Thisisskyler Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 So I'm dating a woman who was a good friend to me. I am of the belief friends could have sex and not escalate a relational. Didn't work out that way. I do love her. But, I do want to have sex with other women. It's several things, she is bigger and my shallow preferential side is showing, and I can only find her sexy sometimes. I find myself desiring other women more now than when we we just friends. Open or non monogamous relationships are not an option and morally I can't cheat on her, but physically and emotionally I need something more compatible, whether single or different relationship. How do I know this isn't just lust or animalistic desires, or even, me being shallow and wanting what I don't have, or what I really need out of relationships to be happy? Also she loves me more than any other woman I've been in a relationship with.
chatter Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 I am going to vote shallow. If love is what you already have but youre wanting to leave based on purely physical reasons then yes that is immature and shallow. Let the girl be with someone who will love her for her. Or you could start taking romantic walks around the park every night and offer to cook dinner and make it purely healthy and say you want to do couples workouts and bond together by making fitness a lifestyle not a choice. Sex is an important part of the relationship but it doesnt define the entire relationship, so if your willing to throw away love with should be 80% of the relationship based on your 20% hangup because shes not attractive enough then you need to think about the math and realize whats actually more important. Dont lead her on.
spiderowl Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 I don't think it's unusual for a man to feel attracted to other women while in a relationship but most would not act on it if they valued their relationship. You need to ask yourself how you would feel if your relationship ended or your current girlfriend were to leave you to date and sleep with other men. If this does not bother you, then maybe she is not the one for you.
Tribble Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Or you could start taking romantic walks around the park every night and offer to cook dinner and make it purely healthy and say you want to do couples workouts and bond together by making fitness a lifestyle not a choice. Don't think I agree with this bit. This is your problem. It's not like she started gaining weight after you guys decided to give things a go. You can't go into it trying to change her. If she wanted to change, that would be one thing, especially if she asked for your help, but for all we know, she might be happy with her size. It's one thing to find other attractive in a relationship. It's quite another to prefer others and want to sleep with them. This is a sign that something is not right. Maybe you love her in more of a friendship capacity? My ex and I were friends first and got into a relationship from there. At first, I didn't find him physically my type. But once I got there and started falling for him, my goodness, he is all I wanted. I noticed physical attractiveness in others but I didn't want anyone else touching me. Ever. That's how you should feel. I'm not perfect and I would want someone to feel that way about me. Maybe you should let her find someone who would feel that way about her. 1
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