ly399 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I (27) recently broke off with a guy (28) casually (non exclusive) dated 4 months. It got very intense, the guy almost wanted to settle down with me for life... but he wants single life for now and don't know when he will be ready to settle down. He doesn't want to settle down prematurely and cheat on me after marriage. He said when he's ready, he will want us to get married right away. He treated me very well, introduced me to his friends, colleagues, and family. He always say to everyone that i'm the best person he ever known and how lucky he is to have me in his life, etc. Everyone in his life all like me a lot. His family has an rule not to bring home girls he dated less than 6 months. His mom invited me to family reunion 2.5 months into dating. I politely declined. Then he invited me to an even bigger family gathering next month. I accepted at first, now i'm hesitant. It's a little insane given the short period of time we were together, and we started off as "hookup". I did the right thing by ending this non exclusive arrangement. He's sleeping with other women, but more for sex. I don't want to waste time waiting for him, my plan is to date other ppl, if one day he comes back for marriage, i'll think about it. The dilemma is whether we should stay friends. We really enjoy each other's company. He wanted to stay friends even if we don't have sex. He said he wants me in his life forever, even if one day i marry someone else, he'd still want to keep the friendship. The whole thing is crazy to me, because he had a handful of women in his life (long term, short term, hookup, etc) and never stayed friends with any of them. I dated very few people, and never stayed friends with ex before. I don't know what to do. I'm worried jealousy is going to make things messy down the road, and i'll get stuck. At the same time, I'm afraid that i tell him we will cut off completely, he might prematurely agree to commitment. He's coming off very strong, and my senses are bombarded by this guy. 1
DreamP Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 If you stay friends, you will end up FWB situation. And that is what this guy wants. He wants all the things that comes with a relationship without actually committing. He sounds like he's just stringing you along. Best to go no contact. 2
kismetkismet Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 It seems to me like if you keep him in your life then you will always wonder when he's going to come around, and it seems like that's how he's set it up to work out. I don't want to say for sure that he's being disingenuous INTENTIONALLY, but whether or not he's aware that he's doing it - he's stringing you along. So that he can do whatever he likes with other women, but still have you thinking that you are the important one that he will come around to once he's gone through this 'phase.' I don't think you can be friends with him, because it doesn't seem like you guys were ever *friends*. It would be more like a casual NSA relationship. If that's not what you're looking for then I would not try to be friends with him. Even if the two of you were to end up together, the resulting relationship would always be made weird by this "friendship" limbo that you went through while he slept with other women until he was ready to commit. I'd suggest that you tell him you can't be friends with him. Acquaintances on friendly terms maybe, because it doesn't sound like you're too heartbroken about it (as in you don't ignore each other if you run into each other. you can wish each other happy birthday on facebook or via text or whatever, that sort of thing) 2
Satu Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Let him have his fun with other women, if thats what he wants. But don't try to be his 'friend.' Go your separate ways, so that you can both find your own happiness. Take care.
gkly Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 He will emotionally exhaust you even more in the future. If you feel tired with his crazy behavior even before relationship, I think this will only get worse. Him sleeping around but wanting commitment is extremely an inconsistent behavior to me. As others said, going separate ways is the best, but it's ok to keep minimal contact, like staying as 'friend' on fb if you guys are one.
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