Is he not interested?

June 18, 2016

I really like him. We hit off well in the beginning. He took me out on a date and we remained touch as we would meet up whenever the two of us went out. I met his friends and he met mine. He was open to have me and my friends come over to hang with his. We had really personal conversations as we were trying to get to know each other. He was affectionate with me in front of his friends and they were happy about it. The way he acted towards me overall made me certain that he had something more serious in mind which scared me off and I came off as just being interested in sex. He was telling me how he has a lot to teach me about life and asked if he meant in sex and he said no, not that way.

I kept myself very private and would text him on the evenings to come over, even though I had feelings and realized I wanted more. Stupid I know!

I just stopped being turned on so out sex didn't work out. I turned shy as I got feelings so the "spark" was kind of fading as I barley talk. I couldn't look him in the eyes during sex as he wants me to. I stopped kissing him because suddenly it means something to me. Suddenly I find myself having to text him first. It didn't bother me because I always gets a positive response from him, he replies right away, he use emoticons in every sentence and is happy to talk to me. HE suggest to meet up. So he is interested?

I told my friend who has met him and she said it's obvious that he likes me in person and I get that feeling too.. Then how come he doesn't intiate?! Or text first? At least not anymore. He acts so interested in person! Also last time I met him, he was really happy to have me comber over but I was really drunk and rude. He got annoyed with me and I didn't understand why, then he pushed me off him during sex saying I'm not into it all. It really put me off. I'm just looking for a final advice because I'm starting to wonder if he's actually not interested. I'm thinking about dropping him but I would like to know for sure before doing so.

Edited June 18, 2016 by clairehunti

June 18, 2016

It sounds like he doesn't like texting, but from what you said enjoys being with you except if you're drunk. Probably pushed you off b/c he felt you were anibriated and unable to have consensual sex. I respect him for that. I'm of the mindset that if you're impaired you shouldn't have sex. Try coming on to him when you both are sober, and if he still pushes you away, then I would worry. Otherwise he's a keeper!

Edited June 18, 2016 by Sunnymae

June 18, 2016

It sounds like he doesn't like texting, but from what you said enjoys being with you except if you're drunk. Probably pushed you off b/c he felt you were anibriated and unable to have consensual sex. I respect him for that. I'm of the mindset that if you're impaired you shouldn't have sex. Try coming on to him when you both are sober, and if he still pushes you away, then I would worry. Otherwise he's a keeper!

I know he is a keeper but he doesn't text first! Maybe he doesn't like texting like you said but I'm starting to take it as a sign that he's not interested in me which is weird because he seems super interested in person. Like I'm not suppose to chase him.. And when he pushed me off, I didn't find it respectful because he for some reason got mad at me and suddenly I'm on my back in bed.

I am confused here.

June 18, 2016

He may like you but when he pictures you drunk it's a turn off and maybe he's deciding if he wants to get involved with you or not.

June 18, 2016

I'm confused....what do you expect?

You stopped getting turned on sexually, you stopped looking into his eyes during sex, you stopped wanting to kiss him, you stopped talking, what the hell?

Of course he stopped initiating, your actions are telling him you don't give a crap....

Do you? If you do you sure are not acting like it.

Any man would stop initiating if a woman behaved the way you are.

What's going on with you anyway? You said you started to develop feelings....so you stop enjoying sex, stop talking and stop kissing him?

What am I missing?

June 18, 2016

I was starting to wonder if YOU were interested in him.....you keep private, you can't look into his eyes, you stop getting turned on, you got drunk and rude......it's no wonder HE'S getting put off.

Sorry but you are messed up or something. There is nothing wrong with him, he was being someone who was totally on board with being serious with you....now he has changed because he is reacting to your bizarre behavior....I'm surprised he hasn't dumped you by now.

June 18, 2016

I was starting to wonder if YOU were interested in him.....you keep private, you can't look into his eyes, you stop getting turned on, you got drunk and rude......it's no wonder HE'S getting put off.

Sorry but you are messed up or something. There is nothing wrong with him, he was being someone who was totally on board with being serious with you....now he has changed because he is reacting to your bizarre behavior....I'm surprised he hasn't dumped you by now.

I'm not messed up. I didn't mind looking into his eyes or kissing him from the start but now that I developed feelings for him it feels more intimate and I get shy. Especially when I have no clue what's going on between us. You don't have to be so rude, I understand now that he may felt put off but I don't behave bizarre.

June 18, 2016

I have people agreeing with me here. You do. And it's confusing the crap out of the poor guy. You have Aspberger's ? Because you are missing a lot of his social cues. We all can see he is interested, but you can't?

You want this to clear up??? just tell him you have become real shy because you are starting to catch feelings. This will help him make sense of your behavior.

June 18, 2016

I'm not messed up. I didn't mind looking into his eyes or kissing him from the start but now that I developed feelings for him it feels more intimate and I get shy. Especially when I have no clue what's going on between us. You don't have to be so rude, I understand now that he may felt put off but I don't behave bizarre.

Trying putting yourself in HIS shoes though.

What would you think if a guy suddenly stopped getting turned on having sex with you, stopped talking to you, stopped wanting to kiss you or looking into your eyes?

Would your first thought be, "he must be developing feelings, he must be shy"?

I doubt it!

You would be thinking this guy isn't into me anymore, right?

Try looking at it from his perspective.....

June 18, 2016

I have people agreeing with me here. You do. And it's confusing the crap out of the poor guy. You have Aspberger's ? Because you are missing a lot of his social cues. We all can see he is interested, but you can't?

You want this to clear up??? just tell him you have become real shy because you are starting to catch feelings. This will help him make sense of your behavior.

No I do not have aspbergers. When did I ever say that he's not interested? I was wondering if he has LOST interest because he doesn't initiate, that's basically the title of this question. Now I see that it MIGHT be because I've been "distant" because I get shy when I develop feelings. That does not make me messed up. Just because I don't look him in the eyes during sex because I'm too shy and can't kiss him because it suddenly means something to me, while it may not mean anything to him, does not mean that I am messed up. I keep my heart guarded. If I knew for sure where I had him I wouldn't mind being that intimate.

Yes I want to clear this up and I am going to talk to him.

June 18, 2016

Maybe wait to have sex until you can feel comfortable. You are giving major mixed signals whether you want to or not.

June 18, 2016

You are not being consistent with your behaviour or intentions. You like him but as soon as you realize you have feelings, you gave every indication that you didn't want to take it further.

What exactly did you expect him to do?

He's backing off because you pushed him away. He's mirroring your distancing behaviour. I'm puzzled why you don't see that.

I don't think you're ready for anything more, to be honest. And I don't think this is all down to shyness. If that's how you react to increased levels of intimacy, you've got some inner work to do before you get involved in a relationship. It's normal to be somewhat guarded but you're taking it to a level that it's interfering with your ability to form a deeper bond. Love is risky. There are no guarantees; that's just human nature. If you're unwilling or unable to take a chance, this will never work.

The bottom line is that you cannot behave in that manner and then wonder why he's stopped initiating.

Edited June 18, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

June 18, 2016

No I do not have aspbergers. When did I ever say that he's not interested? I was wondering if he has LOST interest because he doesn't initiate, that's basically the title of this question. Now I see that it MIGHT be because I've been "distant" because I get shy when I develop feelings. That does not make me messed up. Just because I don't look him in the eyes during sex because I'm too shy and can't kiss him because it suddenly means something to me, while it may not mean anything to him, does not mean that I am messed up. I keep my heart guarded. If I knew for sure where I had him I wouldn't mind being that intimate.
Yes I want to clear this up and I am going to talk to him.

Tip: guys are not mind readers. Also if you want a healthy relationship, you need to have good communication with your partner....it's pretty simple.

June 18, 2016

I was wondering if he has LOST interest because he doesn't initiate, that's basically the title of this question.

Actually, the title is "is he not interested".

Maybe in your head it's 'has he lost interest', but that isn't the title...

If I were him I would think you are barely into me at all, not attracted physically - I would probably have cut contact.

There is no way I would be thinking that oh, she cant look at me during sex and doesn't want to kiss me, must be falling for me!

June 19, 2016

No I do not have aspbergers. When did I ever say that he's not interested? I was wondering if he has LOST interest because he doesn't initiate, that's basically the title of this question. Now I see that it MIGHT be because I've been "distant" because I get shy when I develop feelings. That does not make me messed up. Just because I don't look him in the eyes during sex because I'm too shy and can't kiss him because it suddenly means something to me, while it may not mean anything to him, does not mean that I am messed up. I keep my heart guarded. If I knew for sure where I had him I wouldn't mind being that intimate.
Yes I want to clear this up and I am going to talk to him.

I don't understand, if you are so shy how can you even have sex? Aren't you too shy to take your clothes off?

June 19, 2016

I really like him. We hit off well in the beginning. He took me out on a date and we remained touch as we would meet up whenever the two of us went out. I met his friends and he met mine. He was open to have me and my friends come over to hang with his. We had really personal conversations as we were trying to get to know each other. He was affectionate with me in front of his friends and they were happy about it. The way he acted towards me overall made me certain that he had something more serious in mind which scared me off and I came off as just being interested in sex. He was telling me how he has a lot to teach me about life and asked if he meant in sex and he said no, not that way.
I kept myself very private and would text him on the evenings to come over, even though I had feelings and realized I wanted more. Stupid I know!

I just stopped being turned on so out sex didn't work out. I turned shy as I got feelings so the "spark" was kind of fading as I barley talk. I couldn't look him in the eyes during sex as he wants me to. I stopped kissing him because suddenly it means something to me. Suddenly I find myself having to text him first. It didn't bother me because I always gets a positive response from him, he replies right away, he use emoticons in every sentence and is happy to talk to me. HE suggest to meet up. So he is interested?

I told my friend who has met him and she said it's obvious that he likes me in person and I get that feeling too.. Then how come he doesn't intiate?! Or text first? At least not anymore. He acts so interested in person! Also last time I met him, he was really happy to have me comber over but I was really drunk and rude. He got annoyed with me and I didn't understand why, then he pushed me off him during sex saying I'm not into it all. It really put me off. I'm just looking for a final advice because I'm starting to wonder if he's actually not interested. I'm thinking about dropping him but I would like to know for sure before doing so.

You're all over the place.

He did initiate contact then stopped when you started acting distant. He still replied quickly so he was giving you a way to lead the conversation to make you comfortable it seems.

Were you not wanting something serious with this guy? Is that what scared you off? Do you usually shut down when you like someone?

June 19, 2016

You're all over the place.

He did initiate contact then stopped when you started acting distant. He still replied quickly so he was giving you a way to lead the conversation to make you comfortable it seems.

Were you not wanting something serious with this guy? Is that what scared you off? Do you usually shut down when you like someone?

I know, I got a little too worked up when I posted this.

At first I wasn't looking for anything serious but he showed interest so I thought why not. He turned out to be a really nice guy and as I started to develop feelings for him of course I realized that I want more, something serious. It scares me that he may not want something serious though. We haven't talked anything about "us". I don't exactly shut down but I get distant until I know the other person's intentions are.

June 19, 2016

I think you might be inadvertently telling him you are comfortable with casual sex and one night stands, but not with a serious relationship.

Your actions will tend to push away serious minded guys.

June 19, 2016

You are sabotaging yourself by pulling away the moment you develop feelings. Your intentions are not clear either, from his point of view.

A guy cannot possibly get to know you beyond a casual level if you practice distancing behaviour when intimacy ramps up. How are they supposed to get to know you and show you their intentions if you are so quick to run away? And they certainly can't have a conversation about "us" if you're aloof. Your fear is overriding and breaking down a potential match.

Instead of giving this guy a chance to develop a deeper connection, you switched off and acted like you're not interested.

There's not much he can do with that.

June 23, 2016

You are sabotaging yourself by pulling away the moment you develop feelings. Your intentions are not clear either, from his point of view.

A guy cannot possibly get to know you beyond a casual level if you practice distancing behaviour when intimacy ramps up. How are they supposed to get to know you and show you their intentions if you are so quick to run away? And they certainly can't have a conversation about "us" if you're aloof. Your fear is overriding and breaking down a potential match.

Instead of giving this guy a chance to develop a deeper connection, you switched off and acted like you're not interested.

There's not much he can do with that.

I don't know what to do though! We haven't talked in two weeks.. Seriously two weeks. I want to clear things up for certain. I have been thinking about texting him but I just stare at my phone then get scared and put it down. I was thinking about texting him during the day instead but I am terrified this isn't funny.

June 24, 2016

I don't know what to do though! We haven't talked in two weeks.. Seriously two weeks. I want to clear things up for certain. I have been thinking about texting him but I just stare at my phone then get scared and put it down. I was thinking about texting him during the day instead but I am terrified this isn't funny.

I would not contact him.

I say that because I think, in kindness, that you need to work on your self-esteem and insecurity first. Otherwise, the same problem will keep cropping up. Your fear is paralyzing you, which is a sign you're not ready for a relationship yet. Do some inner digging and address the underlying issues that cause you to behave in a distant and rejecting manner. Then begin dating.

Take this as a learning moment so you can avoid similar problems in the future.

June 24, 2016

I think you might be inadvertently telling him you are comfortable with casual sex and one night stands, but not with a serious relationship.

Your actions will tend to push away serious minded guys.

Couldn't agree more when I find out a girl is after a bit of fun that's all she is to me is a bit of fun. I wont think of her in any other way.

June 26, 2016

I checked upon him because I wanted to talk but he ignored me. He didn't even bother to open my message. I don't understand? It would have been nice with some kind of explanation.

June 26, 2016

Anyone? I'm seriously left pulling my hair out wondering why he's suddenly ignoring me..

June 26, 2016

Anyone? I'm seriously left pulling my hair out wondering why he's suddenly ignoring me..

Read this thread again.... the answers are all there.

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Is he not interested?

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