rdusmc86 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Okay so a woman I started dating recently (since early April) made our relationship official May 28th. A few days ago (June 10th) she tells me she doesn't feel the same as I do. She said she's confused, wants to work on herself (body, mind, etc.), but that I'm everything she could want in a man. She said I did everything right and that nothing was wrong with me. She's blunt and honest with me all the time. She let me meet both sides of her family, her daughter, and she even met my son. Her family even said it was out of character for her to bring someone around for them to meet. On top of that, she told about her discussing her feelings for me with close family and friends. They called her dumb for not wanting me LOL. I like her a lot and we have plenty in common. Even though we didn't end badly, I think she needs space because of how fast things moved with us. Maybe it is overwhelming for her? The situation doesn't look entirely bleak from a secret conversation I had with her sister. The sis said I should just give her time. I don't want to but I think it's good advice. I'm always open to any and all advice given. 1
Satu Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 It probably all happened a bit too fast for her, and that triggered some anxiety. Let it be for the moment. Take care. 2
Author rdusmc86 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 Thanks. How's the alien hive on LV? Lol
Satu Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Thanks. How's the alien hive on LV? Lol Nice, but the weather is terrible
Satu Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Give it some time, and see if anything has changed with your ex in a few weeks. In the meantime, spend your time on friends and fun stuff.
Author rdusmc86 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 Update: (June 12th) She has some running shoes at my place which she originally wanted me to mail to her across town. Now she wants me to bring them over personally. Women are confusing. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Update: (June 12th) She has some running shoes at my place which she originally wanted me to mail to her across town. Now she wants me to bring them over personally. Women are confusing. Mail them to her anyway. Explain that since she wanted to break up, it's not wise to see each other right now. Now is the time to be firm on your boundaries. If she wants to talk about reconciliation, she needs to be clear and direct. Be careful or you could wind up in a frustrating and painful push-pull cycle.
Author rdusmc86 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 My ex, whom I dated a few months and have been broken up with for a week, wants to cuddle tonight AND have me stay over! I'm trying not to get my hopes up about the situation but it's hard not to. Yesterday, she says that snuggling with me, "sounds nice right now." We texted about it a bit (among other insignificant things) while I was working. She fell asleep (I work 2nd shift) but this morning she said she's going to leave a key under her doormat tonight in case she falls asleep. She still trusts me enough to come when she's sleeping and has wanted to cuddle the last few days. I've been keeping low-contact basically, waiting at least 10 minutes between text, since our breakup. She gets a little irritated when it seems like I'm being too short with her...since the breakup. I've been maintaining a friendly demeanor without seeming needy/desperate and she's the one who brought up the snuggling subject. I'm trying to figure out what all this means. Maybe I should wait until it actually happens and see her reaction in the days following. I don't want to be strung along but I miss her and want to spend time with her. I haven't seen her in over two weeks. Thanks in advance!
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Why did you break up? And how old are you both? I ask because a desire to "snuggle" or "cuddle" sounds a little...juvenile. It seems as though she did the breaking-up; is that correct? If so, don't indulge her request. She doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too. If she wants you back, she needs to say as much. Otherwise, you will get hurt when she continues to invite you in and then reminds you that you are not her boyfriend. You need to draw some boundaries. Treat this like a breakup. Waiting 10 minutes to reply to her text isn't low contact. 10 minutes is nothing. Who cares if she gets upset if you are short with her? The relationship is over. Let her get upset. What did she expect was going to happen?
Itspointless Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 She breaks up as she is confused and now she wants to cuddle, because she misses a warm body. You are better than a convenient body, as that is all it means.
Author rdusmc86 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 We broke up because she felt like everything moved too fast. I am 30 and she is 27, not kids by any means. Should I just ask why she wants me to come over?
Itspointless Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 We broke up because she felt like everything moved too fast. I am 30 and she is 27, not kids by any means. Should I just ask why she wants me to come over? If you want more with her than this, no. 1
angel.eyes Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I don't want to be strung along but I miss her and want to spend time with her. I haven't seen her in over two weeks. Thanks in advance! Maintaining contact and texting her while you work is stringing yourself along! You are responsible for your confusion! She isn't confused. If she wanted you to be her boyfriend, she would not have broken up with you. Yet she did! What does that say? If she wants to cuddle, she can cuddle with her teddy bears! Have some self-respect and don't jump to do her bidding whenever she requests it. If you want to be in a healthy, happy relationship, you need to move past this breakup and heal. Maintaining "low"contact is not doing that. It's holding you back and will ultimately make the breakup more painful. If she still wanted you as a boyfriend, you wouldn't have been dumped. She booted you out of the relationship. Now she's suggesting you let her use you whenever she's lonely...until she finds a new guy who can be her boyfriend. Surely you deserve better than to be demoted to Mr. Temporary Transitional Guy. Block her and go completely NC! 1
Natalie92 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Update:Women are confusing. Men are confusing too!! Hahah! 1
Giggles666 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I agree if you are a man, women are confusing. I was in your boat recently with someone I had a long history with, we were friends for almost 20 years. Then we dated, it was intense and fast and ended in a trainwreck with no closure or talking. Friendships can come and go I suppose and be ruined in weeks when feelings come into the picture. I wish I knew about what to do when she told me she was overwhelmed, as it turned out I asked her what the problem was and it did not end well at all. No longer friends. I was in one of those quick intense relationships where I was told "she had feelings but panicked" yet acted as if my feelings were of no concern. I couldn't ask questions, and I did. I learned from this...little too late, but learned for the next time. I would take the advice of backing off, and even moving on. If she likes you she can come to you. As for the cuddling, don't do it as it will make things more complicated in my experience. Also, mail the shoes back, or drop them off when she is not home. I also would not take what her sister says too seriously when others speak for someone they can often times worry about hurt feelings and are not emotionally vested. Good luck, and ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship that moved this fast and died down this fast and if it will be a reoccurring thing. People do get anxiety, and it can overwhelm them, but sometimes it's best to realize it's going to be something that will always be in the back of your mind. I would proceed with cool calm caution.
Author rdusmc86 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 I'll definitely keep my distance and see what happens. Do some casual dating and see what else is out there. I haven't asked her any intentions she has because ignorance is bliss. I've taken to deactivating Facebook several days ago and now I'll go to the next level by breaking contact. I ended up brining the shoes when she wasn't home. Thanks for the advice!
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