Tips on changing his mind

[tolve]

I was totally confused if this guy I'm friends with liked me. He was definitely 'interested' in me and my life but I just couldn't figure if it was romantic or just as friends. I finally bit the bullet and called him and told him how I felt. He was pretty defensive, I guess guys don't like being confronted with a hard truth like that, but basically after a bit of back and forth of 'oh i just don't know' he decided he liked me as a friend. I know he is not seeing anyone but I got a hunch he's got some other girl in his mind, maybe chasing. I know what you all are going to say, that I should let it go and I tried I really did. But I really like this guy and I've made the decision to just try to change his mind. I know the chances that this could work are minimum and I'm totally checking out online dating and stuff but I just need to see to this guy as well. I am giving myself a timeframe so I'm not hung up on him forever, and who knows I may meet someone else but I need to go for it for me. Problem is I've never done this before. At the moment I have told him I need time and we are not really talking. He did try to initiate and asked me to accompany him to his pop's cabin for the weekend but I declined as I did not want to look like the desperate gal who he turned down but who weeks later is running off to his cabin with him How do I try to win him over without looking desperate? Please no comments on trying to talk me out of this, I totally get that the smartest move it to walk away but if I do walk away without trying I KNOW I will forever regret it. I just need tips on winning a guy over in a cool classy way.

[Sunnymae]

If it were me, I would've gone to the cabin. It sounds like a good time! Nice romantic, relaxing getaway. His actions say that there's definitely some interest or he wouldn't be asking you, he'd be asking some other girl.

[tolve]

Yeah, I am kind of regretting not going to the cabin but the deal is I've decided I'm not going to have sex with him (if we ever get that far) unless we have talked about entering into a relationship. I like him so much already, if I sleep with him the heartbreak over the fallout would be so much worse.

[gkly]

I can't really read deeply into it since there's not much info about you and his dating patterns/history. Has he asked you out on a date? Kissed you?

 

Anyway, I would stick to your choice, keeping distance and not initiating contact. And let the time pass while meeting other people. I had guys wanting to come back after not contacting them. Also mirroring their behavior worked.

[Versacehottie]

Please no comments on trying to talk me out of this, I totally get that the smartest move it to walk away but if I do walk away without trying I KNOW I will forever regret it. I just need tips on winning a guy over in a cool classy way.

 

You walk away to win this guy. That's the only way to do it and it is precisely because it looks like you are handling his decision with a cool head and with dignity-as if you know you will be fine. It's the space he will need to miss you and perhaps regret his decision.

 

If you "try" to win him over in the way i think you mean it, you are going to turn him off by trying too hard and being desperate. He needs to believe you are moving on and that he will miss his chance with you and another guy will scoop you up. How do you do that? BY MOVING ON. It looks the same no matter what your underlying intention is. Also you cover your risk by at same time living your life and meeting other guys. You can have this guy at the back of your mind and if he brings it, consider it. You should not flaunt that you are dating other people or try to make him jealous--they can see right through that. You pull all the way back. It's a mystery what you are doing. You are indifferent but nice enough if you see, talk or run into him. He's a non-factor-you give him no good nor no bad attention. Any good attention he gets needs to really be earned. I can't stress that enough because I'm worried you won't get it. LIKE REALLY EARNED.

 

There is nothing 'pro-active' you can do with him. There is lots pro-active you can do by turning the attention onto your own life, your own dating life. Then let him marinate on that. There is no guarantee but this is best course of action. Going toward him is NOT--that's almost a surefire way to lose him for good.

[tolve]

Thank for the tips. So a quick history. We're good friends, I always thought he maybe liked me as I kinda always listened to my brothers who keep telling me 'no guy pursues a woman for friendship'. We really get on, we can have friend dates that last hours just talking over dinner and then coffee. We talk about everything. The chemistry has happened for me recently before that there was none as far as I was concerned. And no he has never explicitly expressed romantic interest in me but I always thought he looked a bit panicked when I'd say stuff like 'Oh this dude at work keeps dropping by and asking me to go out with his team.' He would go silent and not take that conversation further. I did kinda expect him to at least say 'oh ok maybe we should give it a try' I was pretty surprised when he turned me down after a couple of days of ''oh I just don't know". For a while I just thought sc**w it he doesn't care for me in that way but I just can't let it go I like him so much so even if I don't get him to change his mind I can rest easy knowing I did what I could.

 

I get that I have to act dignified and at least pretend that I'm walking away but I still feel I need to do something a little bit more active. We never just run into each other, we have to schedule time to meet. I've decided I'm going to avoid that for a couple of months, but how about casual phone conversations? Just like 'checking how you're doing?' kind of things. I have a feeling he's chasing some other girl and I know I should let it go and walk away but I'm not willing to do that. I don't want him to focus on this other girl, I want to be this thing niggling in his mind. So kind of like he is in touch with me and kind of suspects I may be dating other people but just isn't sure.

[Versacehottie]

Thank for the tips. So a quick history. We're good friends, I always thought he maybe liked me as I kinda always listened to my brothers who keep telling me 'no guy pursues a woman for friendship'. We really get on, we can have friend dates that last hours just talking over dinner and then coffee. We talk about everything. The chemistry has happened for me recently before that there was none as far as I was concerned. And no he has never explicitly expressed romantic interest in me but I always thought he looked a bit panicked when I'd say stuff like 'Oh this dude at work keeps dropping by and asking me to go out with his team.' He would go silent and not take that conversation further. I did kinda expect him to at least say 'oh ok maybe we should give it a try' I was pretty surprised when he turned me down after a couple of days of ''oh I just don't know". For a while I just thought sc**w it he doesn't care for me in that way but I just can't let it go I like him so much so even if I don't get him to change his mind I can rest easy knowing I did what I could.

 

I get that I have to act dignified and at least pretend that I'm walking away but I still feel I need to do something a little bit more active. We never just run into each other, we have to schedule time to meet. I've decided I'm going to avoid that for a couple of months, but how about casual phone conversations? Just like 'checking how you're doing?' kind of things. I have a feeling he's chasing some other girl and I know I should let it go and walk away but I'm not willing to do that. I don't want him to focus on this other girl, I want to be this thing niggling in his mind. So kind of like he is in touch with me and kind of suspects I may be dating other people but just isn't sure.

 

NO! Im sorry that is not dignified--it's desperate looking. Staying in touch to see how he is casually is totally transparent. It's basically like saying: "did you make up your mind yet, are you into me now??? Please please" UGH, do not do that.

 

And if your feeling is that he is not into you because he is into someone else that currently makes you second choice. That is worst time to chase him and you'd be fooling no one with the phone calls that that wasn't your intention. You know what he'd be thinking if you were chasing him at the time when he'd rather be with someone else: "ugh, I want this one girl, but instead I get this clinger!" Neutral or even decently good feelings can change to that when the person has their eyes on someone else but the one they don't want is throwing themselves at you. If he is dating other people, so? Let it play out and fade out. If it doesn't there is nothing you can do in your current situation that will turn that tide.

 

Here's a generalization but I think it applies in your situation: guys don't need that constant contact to start thinking or missing you. They need to miss you!! The phone calls or bumping into him will just remind him that you are "right there" and there will be no need to move things forward. Just like you are worrying about whatever else he has going is EXACTLY what you need him to be worrying about in regards to you. If he did it genuinely about the work guys, he is bound to do it again if he is single and has feelings for you. Ok, I have a feeling you are not going to listen to this and blow it but good luck