akhan42 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I started FWB with this girl in Feb last year. During this period, we also hung out, went out for dinner and generally acted coupley. We went on holiday in June and all was going swimmingly along the same lines, hanging out, having fun. After daily contact and weekend dates, she said she was neglected her friends. She initiated a break- said we did not click and could be friends. I was calm and said I did not want to be friends(to sum up) and left her to it. A few days passed and she contacted me. I showed very little interest and kept replies short. She persisted and as a month or so passed I became indifferent to a relationship and was more open to being friends. We met and on the first night she came on strongly as I was dropping her home. Her birthday arrived a few days later and she begged me to come. I reluctantly agreed and from this point onwards we started seeing each other. We dated and went on holiday again, although there were no labels we acted very coupley. I believe her interest was high at this point A few months passed and she told me she loved me. I said I felt the same way. From this point onwards I believe her interest has dropped- this occurred in early April. She has been very non-committal in general, she tells me she does not believe in relationships (despite being in one). Aside from this, she has maintained that she has loved me since this period. At the start of the month, she went on holiday alone. She contacted me frequently but this would often be when she was bored- almost as a filler. She would leave conversations quickly saying I have to go now etc. I told her I was not happy with this. I called her the evening before I had an exam, it was late but I rarely call her. She was very cold and questioned whether I cared. I could not understand where this had come from. This combined with the anxiety from my exam made me text her during the night stating I was sorry and explaining what I meant about the calls etc. I got in contact with her in the morning, due to her cold nature I asked whether she still wanted to be with me. It was at this point that she called a break until she arrives back, weeks from now. This was with no reason nor explanation and was right before my exam. I persisted via text and explained I was sorry and wanted to make things work. Again appearing cold- she said that she could make her own decisions and essentially did not like nor need my input. I dont understand how a person can be sweet and loving one day and overnight become a cold fish. I concede I was needy but I had an exam and she knows I have been going through an intense period. Aside from this day, she does 90pc of the calling and texting so I dont know why she has made such an issue. If I am honest, I was deliberately needy on this day as I was gauging how she would react- ie testing whether she would stand by me. Sorry if this is vague but has anyone had a similar break out of the blue with no explanation?
Giggles666 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 //Sorry if this is vague but has anyone had a similar break out of the blue with no explanation?// Yep, my advice. Go no contact and move on, it's not going to change. Not sound demeaning but it sounds like you two are young, and it sounds like she has no idea what she wants other than drama and the push pull. Best of luck, and sorry to hear.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 It's time to really move on. You two have known each other a while but have never been in an exclusive, committed relationship. It doesn't look like it's going to happen. I am a woman, but I had a similar experience a couple years back. I had a FWB I saw somewhat regularly and had fun with, but as soon as I met my now-boyfriend, I told my FWB I wouldn't be meeting him anymore. I was honest that I had met someone, but the FWB and I had never wanted a relationship anyway so he wished me well and that was that. I haven't seen or spoken to him since. That could be what's happening here. She's keeping you away for a reason and it could be because she is seeing someone. You will probably question why, if that's indeed the case, she doesn't just come out and tell you. She might be wanting to keep you around in case it doesn't work out. Even if she hasn't met someone else, she has told you in so many ways that she's not going to be in a relationship with you. For your own well-being, you need to detach and move on. 2
Author akhan42 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 Thanks guys. Sorry to clarify, we moved onto a committed relationship around January. She tells me she wants to talk after this break ie after her holiday a month from now. Any advice on how I should handle the meeting? I have an inkling she will want to continue the relationship from her past behaviour. Should I tell her she has been disrespectful or just avoid giving her the time of day and move on as her actions show she is unlikely to change despite words.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Thanks guys. Sorry to clarify, we moved onto a committed relationship around January. She tells me she wants to talk after this break ie after her holiday a month from now. Any advice on how I should handle the meeting? I have an inkling she will want to continue the relationship from her past behaviour. Should I tell her she has been disrespectful or just avoid giving her the time of day and move on as her actions show she is unlikely to change despite words. Bingo. It's already dead. 1
bummer Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) I dont understand how a person can be sweet and loving one day and overnight become a cold fish... Sorry if this is vague but has anyone had a similar break out of the blue with no explanation? sorry dude. In this case the break you are on is code for soft break-up. Even if she wants to try again, her lack of consistent commitment isn't worth you losing your sanity is it? In reality, it wasn't out of the blue. She has been considering other options his entire time and her confusion and back and forth is confusing you. Make it easy on you and her, move on. If you drag it out you'll waste both of your time. If it were me, i would meet, be friendly, but keep it short. Under 10 minutes otherwise the core message will be lost. Tell her she hasn't been respectful or honest with herself or towards you. For both of your sakes you are respecting her decision to end it. Stand up, walk away. Go NC. no sex with her. Don't answer her crumbs. Maybe in a few years she'll be an adult and still want to contact you. Otherwise you'll forget all this and laugh at the fun of your youth. Edited June 19, 2016 by bummer
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