Confused005 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Hi all! I thought I'd come here fro advice seeing as you are all great. My ex girlfriend and I broke up (she was the dumper), and after everything we have been through it is impossible for me to hate the girl, there is no negativity towards her, and I assume there is none towards me as none of us have done anything to truly hate each other. On her birthday I will have been in NC for 3 months, although she has texted me a few times regarding my health and a few other personal things, as I have no family around to help and her family were pretty much my second family. I'd like to wish her a happy birthday and nothing else, no intentions. Just a kind gesture and that I obviously haven't forgot it's her birthday. She lives literally about 10 minutes from me, and I was thinking of either sending or just popping a card into her letterbox and thats it. Just a card that Says..Happy Birthday. She is quite a stubborn girl but really is sweet. The only thing that is making me have thoughts about doing it is I don't want her to think I am trying to reach out to her. I don't expect a reply, and I'd rather send a card then a text so I wont be waiting on a text reply. I'll be honest and tell you all that I do miss her, alot. And I do still have feelings for her. But I just want to give a kind gesture. Good karma for me I guess. As I said before I don't expect anything from sending a card. One day I hope we can talk, but for now I'll leave that up to her. I don't know, maybe im looking into this to much. Any advice or stories? Thanks guys.
Marc878 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 She dumped you. You really need to move on. Go completely dark, block everything. Get on with your life. Nothing you can do here. 1
Author Confused005 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 I know she dumped me. But it was for the right reasons. We pretty much agreed on it being for the best, FOR NOW. It was very amicable. I know we can't be together as lovers for the time being, but I don't want to lose her completely. Is saying "Happy Birthday" really that bad?
sooshi Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 In your case, where you don't have expectations, I think it's perfectly fine to wish her a happy birthday.
Author Confused005 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 Yeah, I guess it is really just hitting me that it is over. Truly miss that girl, but I don't expect anything from it. Just thought I'd wish her a happy birthday and go on with my day. Is a card to much?
gaig Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Think about that.. Why do something special? Just be one of the crowd. If most people wish her through her fb, just do the same. If she just responds to you the same way to everybody and that devastates you, then you are definitely not over her, so DONT send anything. 1
LD1990 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I know she dumped me. But it was for the right reasons. We pretty much agreed on it being for the best, FOR NOW. It was very amicable. Here's the problem - you still see this breakup as "for now." Your ex doesn't. She may have given you false hope with some nonsense about how someday, in the future, when the stars align, perhaps you two could reconnect. If she wanted to be with you in the future, she'd be with you right now. She dumped you twice, you have to accept that this is really over. I know we can't be together as lovers for the time being, but I don't want to lose her completely. Is saying "Happy Birthday" really that bad? Yes. Being in contact with an ex holds you back from healing, hence why NC is such a common recommendation. You're looking for an excuse to get in touch, because like you said, you don't want to lose her completely. So once you break NC to say "happy birthday," you're going to find other excuses to break NC. You said a couple days ago you haven't contacted her in 2 1/2 weeks. Now you're planning how to wish her a happy birthday, which I assume is over 2 months away, based on the info you've provided (you say you'll have been NC for 3 months at that point). You should focus on moving on instead of figuring out how to stay in contact with your ex. 2
angel.eyes Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 It's nice that the breakup was amicable. Nevertheless, at the end of the day she still dumped you. Stay completely NC. She'll manage without your birthday wishes. 3
Giggles666 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I agree with angel eyes above. Good luck, and move on the sooner the better.
whatnot Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Look at your screen name. This is what happens when we want to believe something that isn't true. 1
Steven1 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 It's my ex's birthday tomorrow. I sent her a text saying happy birthday and have a good day and that's it. Wouldn't be sending her a card or a gift, not to an ex. Nothing wrong with a happy birthday text if you are on speaking terms and have both moved on, but not a gift.
Author Confused005 Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 I know the relationship is over, I don't have any hope really. I wouldn't send a gift, just a traditional birthday card that simple says happy birthday. Is that to much?
Elliejayde Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I was in your EXACT position! I'd bought him a present months before his Birthday and decided that since we were 'just friends', it wouldn't hurt to send a card with the present (a Starbucks travel cup and a packet of his favourite sweets, nothing romantic in it!) I'd just drop it off at his house, we're friends right, just what I'd do for any of my other friends. I text him to say I'd drop it off, and surprise surprise, he text back saying 'let yourself in, have a drink with me!' We're friends, that's ok! I did just that. Nice chat, which lead to a cuddle, which lead to us hooking up. I knew it was coming when he sent the text telling me to let myself in. Except, it was awful. No affection, and it hit me like a sledgehammer that we were done. I went home that night and literally sobbed solidly for a good 3 days. I've been NC for a week, it's awful. Before then I had the hope it would all be good, we'd broken up on good terms, we spoke every day after. Honestly, I promise, it's not worth it. I'd been planning for months how it would go, he'd see the cup and the sweets, realise I knew him better than anyone, declare he'd made a huge mistake and everything would be sunshine and roses. Nope. I left literally broken hearted. 8 years and it took that for me to realise it was over & he'd been replying to my texts to be polite, rather than wanting to speak to me. I despise myself for doing it, for being weak. When people say go NC it's for YOU, to make YOU better.
sooshi Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I'd forgotten that you wanted to send a card, not just a happy birthday greeting. No, I wouldn't send a card.
Blanco Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I know the relationship is over, I don't have any hope really. I wouldn't send a gift, just a traditional birthday card that simple says happy birthday. Is that to much? Yes. She's not your girlfriend anymore. And you'd better get accustomed to this: She's not going to be your girlfriend again. Her birthday is just another day to you, starting now. 4
Steven1 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Yes. She's not your girlfriend anymore. And you'd better get accustomed to this: She's not going to be your girlfriend again. Her birthday is just another day to you, starting now. This. I was like this not long after my break up with my ex. As I said before, her birthday is tomorrow and I just sent a text saying happy birthday, didn't expect a reply and as of yet haven't got one, but it was just nice manors on my behalf as I would say happy birthday to any one. I think that there's still some part of you that is hoping that the gesture of a card etc will be the start of something maybe happening again and you could be setting yourself up for more hurt. My own personal advice would be if you feel you have to say happy birthday, then just send it as a text with no expectations of a reply.
Blanco Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Yes, but the very fact he feels it necessary to even ask shows that this means way more to him than if you were just wishing happy birthday to an old friend who maybe you've lost touch with. Whether OP wants to admit it or not, he will feel at least a tinge of disappointment if his birthday wishes are met by silence or polite indifference. 1
Steven1 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Yes, but the very fact he feels it necessary to even ask shows that this means way more to him than if you were just wishing happy birthday to an old friend who maybe you've lost touch with. Whether OP wants to admit it or not, he will feel at least a tinge of disappointment if his birthday wishes are met by silence or polite indifference. I think sometimes it can help to do it to get it out of your system to be honest. Sometimes we have to be hit with the final bit of disappointment from something so simple in order to get that closure.
Elliejayde Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 I think sometimes it can help to do it to get it out of your system to be honest. Sometimes we have to be hit with the final bit of disappointment from something so simple in order to get that closure. THIS!!! I left my ex on his Birthday KNOWING it was done. No doubts in my mind that neither of us were ever going back. God it hurts, it hurts more than anything ever has, but I know in the long run its better for me. 1
Author Confused005 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 I think some of you may be getting the wrong idea, I understand that it may seem like I have intentions. But I can't completely ignore that this girl has been a huge part of my life and helped me through the lowest point of my life, and her family has been so supportive of me as I don't have any family around. To put it simply, is saying happy birthday to much?
Blanco Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Is saying "Happy Birthday" really that bad? I wouldn't send a gift, just a traditional birthday card that simple says happy birthday. Is that to much? To put it simply, is saying happy birthday to much? Sure. It's a great idea. There, you got the answer you've been looking for. 1
ChickiePops Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 I think some of you may be getting the wrong idea, I understand that it may seem like I have intentions. But I can't completely ignore that this girl has been a huge part of my life and helped me through the lowest point of my life, and her family has been so supportive of me as I don't have any family around. To put it simply, is saying happy birthday to much? If she a) responds with a nasty message, b) tells you she has a new boyfriend, c) drops some breadcrumbs but then breaks your heart again, or d) doesn't respond at all..will you be completely fine? Will you be able to laugh it off? If so, then sure, send it. If any of the above would bother you in any way at all, then it would be a terrible terrible idea to send anything at all.
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