Dating a doctor or dealership owner

[katiegrl]

Ok, so I don't feel like I was being arrogant, I was listing out my situation and painting a picture with words to get some decent responses. I don't flaunt my cars or anything material, I'm my self during a date. To reiterate, I feel like my assets have to be shown, because I don't have a job that's relatable to many people. So again, the JD or MD have a relatable job title, where as a dealership owner doesnt. So I'm trying to figure out the psyche of women that gravitate towards a title rather than a good guy. I may not have been clear in my original post, that's probably my fault.

 

Based on my experience, the type of women I'm going for have achieved alot in their careers as well as having a minimum of a masters/under grad if not more. . I'm not shallow and don't reveal anything about my personal achievements until it's time. I did it here, just to give you an idea of where I'm coming from.

 

So YOU don't feel like you were being arrogant?

 

It would behoove you to work on being cognizant of how *other people* - besides YOURSELF -- *perceive* you, because yes, based on your posts on this thread, you appear to be very self-entitled and arrogant.

 

And that is a huge off to many women, no matter how much money you make.

Edited June 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[kidm]

So is the problem that if you tell a woman you are a business owner, you are worried she won't know immediately how rich and successful you are, whereas if you say you are a doctor, she will know?

 

I'm honestly confused about the problem here. If you just want to meet a woman with a good heart, none of this should matter. Your reasons for wanting to be a doctor just seem really superficial.

 

That's exactly how I interpreted it. Crazy!

[CarrieT]

All this rhetoric makes it sound like you want a girl who would be more interested in a title than someone of substance.

 

And, I have to point out, that for someone purporting such great success (an MBA, acceptance into law school AND medical school?), your spelling and grammar would seem to contradict what you are presenting. :rolleyes:

[BaileyB]

 

And, I have to point out, that for someone purporting such great success (an MBA, acceptance into law school AND medical school?), your spelling and grammar would seem to contradict what you are presenting. :rolleyes:

 

I love it!!

[elaine567]

It is not that dealership owner does not carry any clout. YOU perceive that dealership owner carries no clout, as you are "ashamed" of the job.

 

YOU have no respect for yourself. Whilst the money may help, you do not see what you do as being worthy of praise and honour and ultimately respect by anyone else.

YOU are essentially a used car salesman, you may be a pretty good one, you may deal in upper class motors, you may rake in the cash, but that is what you are and that is not good enough for you, no matter how many pennies you put into your bank account, no matter how successful you are.

In your mind, you are a "failed" professional graduate, you dropped out of law, you quit med school and whilst you did so for very valid financial reasons, it still rankles... Such huge promise at 22, now essentially selling cars for a living... I get it.

 

YOU want that professional qualification to give you what you perceive as status.

 

This is not really about women or what women think, this is about you.

[Risktaker1]

So is the problem that if you tell a woman you are a business owner, you are worried she won't know immediately how rich and successful you are, whereas if you say you are a doctor, she will know?

 

I'm honestly confused about the problem here. If you just want to meet a woman with a good heart, none of this should matter. Your reasons for wanting to be a doctor just seem really superficial.

 

You nailed it. Theres a dichotomy between the "known" professions and unknown. There's security with the doctor, but none with the risk taker. Which could be the opposite. He could be a great giver, but a horrible spouse and father. Think about it. Doctor in any language speaks success, but business man - not so much. Which is the opposite because "some" women have been groomed one way. There's more than one road to the white house, just like there's more than one to success and happiness.

 

Reread the responses. I'd go into neuro for pts with auto immune disorders. To give back to them the service they need. How is that superficial?! There are no cures for MS or ALS, except for hope, and research.

[Emilia]

They actually reckon they've found the cure for MS but anyway....

 

Your problem is that you are thin-skinned. You don't rate your own career, maybe it's the environment you grew up in.

 

The most hated lot in the UK are estate agents and all my estate agent mates have plenty of women because they earn good money and they are chatty. I worked on a sales floor for 6 years, the guys had loads to spend and had women come out of their ears because they had the extroverted charm coupled with cash.

 

Your problem is yourself, not the women.

[Risktaker1]

All this rhetoric makes it sound like you want a girl who would be more interested in a title than someone of substance.

 

And, I have to point out, that for someone purporting such great success (an MBA, acceptance into law school AND medical school?), your spelling and grammar would seem to contradict what you are presenting. :rolleyes:

 

Thanks for being the first one to proof read my posts. This had more to do with econonics and transactional angles of dating. Not my high school vernacular. As long as I'm getting the facts out for you to form an opinion, of any sort, I think I'm doing my job. This wasn't a pitch book, personal stmt, or the MCAT LSAT. It's loveshack.org. I just wanted to see some responses and get traction on the subject. Guys view it one way, and I wanted the female perspective.

 

I don't do blogs or social media so im not terribly concerned about grammar through my smart phone. But great catch!

[Risktaker1]

They actually reckon they've found the cure for MS but anyway....

 

Your problem is that you are thin-skinned. You don't rate your own career, maybe it's the environment you grew up in.

 

The most hated lot in the UK are estate agents and all my estate agent mates have plenty of women because they earn good money and they are chatty. I worked on a sales floor for 6 years, the guys had loads to spend and had women come out of their ears because they had the extroverted charm coupled with cash.

 

Your problem is yourself, not the women.

 

See all of these responses are relative to geography. You can compare men and women on a general level, but nothing too granular. Men and women will differ from country to country.

[katiegrl]

Thanks for being the first one to proof read my posts. This had more to do with econonics and transactional angles of dating. Not my high school vernacular. As long as I'm getting the facts out for you to form an opinion, of any sort, I think I'm doing my job. This wasn't a pitch book, personal stmt, or the MCAT LSAT. It's loveshack.org. I just wanted to see some responses and get traction on the subject. Guys view it one way, and I wanted the female perspective.

 

 

--

 

**I don't do blogs or social media so im not terribly concerned about grammar through my smart phone. But great catch!

 

As I said in my previous post, you really need to be cognizant of how others perceive you, because people, women, DO pay attention to a man's grammar, and if a man presents himself as having bad grammar or not caring about it, the *perception* is he just isn't as bright or educated as he purports himself to be.

 

And just because Carrie was the one to actually say it.... I noticed too, and I would venture to guess others did too.

 

Sorry...

Edited June 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[Emilia]

See all of these responses are relative to geography. You can compare men and women on a general level, but nothing too granular. Men and women will differ from country to country.

That would be the case if we weren't talking about London where I live. In London there is no such thing as 'geography' or 'country to country'. We have all races, hue, culture, nationality.

 

If you keep looking at external excuses instead of dealing with your own issues, you won't fix your problem.

 

What do you parents think of your business? Are they disappointed in you?

[Risktaker1]

With all due respect, (and I am trying to help here you are already doing what I would recommend for finding a quality women on a date. Do these women specifically say you are lacking in achievement? I am curious how you came to this conclusion that this is the issue?

 

thanks! They don't say this specifically. I can tell which females want/need that arm candy with a title. This isn't all women, but the few that I've came across. You can tell that they're trying to upgrade from their last r/s, or upstage their curent bf (and yes ibe been on dates with girks who aRe in an existing r/s after some due dilligence. They'll blatantly ask questions about income, title, etc...so after a couple of go around with women like this, i/we have realized that unless the girl really knows what the profession is, she wouldn't take you seriously. Easier for me to cross them off the list, than to woo them. Or she'll ask exactly where in Midtown I stay to measure property values. I don't blame women In their 30s for doing that, Afterall I'm sure they don't want to waste time with a slacker.

[Versacehottie]

Subjectively, I'd be more into a successful business guy than a doctor. You are being too one sided (not to mention you are not a girl) with how you process this information. I would say if you want to express the compassionate, do-gooder side of yourself (both to satisfy that need in your and fully express who you are when you meet women), then you should do that in a way you can. What comes to mind is that you must have a good entrepreneurial spirit so there is a lot you can do surrounding medical/health field that will impact it in a good way. You should really get involved in a charity or a cause that is important to you and put your money and business sense to use. That would be equally attractive.

 

You can't just look at this "problem" one-dimensionally. Just as you have done well in business, I'm sure if you think about it, there is more than one way to solve this issue. I think it would be really silly to go back to med school now if one of the main reasons for doing so was to attract women. First of all, you are overestimating that profession as an attraction tool. Secondly, you are underestimating the entire gender of women, as well as that a profession such as you have can be attractive too. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that some of the big city dealership people have done some amazing things at a philanthropy level that at some point can bring the same level of prestige as a doctor who is involved in the community. Do some research if you don't know. There are several big name people/families that have done well in business through dealerships and done well for their communities.

 

Thirdly, on a practical, logistical basis, if you go to med school for next 8 years when are you going to have time to date? If you want to be effective for your life as a whole, keep doing what you are doing (assuming you enjoy it/sounded like you did) AND contribute to medicine in another way that will make sense for your life (charity, volunteer, donating, allotted time that you have to give). And if all this still doesn't make sense, you should see a therapist. Honestly, how is a job title or a women who cares about only that portion of you, going to fix what is inside of you? You need to work on that. What a shame to have achieved outside success but never feel as if you are enough--you may be headed down that path if you don't deal with this--it's inside. Good luck

[Risktaker1]

That would be the case if we weren't talking about London where I live. In London there is no such thing as 'geography' or 'country to country'. We have all races, hue, culture, nationality.

 

If you keep looking at external excuses instead of dealing with your own issues, you won't fix your problem.

 

What do you parents think of your business? Are they disappointed in you?

 

They love it and couldn't be happier. My brother and I see them daily. We live close by. They were excited about med school, but torn that I was leaving behind a great thing.

[Emilia]

They love it and couldn't be happier. My brother and I see them daily. We live close by. They were excited about med school, but torn that I was leaving behind a great thing.

So why is it that you don't rate your own career? Do you look down on materialistic people? Do you like other dealers/car salesmen? Are your friends in sales?

[Risktaker1]

I must be one of the few, like Bailey. I ironically was taken out to dinner just 3 weeks ago by, wait for it, a doctor. He spouted the same concerns AT DINNER (women after him for wrong reasons) He proceeded to order everything without even asking what I wanted and practically forced me to eat things I don't even normally eat, talked about his exes incessantly and negatively then he drove away in his... Lamborghini. And he wonders why he can't find a quality woman.

 

That's very unacceptable. See if he was smart and really wanted to test you, he would be had a second "decoy" car to throw you off. Something more modest like a bmw. Some girls like that, and because of their years of studying they need to "catch up" with those dating experiences. I on the other hand, would hate to be valued for my title. I'm just more comfortable in my skin, to have the women accept me for me, otherwise they can keep on with their first dates.

[Ruby Slippers]

You're a business owner with money. You're right that "my boyfriend/husband is a doctor" is the status equivalent of "my girlfriend/wife is a model/actress". But business owner is pretty up there on the status chain, too, especially if you have a lot of money.

 

The read I'm getting from your posts is that you're worried about your ability to attract hot, young women. But if you're an assertive, charming guy with lots of money, that will never, ever be a problem for you, unless you're really going wrong somewhere. There will never be a shortage of young, pretty women in the free world who want cool, fun guys to entertain and provide for them.

 

Yes, a certain subset will only go for certain pedigrees. I get the impression you see these women as a challenge. You can try it. Some of them won't consider you for reasons you can't get around. But I'm sure some of them can be swayed.

[Risktaker1]

Risktaker, When you are less defensive go back and read this post in particular. You admittedly have a ton of regret for several things not accomplished in your life. This has nothing to do with dating but it WILL affect dating in that you are projecting your regret in very defensive ways. Regret is like a cancer (and yes, I do see the irony of using a medical term). It will eat away at you until you either reconcile within yourself the choices you have made or make changes to undue the regret (hence becoming an MD). I agree you have made some pretty amazing things happen in your life and you should be proud and helping your family out is very commendable. Any arm chair psychiatrist can see you are your worst enemy though. Your energy is one of regret and dispite what you touted about women your age being jaded, you are also quite jaded. Its pretty impossible to get to your 30s and 40s and not get a little jaded (hence my disdain for dating doctors). Its human. Its how you deal with the jaded parts that matter. You are seaking something can only come from within... and not from a 20-30 year old 9/10. Self acceptance.

 

Well said! My father's said that before, not about me, but people in general. We are our own worst enemy. In this case it might be true as well.

[Risktaker1]

It is not that dealership owner does not carry any clout. YOU perceive that dealership owner carries no clout, as you are "ashamed" of the job.

 

YOU have no respect for yourself. Whilst the money may help, you do not see what you do as being worthy of praise and honour and ultimately respect by anyone else.

YOU are essentially a used car salesman, you may be a pretty good one, you may deal in upper class motors, you may rake in the cash, but that is what you are and that is not good enough for you, no matter how many pennies you put into your bank account, no matter how successful you are.

In your mind, you are a "failed" professional graduate, you dropped out of law, you quit med school and whilst you did so for very valid financial reasons, it still rankles... Such huge promise at 22, now essentially selling cars for a living... I get it.

 

YOU want that professional qualification to give you what you perceive as status.

 

This is not really about women or what women think, this is about you.

 

Nicely put! Dealers have plenty of clout, look at tesla, gpi, etc...My view is skewed because at the core of it, we sell cars. Very nice ones lol, but that's what we do. You're right, that's just not good enough for me. I don't think dropping out of professional programs was a terrible thing. I've met with dealership owners that have done substantially well. Their answers are, you have to be proud of what you do despite the negative connotations associated with the business due to previous generations. Being from a younger breed, it's the negativity that society associates with it that has me confused.

[katiegrl]

Well said! My father's said that before, not about me, but people in general.

 

---

 

**We are our own worst enemy. In this case it might be true as well.

 

I'm starting to like you now....

[Risktaker1]

So why is it that you don't rate your own career? Do you look down on materialistic people? Do you like other dealers/car salesmen? Are your friends in sales?

 

Ofcourse I loom down on materialistic people lol. We've sold cars to drs lawyers radio talk show owners. Some are deserving. But the vast majority are materialistic. You see the true colors of someone when they're buying a car or a home. Some ppl are genuine and athentic, but the vast majority are shallow. Maybe I'm wrong.

[katiegrl]

Nicely put! Dealers have plenty of clout, look at tesla, gpi, etc...My view is skewed because at the core of it, we sell cars. Very nice ones lol, but that's what we do. You're right, that's just not good enough for me. I don't think dropping out of professional programs was a terrible thing. I've met with dealership owners that have done substantially well. Their answers are, you have to be proud of what you do despite the negative connotations associated with the business due to previous generations. Being from a younger breed, it's the negativity that society associates with it that has me confused.

 

I had a feeling that was it .... your perception of yourself was that of a glorified used (or new) car salesman...

 

And we all know how "they* can be! LOL

 

Personally I think you should feel proud of what you have accomplished.

 

If some women look down on you because you are in the business of selling cars, screw em.

 

Who needs that crap. Ugh. Shallow, superficial.

 

You can do better than that....

[Risktaker1]

As I said in my previous post, you really need to be cognizant of how others perceive you, because people, women, DO pay attention to a man's grammar, and if a man presents himself as having bad grammar or not caring about it, the *perception* is he just isn't as bright or educated as he purports himself to be.

 

And just because Carrie was the one to actually say it.... I noticed too, and I would venture to guess others did too.

 

Sorry...

 

I understand, but my goal was to see what the overall sentiment was. A few actually delivered the answers and feed back I was looking for. If I was texting or emailing, just one person, rather than everyone on here, I would've been keen on grammar. I knew the grammar and typos were there. This wasn't a fight I was trying to win, just gaining perspective. Thanks for your time.

[SoleMate]

OP, your thread suffers from a lack of clarity.....what is your question?

 

Your dating life suffers from your erroneous assumptions about what women are looking for. Since you were admitted to two professional programs (accredited institutions, right....?), you must be intelligent enough to realize that to get your questions answered and improve your skills and understanding, you must inquire with an open mind and study from qualified sources and reality.....not just your own fantasies and beliefs.

 

So, I recommend not arguing based on your preconceptions, or contradicting anyone challenging your ideas, but rather listening to all the helpful posters here with a spirit of openness and listening. (Also a good skill to develop for use in the dating world.)

[BaileyB]

 

So, I recommend not arguing based on your preconceptions, or contradicting anyone challenging your ideas, but rather listening to all the helpful posters here with a spirit of openness and listening. (Also a good skill to develop for use in the dating world.)

 

And frankly, a good skill to develop for use if you pursue a career as a physician. Doctors who do not ask questions and listen to their patients, but push forward with the belief that they know it all and know what to do are honestly, a disgrace to their profession. We have all seen physicians who do this and nothing is worse than having to put your health and your life in the hands of a doctor who thinks he is doing the right thing... When in reality, he is not listening and being judgmental and dismissive of the patient he is trying to help.