Teknoe Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 OK maybe "terrible" is a bit of hyperbole, but when I factor in all the, er, factors, "terrible" isn't far from it. Was talking with this girl on eHarmony after I noticed she viewed my profile. We were matched back in January and I saw she viewed my profile late May when I updated my profile picture. Decided to hit her up with the 5 quick questions. She responded, which told me she was interested enough to at least engage. Things moved quickly through the emailing stages. We exchanged numbers and decided to meet on Saturday (yesterday). She even asked me to call her on the phone mid-week. It was a bit old school, but I like that. We ended up having a pretty good 20 minute conversation. One thing I gathered from it though was that her profile wasn't lying when it said she's a pretty serious person. After a good phone call of free flowing conversation, she said "Looking forward to Saturday" and so I replied in kind. Then she said suddenly rather coldly, "OK good bye." It was so abrupt that it caught me off guard. But I should have known. (note: I'm a bit of a goofball and don't do so well with uptight people -- as romantic partners I mean) The other thing I need to mention is that we live 2 hours apart. So we decided to meet 3/4 of the way. Unfortunately it was 90 minutes driving for me, and only 30 for her. So it was a long drive for me. But I found her pictures to be attractive, and thought it was worth a shot. I get to the restaurant first and it's on the second floor. I look down through the glass window and see her walking my way. We made eye contact and I waved hi at her. She gave me a serious look and didn't return the gesture. Subconsciously I registered it as a bad sign but thought to myself "whatever... don't change, be yourself." She walks up about 20 seconds later. I like to greet my dates with a hug. It's just my way of showing confidence and that it's how I greet someone I am interested in seeing. OMG -- it was the most awkward failed hug attempt ever. She clearly wanted no part of the hug as she turned her body to the side and I ended up giving her a very wimpy "side hug" (if you can even call it that). Jesus. It was bad. And awkward. Right then, I knew the date was on borrowed time. The conversation was a bit stilted. It wasn't as free flowing as our phone call was. She was very serious, and seemed very uptight. She did smile and laugh here and there, but it was very strained. I didn't feel comfortable around her but still, at the end of our lunch I asked if she wanted to walk around town for a bit. I drove 90 minutes, had a 60 minute lunch... didn't want to drive back so soon. I kinda knew we weren't a good fit for each other, but still a walk never hurt anyone. She declined however, saying "Oh actually I think I'll head back. I gotta work on a resume." So we walked out and normally I walk my dates back to their car, whether it's day or night. In this case, I didn't even bother. I bolted. Honestly, I felt disgusted by the whole situation. Disappointed might be a better word, but she was SO cold. She obviously found my online pictures and profile "attractive enough" to want to meet up, and my photo was super recent, so I'm not sure how she ended up being so cold... other than maybe that's just her personality and that there are things I can't control or change that would have made her more warm toward me. It is what it is. So, to sum it up: -Drove nearly 4 hours (lot of traffic on the way back) -Actual date itself was one hour -She was cold, and uninterested -Worst first date I've probably ever had Usually after a "non-connected" date I at least text the girl "Hey nice meeting you" and she will do the same, but with this one I didn't even bother. It wasn't worth it. Lessons I've learned? I guess I need to go with my gut more. I had a strong inkling she was serious, and I need to pursue girls in the future based more on compatibility than looks. I kinda had a strong gut feeling this wasn't going to work out, but I forged ahead anyway, hoping the 5% chance that it might work out would. It, of course, didn't. I know others have had more worse dates than what I experienced yesterday, but I'm just saying FOR ME this was my worst date to, er, date. Left a really sour taste in my mouth. Luckily, next week I have a "date" with a family friend that I saw last weekend and I felt we kinda hit it off and the chemistry seems pretty good. She's also much more easy going and laid back. 2
BaileyB Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 So sorry it didn't work out. We have all been there... Better luck next week! 2
Els Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Better luck with the next one! If you are desiring a LTR and not a hookup/casual dating, compatibility should be your #1 priority IMO. Of course, attraction still needs to be there, but if there is no compatibility there is no hope of sustaining a LTR with that person. 2
True Gent Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Well one good way to look at it is that at least you knew pretty quickly it wasn't going anywhere! I think we've all been through something similar. It does make you think 'why bother?' sometimes, especially when you have went out of your way to meet. It's still better than her being all happy, smiley, touchy and flirty saying how great a time she's had and how you must meet up again soon only for you to never hear from her again! That's just confusing and leaves you hanging, at least this was a definite no from the outset. It sounds like you knew there were some combitibilty issues anyway, so best to learn from it and move on. 2
Philosopher Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I have been a few dates in which I have wanted to bolt as soon as possible. Usually on these dates it will be a case of have one or two drinks and leave after around an hour, which I see as the minimum length of time a date can last without being obviously rude. Normally on these dates it is a case that they looked considerably better in their profile pictures, we have barely anything in common and the conversation is silted. All in all it amounts to 2 to 3 hours of the day wasted, more if they arrive 15 to 30 minute late which is often the case. I have even had one date arrive a whole hour late. It seems to be the case that the dates in which I have low expectations to begin with almost always go badly, but I persist in the hope that I am proven wrong. I too have concluded more I need to be more discerning with online dating and only go on dates I expect to go well. 1
4x4storm Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 This happened a few weeks ago and I will say it has put me off tinder for a awhile. I matched with this girl 2 weeks ago she looked ok enough just to have sex with. But reds flags were raised everywhere quickly 1.She schedule's our date 1 month in advance! then out of no where say's we should meet up tomorrow. 2.She warned me about her protective sister who has attacked her ex boyfriends in the past. 3.Her txting was all over the place just really strange for a girl. 4.She refused to add me on facebook it took me a full day to track her down and seen some questionable pictures on her profile. But from experience all the dates I was worried about turned out amazing with every girl looking way better then her photo well not this time.... I walk up to her at our meeting spot and first thing I notice is she is fatter then her profile picture. I then look at her arms and there is just hair everywhere. She is holding a plastic bag full of clothes I ask "Oh you have been shopping or returning some things?" She replies "No these are just my work/ day to day clothes. At this point I honestly just wanted to leave but I sucked it up and proceeded to get coffee with her. She sat there the whole time and said absolutely nothing! And every 2 minutes she would let out this big "Sigh!". I ask her when she needs to leave and she replies with "I need to leave in 2 hours" Even though I just wanted to run I felt it would be rude to ditch her for that long so I ask if she would like to look around the stores a bit I WOULD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!. We walk into one store and start looking and as she walks in front of me I notice she still has the F#### price tag hanging on her jumper! I was like nope can't do this anymore I gotta bounce so as she is paying for something I make a runner. She notices and comes wobbling after me! She catches up and I say " Oh sorry my bus is about to arrive I gotta go" She replies " That's ok I gotta wait there as well". So we get to the bus stop and as the first bus pulls up I didn't care if it was mine or not I was getting on it!!! I say to her "Oh well this is me!" she leans in for a kiss and I literally dive onto the bus pay for the ride sprint up to the back hide in the corner and block/unmatch her on everything. 1
Satu Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I've never done OLD, but I do remember one excruciatingly awkward dinner date. There was not one spark between us, even though the conversation flowed well. Couldn't wait for it to end. You just have to put it behind you. Take care.
Author Teknoe Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 I too have concluded more I need to be more discerning with online dating and only go on dates I expect to go well. Amen. 4x4 -- that sounds terrible! Thanks for giving me perspective. Now my date seems "below average" as opposed to downright terrible, lol. Putting this one in the rear view mirror and moving on! 1
katiegrl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Teknoe, agree with others, but what I am wondering is .... what are these initial five questions you ask women before deciding whether or not to proceed further? I soon will be joining eHarmony..... are these eHarmony's questions or yours?
Author Teknoe Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 Teknoe, agree with others, but what I am wondering is .... what are these initial five questions you ask women before deciding whether or not to proceed further? I soon will be joining eHarmony..... are these eHarmony's questions or yours? eHarmony gives you a list and you get to select five with multiple choice answers. I don't remember my five but one for example is if you stay home for the evening what would you tend to do? Another one I like to ask is what is your idea of an adventure and what makes you more nervous.
bu2002 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 It's painful knowing there isn't going to be second date within about 5 minutes of the first date. That's usually the result of them not looking as good as their pictures. From my perspective (male), it usually boils down to these three things on a first date 1. Am I physically attracted to her? 2. Did we have playful banter by the end of the night? These types of exchanges lead to inside jokes you two can share going forward, and sets the mood for date #2. Quite simply, we just have to have a good time when we're together. 3. No deal breakers (from an OLD perspective, you would've had the chance to screen this before date #1) If there's no #1, and then I doubt #2 occurs as the overall energy level takes a down turn.
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