4x4storm Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 It's pretty ironic that I commented on a similar thread a few days ago voicing my opinion So a few days as I was about to delete my online dating profile I come across a girls profile I had never seen before. She had face shot only photos and one full picture of her in a dress she looked a little on the chubby side but looked absolute gorgeous! So we start talking and fireworks go off we have so much in common we quickly set up a date and exchanged facebook profiles and numbers. So of course I start digging through her profile like a hawk and I love what I'm seeing. But I start coming across a few photos of a girl who is overweight by a fair margin. It took me awhile it realize it was her! Now I can deal with a girl who is chubby and a little on the big side but she looks to be overweight to stage it's not healthy. The past few days we have been talking for hours on the phone I love talking to her but she keeps dropping hints about how important fat is in a persons lifestyle. I brushed it of for awhile but then eventually I came back with "Yeah but its important for someone to look after themselves I guess" She agreed with me but later sent me a message asking if I was looking for a "Thin pretty girl". She has told me about her incredibly difficult life so this may explain why her weight seems to change so rapidly photo to photo. And everyday she will send me a message how she loves talking to me and can't wait to spend time together. I just don't want to lead this girl on she has already told me i'm the only guy she is talking with should I cut down contact until the date actually happens?
Erik30 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 "...she keeps dropping hints about how important fat is in a persons lifestyle." So it's almost like a fetish to her? I'm asking because you're making it sound like she's morbidly obese, maybe even by choice because "fat is important to her." That would pretty much be a dealbreaker for me. (Not her being overweight per se, but her lifestyle) But since you're talking to her for hours on the phone every day, I guess you could meet her as soon as possible to see if you're also attracted to her in person, and then decide what you want to do. It's just one date The contact seems a bit much to me (I wouldn't do it), but if you both enjoy it, it's probably not really a problem. 1
Author 4x4storm Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 "...she keeps dropping hints about how important fat is in a persons lifestyle." So it's almost like a fetish to her? I'm asking because you're making it sound like she's morbidly obese, maybe even by choice because "fat is important to her." That would pretty much be a dealbreaker for me. (Not her being overweight per se, but her lifestyle) But since you're talking to her for hours on the phone every day, I guess you could meet her as soon as possible to see if you're also attracted to her in person, and then decide what you want to do. It's just one date The contact seems a bit much to me (I wouldn't do it), but if you both enjoy it, it's probably not really a problem. To explain it a bit better she's studying Health/Nutrition at university. She started rambling how it's important people need have a little fat on them which is true. I asked her since starting the course has it changed her diet in any way which she replied "No". This also to me kinda sounds like a dealbreaker. But then she dropped that she would eat healthier if she was with someone.
angel.eyes Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) If you have time for daily phone calls and to discuss her dietary habits, then you have time to meet for a date. Why has there been a delay? When are you going to meet exactly? I have to say, it's odd to be discussing dietary habits before you ever meet. I've had countless calls before first dates, and that hasn't been a topic of conversation. Edited June 19, 2016 by angel.eyes 1
Author 4x4storm Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 If you have time for daily phone calls and to discuss her dietary habits, then you have time to meet for a date. Why has there been a delay? When are you going to meet exactly? I have to say, it's odd to be discussing dietary habits before you ever meet. I've had countless calls before first dates, and that hasn't been a topic of conversation. We discussed dietary habits because it's based on what she's studying and because i'm a gym rat we just got talking about it. Also we haven't met because I've been very sick and didn't want to pass on anything to her.
Dis Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 If you have time for daily phone calls and to discuss her dietary habits, then you have time to meet for a date. Why has there been a delay? When are you going to meet exactly? I have to say, it's odd to be discussing dietary habits before you ever meet. I've had countless calls before first dates, and that hasn't been a topic of conversation. I agree with this. You need to stop the over the phone chit chat....these phone convos could end up meaning nothing if you meet her and find her to be physically unattractive. I def wouldnt put off the first date any longer If I were you...I'd suggest something quick...like coffee. That way if theres no attraction you're not stuck at a 2 hour long dinner From the little things she mentioned it sounds like she might be pretty overweight but doesnt have the courage to be honest Another thing that struck me as odd....she said she would eat right if she was with someone??? That should be a choice she makes for herself and no one else....thats alittle bit of a red flag 1
Author 4x4storm Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) I agree with this. You need to stop the over the phone chit chat....these phone convos could end up meaning nothing if you meet her and find her to be physically unattractive. I def wouldnt put off the first date any longer If I were you...I'd suggest something quick...like coffee. That way if theres no attraction you're not stuck at a 2 hour long dinner From the little things she mentioned it sounds like she might be pretty overweight but doesnt have the courage to be honest Another thing that struck me as odd....she said she would eat right if she was with someone??? That should be a choice she makes for herself and no one else....thats alittle bit of a red flag Yeah we are only going for coffee. While it may sound silly i've done OLD for awhile now and from experience I can tell there's something between us. It's all gonna come down to our date later this week i'm expecting the absolute worst tbh. I just wish girls were a little more honest when it came to these things. Edited June 19, 2016 by 4x4storm
Versacehottie Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Yeah we are only going for coffee. While it may sound silly i've done OLD for awhile now and from experience I can tell there's something between us. It's all gonna come down to our date later this week i'm expecting the absolute worst tbh. I just wish girls were a little more honest when it came to these things. Wait, how was she "not honest"? Let's assume she looks like the photos she has up on the site--so she is being honest. A full dig through her FB were you might have gone back to where she was heavier, say a year ago, is not "her being dishonest". Sure, might she gain weight again, sure. Might you lose all your hair, sure. A lot might happen. A lot might be discovered in the course of finding out each other's personalities and quirks, I doubt she would sit around blaming you for not having disclosed it on your profile. Do people lie in all sorts of ways or present themselves in the best light on a profile or initial stages of dating, of course. I'm sure you are doing it too in one way or another. That being said, you both are making a mistake to talk so much and exchange FB and all that beforehand. That's like making an investment in a relationship when you haven't even met. Not doing that would prevent these sort of problems. I'd be more concerned to be honest that she has issues and a chip on her shoulder about food/weight. In your conversations, it's come up too much and in some ways that are actually at odds with how you live your lifestyle (it doesn't matter what she looks like-she could be model thin with food issues, like an eating disorder or stuck on pills to stay thin--if she is hampered by the issues it's a drain on the partner). Needless to say, she's mentioned it enough that it's majorly tied to her confidence and sounds like she has a bit of an issue at least, why would you ignore that if she shows up a suitable weight. Idk, it sounds like you are ignoring the mentality behind whatever her weight issues are and would be satisfied if a girl who is a suitable weight range shows up for you. Don't have blinders on about the entirety of what you hear AND see. If someone says that studying nutrition hasn't really changed her eating habits (and you are into fitness/nutrition a decent amount) AND this one: she would pay more attention to that stuff if she had a guy. Both of those are turn-offs to a healthy relationship or one that would match with your lifestyle. I guess what i'm saying is that if she shows up in a suitable body frame to you but you are ignoring the mentality of disturbing stuff she says in regards to her eating/health, than you are being shallow just the same. You are saying you are into a more healthy lifestyle then don't ignore ALL of the signs that are being put in front of you. I think a lot of people can diet down to put themselves into get a guy mode and then go back up right afterward. Anyway, bottom line, she is not trying to trick you. Anymore than you are possibly tricking yourself. People with all sorts of issues and of all weights deserve to have relationships. If you are ignoring the info right in front of you, that's not her fault, it's yours. You need to do what is best for you to find a good match in looks and lifestyle and values. Pay attention.
Author 4x4storm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) So I listened to people and cut contact down before meeting her we no longer talked over the phone but exchanged a few messages here and there. So we had the date today but how did it go? Well in short very well we got coffee and talked nonstop for a good 2-3 hours about family,friends and what we want it life. So now for the real questions Was she overweight?: Yes Was she bigger then I expected?: Yes but not by much Am I attracted to her? Yes and no really I did not find myself attracted to her physically I was more aroused by how well we were getting along. Call me a jerk all you want but if she lost a easy 20lbs I would be all over her I hinted at her diet a few times throughout the conversation and related it to her course. She pretty much said yes she has changed her diet but not really enough for it to make a difference. After the date I sat in the food court for awhile thinking about where I stand with her. In one mind i'm not attracted to her as I think I should be but in the other she is such a nice person it would be silly for me to throw her away to easily. We talked about it after on the phone and we both decided that we should take it slow and see what happens. Edited June 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
basil67 Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 You hinted at her diet on the first date??!! Please tell me you're joking. As she is willing to see you again, I'm guessing her self esteem is pretty low. 2
Toodaloo Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 You hinted at her diet on the first date??!! Please tell me you're joking. As she is willing to see you again, I'm guessing her self esteem is pretty low. I was thinking exactly the same. And if I were that girl you would NOT be seeing me again... 3
Author 4x4storm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 You hinted at her diet on the first date??!! Please tell me you're joking. As she is willing to see you again, I'm guessing her self esteem is pretty low. Nope not joking like I said call me a jerk all you want but I wanted to understand why she dropped her previous career choice to pursue another.
MidwestUSA Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Nope not joking like I said call me a jerk all you want but I wanted to understand why she dropped her previous career choice to pursue another. What were her career choices and how do they tie in to her diet?
ChocolateRain Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Call me a jerk all you want but if she lost a easy 20lbs I would be all over her I hinted at her diet a few times throughout the conversation http://i.imgur.com/kZsGbOc.gif That is the only comment i have at this moment 2
Author 4x4storm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 What were her career choices and how do they tie in to her diet? She was previously studying to be a doctor but decided she wanted to help people on the nutrition/health side of things so she changed her degree. She went on to tell me how she and has changed and influenced many peoples lives around her by fixing their diet which I thought was pretty cool. I naturally asked when she started learning all this did it change her lifestyle in anyway. Which she replied yes but only never minimal changes after that we just nerded about proteins and carbohydrates.
basil67 Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 I don't understand why you even bothered dating her if 20 extra pounds is so off putting to you. I can see her getting very hurt by you if this continues. 3
Author 4x4storm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 I don't understand why you even bothered dating her if 20 extra pounds is so off putting to you. I can see her getting very hurt by you if this continues. So would you say the 2nd date is pointless for me to make my final decision?
ChocolateRain Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Many Women struggle with weight in today's society , almost every freakin' Magazine reminds us how we have to look and what size we should be ... Maybe she struggles too and if you are put off by 20 pounds than maybe you should make sure you'll find a leaner Woman ...maybe ask your future Dates about Parents Genes before actually Dating ... it gets me a bit upset because so many women struggle to look good and some become seriously ill ... all to just fit into society
Author 4x4storm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) Many Women struggle with weight in today's society , almost every freakin' Magazine reminds us how we have to look and what size we should be ... Maybe she struggles too and if you are put off by 20 pounds than maybe you should make sure you'll find a leaner Woman ...maybe ask your future Dates about Parents Genes before actually Dating ... it gets me a bit upset because so many women struggle to look good and some become seriously ill ... all to just fit into society I understand what your saying and i'm sorry if I offended anyone I didn't mean to. 3 years ago today I only weighed 100lbs I was teased daily by people mostly girls calling me stick man and saying how I would make a unfit boyfriend. I even had morbidly obese women say to me how much healthier they were then me. I have worked my butt of since then to change who I am. So when I first started talking to this girl I was attracted to how determined she was in life I got the feeling she was about to start on the same journey I did. I like this girl a lot but for me to be going to the gym 5 day's a week while she enjoys buffets it would just be a mismatch that is why I want to try find out who she is as a person. If she has no intention on changing her weight you people are right she does deserve someone better then me someone who will respect her for who she is. If I don't feel anything after the second date I will end it there. Edited June 23, 2016 by 4x4storm 1
BaileyB Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 I understand the importance of physical attraction and sharing common interests (ie going to the guys,healthy living that is important to you). But what happens when she has children or gets older. A woman's weight tends to go up and down... You are going to find it difficult and make her miserable if you are having a difficult time accepting her for who she is, as long as it is within reason. If you are talking 20 pounds, I'm thinking she is not morbidly obese. I wonder if you might need to change your thinking just a little. And yes, commenting on her diet on the first date would be very upsetting for many women. 2
ChocolateRain Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 I understand what your saying and i'm sorry if I offended anyone I didn't mean to. 3 years ago today I only weighed 100lbs I was teased daily by people mostly girls calling me stick man and saying how I would make a unfit boyfriend. I even had morbidly obese women say to me how much healthier they were then me. I have worked my butt of since then to change who I am. So when I first started talking to this girl I was attracted to how determined she was in life I got the feeling she was about to start on the same journey I did. I like this girl a lot but for me to be going to the gym 5 day's a week while she enjoys buffets it would just be a mismatch that is why I want to try find out who she is as a person. i went through situations myself and thats why i get a bit edgy on this subject . i was always thin and at some point i was anorexic but not by choice no, i just dealt with very bad life situations . i am 172 cm tall and i weigh about 42 kilos at my worst . i noticed that girls got jealous and i was always told how great i looked ???? i could never understand it ...i struggled with illness . Men told me that i look like a stick figure also and i learned that as Arm Candy that was acceptable but in reality Many men like a bit meat on the woman . Years later i came down with another illness but i gained weight this time . i am now a healthy 70 kilos and i feel great to be honest ... But now i hear '' you look Fat '' ( ????? ) i am glad that at my age (40+) i dont have the need to compete with anyone anymore and what matters is that i feel comfortable with myself . But weight is women's enemy and so many constantly struggle with it and in return that causes depression for many . Even young girls suffer so much ... Sorry english is not my first language hope you understand what i want to say here 1
Author 4x4storm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) I understand the importance of physical attraction and sharing common interests (ie going to the guys,healthy living that is important to you). But what happens when she has children or gets older. A woman's weight tends to go up and down... You are going to find it difficult and make her miserable if you are having a difficult time accepting her for who she is, as long as it is within reason. If you are talking 20 pounds, I'm thinking she is not morbidly obese. I wonder if you might need to change your thinking just a little. And yes, commenting on her diet on the first date would be very upsetting for many women. No she is definitely not morbidly obese if I said she was above that's wrong. But she is overweight and to me that counts as someone who is limited in a physical way she is just sitting on the line though. And yeah I understand people will change with age that's what i'm thinking about with this women. i went through situations myself and thats why i get a bit edgy on this subject . i was always thin and at some point i was anorexic but not by choice no, i just dealt with very bad life situations . i am 172 cm tall and i weigh about 42 kilos at my worst . i noticed that girls got jealous and i was always told how great i looked ???? i could never understand it ...i struggled with illness . Men told me that i look like a stick figure also and i learned that as Arm Candy that was acceptable but in reality Many men like a bit meat on the woman . Years later i came down with another illness but i gained weight this time . i am now a healthy 70 kilos and i feel great to be honest ... But now i hear '' you look Fat '' ( ????? ) i am glad that at my age (40+) i dont have the need to compete with anyone anymore and what matters is that i feel comfortable with myself . But weight is women's enemy and so many constantly struggle with it and in return that causes depression for many . Even young girls suffer so much ... Sorry english is not my first language hope you understand what i want to say here It's good hear you are doing better and yes men do love meat on a woman i'm one of them! My definition of a women's body image goes *Under weight *Skinny *Average *Curvy *Chubby *Overweight *Obese To me this women just sits on being overweight if I ignored those few extra pounds now what might happen in the future if we started a relationship together and she decided it was ok to stack on more weight. Edited June 23, 2016 by 4x4storm
Toodaloo Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 No she is definitely not morbidly obese if I said she was above that's wrong. But she is overweight and to me that counts as someone who is limited in a physical way she is just sitting on the line though. And yeah I understand people will change with age that's what i'm thinking about with this women. It's good hear you are doing better and yes men do love meat on a woman i'm one of them! My definition of a women's body image goes *Under weight *Skinny *Average *Curvy *Chubby *Overweight *Obese To me this women just sits on being overweight if I ignored those few extra pounds now what might happen in the future if we started a relationship together and she decided it was ok to stack on more weight. Or she gets pregnant... After all its pretty fattening growing a baby... You can't hide one of those suckers in a pocket... 1
thelastunicorn Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Do you have a general expectation that women you date feel as strongly about fitness as you do? Odds are working against you A LOT if that's the case. Most women that aren't overweight that you meet probably don't have good exercise or eating habits either. I play tennis and lift weights every week and I probably would still be way more lax than you are.
Author 4x4storm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 (edited) Do you have a general expectation that women you date feel as strongly about fitness as you do? Odds are working against you A LOT if that's the case. Most women that aren't overweight that you meet probably don't have good exercise or eating habits either. I play tennis and lift weights every week and I probably would still be way more lax than you are. No I could care less if a girl was fit or not my ex was chubby and would eat what ever she liked. Edited June 23, 2016 by 4x4storm
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