps old school in a way. They actually enjoyed treating me because they were interested in me and to differentiate between two friends hanging out, and a dating situation where there is a romantic interest and one person invites the other out and offers to pay.... Times have changed apparently since I last dated.... Edited June 19, 2016 by katiegrl 1
basil67 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I feel plenty empowered without being expected to pay my own share when a man asks me out, invites me out *on a date*... especially a FIRST date. I dunno the men I have dated have been different I guess. Gallant perhaps old school in a way. They actually enjoyed treating me because they were interested in me and to differentiate between two friends hanging out, and a dating situation where there is a romantic interest and one person invites the other out and offers to pay.... Times have changed apparently since I last dated.... Katiegrl, you keep saying "man". But the OP's boyfriend is a student...therefore he may well be a boy. Or at least a young man who's a starving uni student. I think it's really important to not compare the actions of a student with, say, a 38yo man who has a proper income.
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