Olivia89 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I am dating a man who has been separated from his wife for 3 years. They do not live together. They live a few hours away from each other. But they have a son together. He claims that he has tried to divorce her and lost in court. That she refuses to let him go and he spend a ton of money trying to get divorced and the judges laughed in his face... He says that he is moving on with his life and will just wait until she finally meets someone that she wants to marry. Then she will agree to a divorce so she can move on with her life. In the meantime, he is dating me and seems very serious about us. He tells me he loves me and he wants to have a child with me. In fact, he wants me to stop taking my birth control in January of 2017 (only about 6 months away) so we can start trying to have a baby. I would like to be with him and this would all be perfect if he was free to marry me. But the idea of us being together and having a baby without getting married... The idea of him possibly not being able to marry me for 10 or 20 years even... Just doesn't seem right. I have never heard of being forced to stay married. I didn't know someone could refuse to divorce you. So I wonder if I am really getting the whole story here. Does anyone have any experience of knowledge about this? We live in the state of Florida if that makes a legal difference.
carhill Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Easy enough to check with the court to verify his lawsuit and the general parameters for divorce. Around here, no one can stop anyone from divorcing. Make it ugly and expensive, sure. 3
Mr. Lucky Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 He claims that he has tried to divorce her and lost in court. That she refuses to let him go and he spend a ton of money trying to get divorced and the judges laughed in his face... He says that he is moving on with his life and will just wait until she finally meets someone that she wants to marry. Then she will agree to a divorce so she can move on with her life. We live in the state of Florida if that makes a legal difference. Would you like to buy a bridge across some Florida swampland with that claim? Google is your friend... Mr. Lucky 2
angel.eyes Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Sorry, but he's full of Oscar Mayer baloney! No court in Florida is going to force him to stay married if he wants out. It's easy enough to see if he ever filed for divorce. I'm guessing not. Unless you're interested in being permanently linked to a deadbeat cheater by having a child with him, I would move on to a man who isn't married. Does his wife and family know he's dating you? 2
Satu Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 snip *I have never heard of being forced to stay married. I didn't know someone could refuse to divorce you. So I wonder if I am really getting the whole story here. Does anyone have any experience of knowledge about this? We live in the state of Florida if that makes a legal difference. *Neither have I, and it sounds decidedly fishy to me.
angel.eyes Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Would you like to buy a bridge across some Florida swampland with that claim? Google is your friend... Mr. Lucky If she prefers, I have some prime beachfront property for sale in Nebraska that's guaranteed to quadruple in value within six months. 1
Angelica21 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Olivia: The man is lying to you. But that is beside the point. His suggestions and plans for the two of you are ludicrous. With so many un-married men in Florida, why are you even wasting another minute with this man? Break it off, and find a real man, a good man. 1
Satu Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 snip In the meantime, he is dating me and seems very serious about us. *He tells me *he loves me and he wants to have a child with me. In fact, he wants me to stop taking my birth control in January of 2017 (only about 6 months away) so we can start trying to have a baby. I hope he isn't 'future faking' you. Why January 2017? What's special about that date?
Gunny376 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Complete and absolute BULL **** COMING FROM HIM! 1
Author Olivia89 Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 It's easy enough to see if he ever filed for divorce. I'm guessing not. Does his wife and family know he's dating you? I would LOVE to check this out for myself I just don't know how. How do I look up if he has filed for divorce and what the outcome was??? And yes, his wife and family do know about me. He actually has 2 sons and I have met the oldest. He told them about me because he doesn't want her to be surprised when I eventually do get pregnant and he has another child. I guess he is preparing her for what is to come... I don't know.
Angelica21 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Olivia: Ummmm ... you go to your local courthouse, and ask the information desk to explain how to look up divorce cases that were filed. Or ... you go online and Google "How to look up divorce cases in Florida". Olivia, you're not going to stay with this man and have his baby. You're going to break up with him now, and then go create a happy life with a man who is not a wacko scumbag. Right? 3
CarrieT Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 In fact, he wants me to stop taking my birth control in January of 2017 (only about 6 months away) so we can start trying to have a baby. Why would you even consider having a child with someone who is still legally married to another woman? And, yes, for the record, I think he is feeding you a load of manure. Anyone can divorce someone if they really want to. 1
winterpast Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 If he did all the steps required of him to divorce her then no, she cannot force him to stay married to him. In my state you have to complete a parenting case and wait 90 days before you can divorce with children . If he's complated what is required then he should be able to get a judge to grant him a divorce regardless if she wants it or not. I'm thinking he hasn't really tried. But I wouldn't agree to have his baby until he is divorced and remarried to you. Otherwise, you are setting your self up for him to fed you excuse after excuse of why they aren't divorced. If he wants a baby with you bad enough then he will make the divorce happen. 1
Angelica21 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Olivia: I woke up thinking about you and worrying about you. Speaking woman-to-woman: you are thinking about making the biggest mistake of your life, when it's all totally preventable and avoidable Speaking as a mom myself: do not bring an innocent baby into this mess of a situation. You said he has a son with current wife, then you later mentioned he has a second son. Who is the mom of the other son? If he has basically already "abandoned" two children, why would he suddenly turn into SuperDad with your child? It's possible that there is a weird power and control thing going on with him where he feels masculine and powerful by making babies. That's not love. It's possible that you are a normal woman who enjoys the attention from him and the feeling of being special and cherished with him right now, but he'll lose interest and leave you just like he left the other two baby mamas. Tell us more about your story: does he work, what does he do for a living, does he make a lot of money? Do you work, what do you do for a living, do you make a lot of money? Is a fun life style the basis for your current relationship? Is he very handsome and sexy? Are you very pretty and sexy? Is that the basis for your current attraction to each other? Please, Olivia, put yourself first. Hold out to find a better man to have a baby with, not this dude. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) I have never heard of being forced to stay married. I didn't know someone could refuse to divorce you. So I wonder if I am really getting the whole story here. Does anyone have any experience of knowledge about this? We live in the state of Florida if that makes a legal difference. Oh Jesus. This guy is a real piece of work. I wouldn't even get a damned goldfish with a liar like this, much have have a kid with him. You don't need someone's permission to divorce them. You don't need them to agree to it and you don't need them to approve it. Once you've lived apart for 6 months or a year (depending on your state) a divorce is pretty much handed to you if you want it. I'm not sure if Florida is a community property state or not, so the settlement stuff could hold it up. But judges don't 'deny' anyone a divorce or 'laugh' at them in court and refuse to give them a divorce. I repeat - I wouldn't even get a GOLDFISH with a con artist like this. ETA: I'm adding this because I thought of it after I posted. I'm assuming you're very very young. A trick older men often pull is try to get you pregnant ASAP so you're kind of stuck with them. He's a liar and for whatever reason won't get divorced, so he can't offer you marriage. But sticking you with his kid will seal the deal, won't it? Just because you're young and don't have a lot of life experience DOESN'T mean you have to act foolishly because some older guy has the ability to manipulate you. Edited June 19, 2016 by Lois_Griffin 5
PegNosePete Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 I'm not sure how it is in FL but I can tell you how it could happen in the UK. Nobody can force someone to remain married if they fill in the paperwork correctly. If he made a series of mess-ups then it's possible he could've ended up in the situation you describe. One of the grounds for divorce -- the least contentions -- is "2 years separation with consent". If he filed using that ground, his wife may have said she would sign the papers, but then refused to sign when the time came. Then the case would fall apart, since the "with consent" part hinges on her co-operation. If that had happened the only sensible way to fix it would be to wait for the other ground for divorce "5 years separation without consent". It wouldn't be as costly as he claims, since no lawyer would make such a rookie error, he must've been self-representing; and the judge wouldn't laugh at him, more likely the judge would tell him to get a lawyer. If a similar thing is possible in FL then it's theoretically possible he's being truthful... but as the others have said... it's unlikely, and the other things he's saying such as having a kid while married to another women, make me also think he's full of baloney.
bathtub-row Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Either this guy is lying to you, or he has a really bad lawyer. Please do not ever let a man talk you into having a child with him outside of marriage. Let him know that the two of you must be married before you'll consider having a child with him. If that doesn't get the ball rolling on his divorce very quickly, then leave him.
Mr. Lucky Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Anyone can divorce someone if they really want to. Otherwise, we'd replace "you can kiss the bride" with "I sentence you to a lifetime of marriage" :eek: ... Mr. Lucky
Author Olivia89 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 Olivia: You said he has a son with current wife, then you later mentioned he has a second son. Who is the mom of the other son? If he has basically already "abandoned" two children, why would he suddenly turn into SuperDad with your child? It's possible that there is a weird power and control thing going on with him where he feels masculine and powerful by making babies. That's not love. It's possible that you are a normal woman who enjoys the attention from him and the feeling of being special and cherished with him right now, but he'll lose interest and leave you just like he left the other two baby mamas. Tell us more about your story: does he work, what does he do for a living, does he make a lot of money? Do you work, what do you do for a living, do you make a lot of money? Is a fun life style the basis for your current relationship? Is he very handsome and sexy? Are you very pretty and sexy? Is that the basis for your current attraction to each other? Hi Angelica, I'll try to explain in more detail. He has 2 sons by 2 different women. The oldest is 5, the other is 3. Both of the mothers cheated on him so he left them. He is still a very active Dad though and loves his kids so much. He spends time with them, wishes he had more time with them, and is financially supportive. Its interesting that you mention the power and control thing he might get from having babies. Im not sure that is what I would call it but I have never been with a man who wanted a child so bad. Especially since he has 2 already. Sometimes I wonder if he wants the child more then he wants me. I am not a very trusting person so I tend to think the worst. Having said that, I wonder if he would leave me once I had his baby because then he would have gotten what he wanted. I also wonder if he would try to get custody of my child. Which would be the worst thing that could ever happen to have your own child taken away from you, even just some of the time. His baby mamas are rich and they are both doctors so they have more money then him. But he has a lot more money then I do. He was in medical school doing his residency when his wife cheated on him. He kind of lost it when that happened and he dropped out of the residency. He has had other good jobs but right now he works at the same job as me. We work at Citibank doing customer service over the phone. He makes a few dollars more an hour then I do but we have the same job. He also doing personal training as a second job on the side and makes a lot of money from that. He does have a fun lifestyle as he is very social and likes to go out and do things. But he works hard, plays hard. I don't get as much time with him as I would like but I understand because he has a lot of goals he is trying to accomplish. He is just a very busy man. He is very attractive and he works out almost every day. I am attractive but I am not in as good shape as he is. 1
VeveCakes Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Ok well that opens a lot more cans of worms... he probably is fighting for $$$ in the divorce and that's why it's not happening. Are you sure the women cheated? Red flags are popping up all over here...
pteromom Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 No ringy, no baby! And I mean a wedding ring, not an engagement ring! Whether he is telling the truth or not, don't be foolish!
pteromom Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Hi Angelica, I'll try to explain in more detail. He has 2 sons by 2 different women. The oldest is 5, the other is 3. Both of the mothers cheated on him so he left them. Uh-huh. They both cheated? Either he is lying, or he is the kind of husband who inspires his women to cheat by his actions. He is still a very active Dad though and loves his kids so much. He spends time with them, wishes he had more time with them, and is financially supportive. Just remember - as much as it is wonderful that he spends time and money on his existing kids, if you have a baby with him, this time and money will come FROM your child with him. He will be a father split 3 ways. Is that the dad you want for your future child? I have never been with a man who wanted a child so bad. Especially since he has 2 already. Sometimes I wonder if he wants the child more then he wants me. Having a child with someone is a way to tie them to you. He wants to tie you down. I don't get as much time with him as I would like but I understand because he has a lot of goals he is trying to accomplish. He is just a very busy man. So basically if you have his baby, you'll be a single parent. I would think long and hard about this one!
Angelica21 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 (edited) Olivia, Thank you so much for the more detailed explanation about the situation. I'm glad that writing out the story led you to think about and ask yourself these questions: "I wonder if he would leave me once I had his baby because then he would have gotten what he wanted. I also wonder if he would try to get custody of my child. Which would be the worst thing that could ever happen to have your own child taken away from you, even just some of the time." He is too complicated; his life is too complicated. A marriage to him would be so complicated...never enough time to spend with you. Having his baby without any marriage would be even more complicated. Oh, my goodness, I so much want you to end the relationship with him, and find a man who has never been married before, a man who has never had children before!!! Find a man who loves you and only you, who will marry you, and who will continue to love you and only you along with any beautiful babies that you would have together. A wonderful family: one husband/dad, one wife/mom, and only the kids you have together. That is simplicity, that is happiness. Edited June 20, 2016 by Angelica21
CarrieT Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 I'll try to explain in more detail. He has 2 sons by 2 different women. The oldest is 5, the other is 3. Both of the mothers cheated on him so he left them. So he says. The fact that he wants a baby with you and that he already has two which are pretty young should be enough of a red flag to make you run. Seriously. Sometimes I wonder if he wants the child more then he wants me. I am not a very trusting person so I tend to think the worst. Good. Your spidey sense is prickling up and you SHOULD wonder if he wants the baby more than you. I hope - for your sake - that you are on good birth control and that you stay on it. Honestly, I would ask to talk to the BabyMommas to find out their side of the story because: There Is His Truth. and There Is Her Truth. and somewhere in the middle is what actually happened.
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