I want to be with her but it's complicated and my family don't like her. What should

[stillafool]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another problem that has arisen is she is on about moving stuff like a fridge, cooker, table and bed etc all whilst he is still there. I can't believe that she expects to be able to move all this stuff out without any resistance or obstructiveness from him. I have said that it is best to get advice from the experts as they may have an idea of how she can get this stuff out safely. I have also said to her that ideally him and his family need to be away for a day or two to allow for the flat to be cleared and the removal truck to get to the new flat without being followed but as he doesn't work he is always at the flat. I really have no idea how she can get the stuff out safely.

 

Any thoughts or suggestions?

 

You are absolutely correct that her man is not going to just let her walk out the door with his son, fridge, cooker, table, bed and just say "okay have a great life." He will more than likely get violent with her. Losers don't take it well when their women leave them. You are right to protect yourself because he will view you as the one who took his family away. Why hasn't she told him that she is leaving?

Edited June 30, 2016 by stillafool

[Calmandfocused]

Op, I have another question of something you said that I can't quite shake:

 

If she's asleep all day, what's the child doing? Having a 5 year old myself I can't quite fathom this.

 

Others have said pretty much the same but it seems very much like your being lied to. Told what you want to hear. Don't they call this future faking? Have you actually seen any evidence that she's leaving him? If not, you have your answer.

 

Remember: If it doesn't make sense it's not true.

[rh205]

My view is that she needs to leave him for the sake of her child and then spend time alone in order to heal and to give him time to accept that it is over before she starts dating again.

[rh205]

It would be interesting to hear what her reasons for not leaving are as she clearly knows what is happening and can see what effect it is having on her and her son.

[UnbreakMyHeart]

I must admit I'm beginning to think that too. I mean surely she would be moving heaven and earth to escape from this man to protect her child. The help is out there she just has to go find it. I did tell her a few weeks ago that by staying social services may see her as an accessory to child abuse by staying over her sister's house whilst knowing what is happening back home and therefore treat her as guilty as him.

 

As for the housing benefit over payment I can't believe that they aren't going to citizens advice to get information about appealing it. After all how many people on here would willingly pay out £1000+ without questioning it.

 

I just want her to go and get help for the sake of her child and if she refuses then that's it I will call social services.

 

And you. YOU are just as guilty. Do you not feel like you have a moral responsibility to give Social Services a call?

[rh205]

And you. YOU are just as guilty. Do you not feel like you have a moral responsibility to give Social Services a call?

 

Yes I do feel that it's my moral duty to call social services as there is clearly something wrong if he is still incontinent and is running and hiding under tables the second he detects a change in atmosphere. The child is starting primary school in September so if he is incontinent there then questions will be asked by his teachers and I highly suspect that because they will be well trained in the signs and symptoms of child abuse they will contact social services. I can't begin to imagine what sort of live he is going to have if he is still having to use nappies at school. I mean I would imagine he could be severely bullied for it. I feel it's my moral duty as this child is not having the life he deserves and if not action is taken then I suspect he is going to have a pretty crap childhood.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes I do feel that it's my moral duty to call social services as there is clearly something wrong if he is still incontinent and is running and hiding under tables the second he detects a change in atmosphere. The child is starting primary school in September so if he is incontinent there then questions will be asked by his teachers and I highly suspect that because they will be well trained in the signs and symptoms of child abuse they will contact social services. I can't begin to imagine what sort of live he is going to have if he is still having to use nappies at school. I mean I would imagine he could be severely bullied for it. I feel it's my moral duty as this child is not having the life he deserves and if not action is taken then I suspect he is going to have a pretty crap childhood.

 

OP, to be blunt..

 

You feel a lot of things, but you don't actually do anything.

 

This woman is never going to be yours.

 

Do the right thing and report what's happening.

[rh205]

This woman is never going to be yours.

 

That is a pretty bold statement. Is there any way I will be with her?

[ExpatInItaly]

That is a pretty bold statement. Is there any way I will be with her?

 

Why in heaven's name would you want a woman like her?

 

Surely you must have better options.

[Calmandfocused]

I really can't believe this.

 

You have 2 choices:

 

1) you stay with this woman, her child continues to be abused, the child is removed from her care, and she, the father (and you probably) will rot in jail. But hey, it's worth it just to be with her right?

 

2) you do the right thing, protect this child, lose your relationship but you will live free of guilt knowing you've done the right thing. Knowing that the child is safe and has a chance in life.

 

What's it to be?

Edited July 4, 2016 by Calmandfocused
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