ennui Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Hi guys, Would love to hear from a male (female too) perspective about texting when you're in a relationship with someone. Recently, I've started a relationship with a 32 years old male. He's really sweet and affectionate when we're physically together. But I simply couldn't get over the fact that he doesn't initiate text messages with me nor does he text me often. Our daily text messages are really simple and boring (how's your morning, have u eaten...). I'm always the one initiating messages. While he replies me, it's often a one/two sentence that doesn't allow much continuation. And I'm used to have having frequent text messages exchange with the guys I'm dating. I'm having doubts of whether it's a genuine relationship, where he's genuinely interested in me. When we had the exclusivity talk, he still had his online dating profile up, so he promised me that he would deactivate it. But he didn't do it (and he logged in once in that 2 days). Two days later, I told him over text that I think it's only right for him to deactivate it, if he wants us to have a proper relationship. If he prefers to have it active, then maybe something is missing or he's having his doubt. If that's the case, we could stay as friends instead. He chose to deactivate it. But this incident implanted a doubt in me towards how exactly is he feeling towards me/us ever since. We don't talk on the phone, and we don't meet very often, once or twice a week (its also partially due to my busy schedule). I'm just wondering is it just a personal trait issue, may be for guys and him being older means that he's not big on texting, or is he simply just not that interested in me? Would love to hear your views.
gkly Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Suggest something like, "I would love to talk on phone once in a while. It makes me happy hearing your voice (and you can complement positive aspects of his voice...like deep, sexy, etc.)" If you are in relationship, it's ok to ask about his communication style. He could be a guy who doesn't feel confident in texting. It's hard to come up with interesting things to say and witty come backs. In my opinion, second guessing should take place during courting period. Try different texting, like bring up inside jokes or things you talked about when you guys were together. For example, my date and I talked about Japan's weird holidays. So one day I texted, "So it seems like Japan is not the only country with weird holiday. It's a kiss day in Korea (with kiss emoji)" and we started to flirt, "can't wait to kiss you the next time I see you." If he doesn't listen to you even though you told him what makes you happy, then I would say he's not putting effort into this relationship.
Zippy2000 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Doesnt sound like he`s putting much effort into you or the relationship. If you`re the one always initiating texts. Maybe that`s off putting and you should step back to see if he initiates texts to you. Some people just arent good with texts. Its still early in the relationship. Say if nothing changes in the next 6 months then youll know where you stand. People normalyy get excited and behave themselves on the first few weeks or months. It could go downhill from here depending on how you play the game.
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 My wife would think I'm not interested if we base it on my phone use. I don't text people first. I never call anyone. I don't know what to say ever. When in personi can talk for hours. Get me on a call and I just want to get off. I don't have any social media crap. Not my style. Doesn't necessarily mean he isn't interested. I'm sure I'm not the only 32 year old that thinks and acts this way.
Author ennui Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 Thanks everyone for your replies. I decided to ask him about it. Over text though. He said that he was surprised that I'm feeling this way as he felt that we do text quite a bit. And he did try to ask more questions like why do u think we text very little. Does a text means I'm thinking of you and etc. I've decided to put my faith in the fact that it's probably due to his personal habit for a few months. If it's still making me doubt about the relationship, then I'll probably rethink about this rs. I'm hoping for the best here. Thanks!
Blanco Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 It's a shame we've entered a time when texting is the predominant form of communication for many relationships, or really, social interaction. People who aren't keen on developing carpal tunnel by engaging in 90-texts-a-day "conversations" are instantly put at a disadvantage. 1
Author ennui Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 Hi blanco. Yes, it could be seen as this way too. But another school of thought that I have is that. We don't see each other everyday. In fact, we only meet once or twice a week. If you're interested in the person, wouldn't you be interested to find out how's the day of your partner or to share the little things of your day with the person too? That was what made me doubt his feelings for me. Wouldn't he want to reach out to me if he's interested in me? Or that he's thinking of me. Why isn't he interested to share his day with me? Or to ask about mine? I know that face to face conversation is important. But isn't daily conversation over text be equally important if u can't meet everyday?
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