When you know you're better off without them but can't let go...sticking with NC.

[Jeannie]

No contact is killing me - although I'm the one who started it. A week ago I was hurt, disgusted and everything he did was driving me up the wall. I just ended it out of frustration - didn't return his phone call on Father's Day. That day I was just irritable and mad at him - I didn't want to call him back and start a fight. So I just left it at that. We've been together on and off for almost 2 years..... we've gone thru weeks of NC then either he calls or I call.

 

But this time was different - I felt a total lack of respect from him - we lost our connection together and after repeated attempts at trying to make our relationship work it got to the point everything he did just grinded my nerves raw. So I just stopped contact.

 

He didn't make any attempts to call me or ask me what's wrong - I feel bad and guilty for stopping contact without any particular reason.

 

I want to call him - but if I do he'll get an attitude......... should I just wait it out?

 

I'm having anxiety attacks and I grab the phone, start to call him then I stop..........

 

I think maybe if I don't call him this is the end.... I don't want to break up - I just want him to understand my feelings (which he never does)...

 

I always run away from him when I feel my needs aren't being met - he hurts me in subtle ways and when I confront him he thinks I'm too emotional. I just want to feel loved and respected - he makes me feel insecure.

 

Should I call him? I was the one who stopped contact out of frustration but he has done nothing......he probably is tired of me always running away when something bothers me....I dunno.

 

No Contact is hard - I have the urge to call but don't think I should - but I hate not talking to him..... I'm confused about everything.

[Merin]

Well I guess I cannot understand how you expect him to know what's up with you and how you're feeling when you've said you don't really talk to him about thing's...

 

From what you've said, it seems you allow things to build over time and keep it all in until you can't take anymore and then you either get really emotional about things (meaning not really rational because you're upset) or you run out on things...

 

IF breaking up isn't what you really wanted, I suppose if I was in his position I would be looking at your actions for what it is you do want... and what you're showing him IMO is you don't want to communicate or work on things....

[Jeannie]

Merin, we talk about things - I make my feelings known loud and clear all the time - I ask for what I need from him and he just blows me off. When I talk to him I am open and honest and I tell him exactly how I feel. All I get in return are blank stares and he then tells me "You act like you don't care". I'm like "WHAT???".

 

This is when I get so frustrated - he doesn't care about my feelings and he always says he needs a nurturing wife, etc. I need nurturing from him too - he never takes me out anywhere - when we do go out it's usually at my suggestion and I end up either paying for dinner or paying my half.

 

When I try to talk with him - all he does is say "You never do enough for me". I get defensive and hurt and trying to remind him of all the things I do for him that he forgets so easily about - he just shrugs. He doesn't appreciate what I do for him - it's never enough. So I get upset and leave - because he's impossible to talk to. It's always all about him.

 

I do care about him and love him very much- I tell him until I'm blue in the face. He will not open up to me - when we have problems the first thing he does is get on the phone and calls up his mother and two sisters and tells them all our problems. Of course they coach him and then I'm the bad guy. Then when we're at a family gathering they all hate me. This hurts - they only hear what he tells them.

 

It's hard to explain the whole story here...there's so much more to it. And I have a son and he has a son - he won't open up to my son and neither will his own son - so my son always feels disliked and this bothers me alot. I'm widowed so my son's never had a father - and I wanted him to be a father figure but he and his son just gang up on my son and treat him like an outcast.

 

It goes on and on...... But to answer your post - he does know how I feel - he should have no question. He just won't support me and accept me and my son - he instead wants me to cater to his needs first and until I do he won't budge and give me anything I need.

[Merin]

If he won't accept you and your Wee Peep then yeah.. you're better off moving on.

Sorry...

[fastandfurious]

Hey Girl,

 

I am a widow too and let me tell you this-you are strong and have survived a lot of pain. This is nothing in comparison to losing our spouses/kid's fathers forever. How dare a man mess with a woman that knows what loss really means? I think these men just can't give up the ghost. Its funny how they want to us to keep grieving in a perpetual state. They like it because it makes us overtly loving and scared. I say screw that-we are far wiser and more resiliant than they think.

 

I know we are looking for love, stability, financial security and a father figure, but it sounds like these creeps can provide NONE of that. Keep up no contact and do not pick up his call (when it happens and it will). Your son deserves to see you with a truly kind-hearted man. He deserves to have a hero, not a coward, in his life at this point. And you do to.

 

Stay strong!!!!