joseb Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 To explain it a bit better she's studying Health/Nutrition at university. She started rambling how it's important people need have a little fat on them which is true. I asked her since starting the course has it changed her diet in any way which she replied "No". This also to me kinda sounds like a dealbreaker. But then she dropped that she would eat healthier if she was with someone. This sounds really odd. Someone is studying the benefits of nutrition, but doesn't even put them into place for herself? What kind of example is that setting? And saying she would eat healthier if she was with someone? I also thing that is just a really odd thing to say. Like she can't even function well enough alone to eat well? I guess maybe it's like the electrician whose house is constantly needing electrical repairs... Regarding her weight, I don't think you can assume she will lose any, so you need to decide if you are happy with her as she is. If not, then maybe don't waste each others time. 5
BaileyB Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Knowing something and doing something are very different things... Think of the Doctor who smokes or the policeman who works a very physical job but is really overweight. Everyone struggles with something, and it's hard to know what has contributed to this woman's relationship with food and her weight - maybe her parents restricted food when she was younger, maybe she was teased as a child, maybe she experiences depression or has had a significant loss in her life... You never know. Weight and body image are influenced by many different experiences. I think the question is - how important is it to you that your partner be in the same page (or a similar page) in terms of diet, exercise, and lifestyle? And, I think it's fair to assume that she will not change. And if she does, it will have to be her decision. You will have no control... Can you live with this and with this woman, if she stays at Her current weight or gains more weight.
No_Go Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Oh 20 pounds is not much unless she's very short (like 5'1). I bet you'd hardly make the difference of 10-20 pounds on an average height woman. I'm 5'7 and has been 120-140 pounds within the past few years. Obviously is ~15% difference in body weight, however - I haven't changed clothing sizes. I fit the same dresses pretty much, pants appear tighter but still fit when I'm heavier. If you like her - why don't you go on a second date? Not in a restaurant haha, like hiking, walk in a park or something to distract from 'food' talks No she is definitely not morbidly obese if I said she was above that's wrong. But she is overweight and to me that counts as someone who is limited in a physical way she is just sitting on the line though. And yeah I understand people will change with age that's what i'm thinking about with this women. It's good hear you are doing better and yes men do love meat on a woman i'm one of them! My definition of a women's body image goes *Under weight *Skinny *Average *Curvy *Chubby *Overweight *Obese To me this women just sits on being overweight if I ignored those few extra pounds now what might happen in the future if we started a relationship together and she decided it was ok to stack on more weight.
thelastunicorn Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 No I could care less if a girl was fit or not my ex was chubby and would eat what ever she liked. Then maybe you're just not physically attracted to her and won't be if she loses the weight either. If your ex wasnt fit and had unhealthy eating habits how is this girl really any different? She deserves to be with someone who doesn't need her to change her appearance to find her attractive. 1
Author 4x4storm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 Then maybe you're just not physically attracted to her and won't be if she loses the weight either. If your ex wasnt fit and had unhealthy eating habits how is this girl really any different? She deserves to be with someone who doesn't need her to change her appearance to find her attractive. Even though my ex was chubby this girl is far bigger i'm talking a good 40+ pound difference. And your right she doesn't need to change her appearance for me.
joseb Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Even though my ex was chubby this girl is far bigger i'm talking a good 40+ pound difference. And your right she doesn't need to change her appearance for me. Hang on. I thought you said we was 20 lbs overweight? That would make your ex super thin.... Anyway, yeah accept her as is or move on. 1
misspond Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Are you attracted to her? Yay! Go for for it. Or, not attracted? Then don't. It really is that simple.
basil67 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 So would you say the 2nd date is pointless for me to make my final decision? It's pointless if you can't happily accept her as she is. Have you considered that even a girl who has a healthy weight now can change in the future?
VeveCakes Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Never date someone hoping they will change. Overweight people struggle with their weight a lot and fluctuate all over. She might gain 60 lbs one year and lose 80 another. Too much of a gamble for you. I think it's brutal she is a nutritionist or studying to be one but doesn't practice herself. Says a lot right there. 1
Author 4x4storm Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 Well just to let everyone know what happened. We went on a second date and I automatically wasn't feeling it so I knew to keep it casual. Through out the date she kept getting closer but I didn't respond so we just sat and watched the movie and enjoyed ourselves. After the date she instantly sent me a text saying how she enjoyed tonight. I told her I enjoyed myself but I said we wern't made for each other and i'm very sorry. She took it very well and asked if it was her I told her she is very sweet but i'm still very much in love with my ex girlfriend and I don't feel anything between us. She understood and wished me luck in the future. Even though me and ex broke up 3 months I think it's finally hit me and is affecting my dating :/. After every date I just go home and watch our favorite movies then end up weeping myself to sleep. I never knew being in a 4 month relationship with someone could affect me this bad.
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 Even though me and ex broke up 3 months I think it's finally hit me and is affecting my dating :/. After every date I just go home and watch our favorite movies then end up weeping myself to sleep. I never knew being in a 4 month relationship with someone could affect me this bad. Oh dear... (((Hugs))) It will get better.
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 (edited) Many Women struggle with weight in today's society , almost every freakin' Magazine reminds us how we have to look and what size we should be ... Maybe she struggles too and if you are put off by 20 pounds than maybe you should make sure you'll find a leaner Woman ...maybe ask your future Dates about Parents Genes before actually Dating ... --- **it gets me a bit upset because so many women struggle to look good and some become seriously ill ... all to just fit into society ^^Amen! And I am one of those women.. My mom was a stick thin model, and maintained that weight until the day she died at 63 two years ago. From smoking, which she did to prevent her from eating! Growing up in my teens, God forbid I gained five pounds! I would never hear the end of it. Even developed a minor eating disorder for awhile. At 5'6", my lowest was 102. Now I am 115. Needless to say I have issues with my weight.... a bit obsessed actually with needing to remain thin. Probably too thin but I am healthy. But yeah it sucks, always being worried and feeling judged if I gain a few pounds. Edited July 3, 2016 by katiegrl
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