harnold Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Hi guys, I'm gonna try to make this short. So I'm 28 and she's 25. Ive known her since 2011 and we dated a few years on and off since. Recently I've been very preoccupied with work and it has taken a toll on the relationship, as we don't really do much. For the past few months she's been indicating to me uncertainty in our relationship, but this was always transient. This past week though, things came to a boiling point. Last week, she told me she wants to date other people, have more experiences, etc, and she has some dates planned and already been on some. Of course I don't react favorably to this and it upsets me. I care about her deeply, and its upsetting to me that work has gotten in between us like that. I want to try to fix the work-life balance, but i know it will be hard. But i want to try. She's still down to go out and do things with me, but she also said she wants to continue doing what shes doing now. In other words, going w the flow, seeing other people if she wants to, etc. Is it wrong for me to want to continue to try to patch things in this situation? Do I have no self respect for myself if I try to do nice things for her as she's seeing other people? For example, she has a date today, but we still have plans to go out tomorrow. Is this a bad thing for me to do? (dont get me wrong, im not happy with it, but i want to do my best to right the wrongs)
central Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 You can break things off with her, or you can fix your work/life balance and perhaps repair the relationship. How good a partner would she be if you devoted the necessary time to the relationship? I can't blame her for considering bailing on you eventually. She's giving you notice that she's weighing - and exploring - her options. Presently, you're not really a couple, and she has serious doubts about the future - any future - with you, even though she apparently still has some hope that it may work. If you can't fix your overwork issues, let her go so she can seek a good relationship.
Author harnold Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 (edited) You can break things off with her, or you can fix your work/life balance and perhaps repair the relationship. How good a partner would she be if you devoted the necessary time to the relationship? I can't blame her for considering bailing on you eventually. She's giving you notice that she's weighing - and exploring - her options. Presently, you're not really a couple, and she has serious doubts about the future - any future - with you, even though she apparently still has some hope that it may work. If you can't fix your overwork issues, let her go so she can seek a good relationship. I know, I agree with all of this. Do you think there is anything wrong with my action of trying to "fix myself and redate her", even while she is possibly dating other people? Edited June 17, 2016 by harnold
tinkerbell16 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I know, I agree with all of this. Do you think there is anything wrong with my action of trying to "fix myself and redate her", even while she is possibly dating other people? Yes, she will value you less and there will be no opportunity to miss you. Tell her you are willing to make changes for your relationship and you realize it has caused her to look elsewhere but you cannot be a part of a line of men vying for her then let her go without animosity. She will either date and find someone more compatible or she will date and realize what she had with you cannot be matched and come back to you with a new perspective and appreciation for you. But letting her date while she is with you will only cause your value in her eyes to drop. Significantly.
central Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 I know, I agree with all of this. Do you think there is anything wrong with my action of trying to "fix myself and redate her", even while she is possibly dating other people? No, there's nothing wrong with it. However, if you make time for this relationship, and she continues dating others (which she may, at least until you prove that any changes you make are real and sustainable), then you should as well. When my wife and I first met, we thought we had a future, but she had so little dating experience that she had no basis of comparison on which to make a good decision - and she'd made a very poor decision in marrying her first husband. We both continued dating others until she was sure of her choice (I dated too, in case she chose someone else). Obviously it worked out. We both wanted someone who was a great match AND chose to be with us - we just had to get to that point, and did. 1
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