patricia0000 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Hey, i've got a pretty big dilemma here.. There's this guy I met online, he lives in the same city as me, I got feelings for him instantly and we've been seeing each other for a while now and it's getting more serious, he's even said he's open for a relationship with me but we decided to take things slow (I just got out of a really bad relationship a few months ago which I haven't told him yet but that's one of the reasons for me). This guy is a real gentleman and really nice and fun and we have so much in common and he's basically all i've ever looked for in a guy except from him being awful at texting lol. And then there is this other guy... I met him online as well but he lives a 10-11 hour drive away from here. I "met" him BEFORE this other guy and we got a better connection than i've ever had with anyone else. We understand each other because we both suffer from social anxiety and deal with the same problems and we became close friends real fast but it's obvious there is something more than friendship there. Anyway we decided to meet up this summer and we've been planning it for a few weeks and it's serious, we're doing this, and now I just don't know what I want anymore. To say that I don't have feelings for both of them would be to lie but i've only met one so the other guy hasn't had much of a chance, I could go see him this summer but by then I am pretty sure I won't be single anymore and to have a guy travel that far to see me when there is a 0% chance for anything more than friendship just feels ****ty when I know he likes me more than that + what would the guy i'm currently dating say if me and some handsome guy i've been having contact with online travelled to see each other over the weekend?.. I can't do that, it's basically cheating, at least in my eyes and it would most likely look that way to him as well. I also know that the guy i'm dating is a loner, he likes it that way and when we met he wasn't looking for a relationship - I don't even think he wanted one! But he's still got such deep feelings for me that he is willing to take things to the next level and actually have a relationship with me and that must be a huge step for him. Therefore I need to know for sure, I can't just lead him on and I don't want to because i've had feelings for him since the start.. When I started talking to him I was so heartbroken I thought I would never fall in love again but I fell for him instantly (and it's not like he was the only guy talking to me since I got single so that's not the reason) and now I feel guilty towards the other guy for being happy with this one and i'm terrified of making the wrong choice... I'm in hell here!!! I obviously have to choose but how?...
bachdude Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 First, my suggestion is to take it slow no matter who you choose. I have a suspicion you are still on a rebound even though I don't have the specific timeline of when the events happened. If you really want to choose, I would plan a date soon with the guy who is 10-11 hours away. You can't really choose until you have spent time with him in person and your relationship with the other guy is getting more serious. But I wonder, do you really want such a long distance relationship? Have you thought through it?
Author patricia0000 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 First, my suggestion is to take it slow no matter who you choose. I have a suspicion you are still on a rebound even though I don't have the specific timeline of when the events happened. If you really want to choose, I would plan a date soon with the guy who is 10-11 hours away. You can't really choose until you have spent time with him in person and your relationship with the other guy is getting more serious. But I wonder, do you really want such a long distance relationship? Have you thought through it? Thanks for replying! I am not on the rebound and I would never go on a rebound. It's been over between me and my ex for 8 months. He treated me like ****, not going to go into details.. I was devastated anyway and signed up for dating websites just to talk to other men (to convince myself there are plenty more fish in the sea I guess), not even planning on seeing them because i'm not the rebound-type. I went on a few dates with some really nice guys though but I felt nothing, literally nothing - I was empty inside. Then this guy came along and I don't even know what it was I just fell for him right away.. and well it is already getting serious and soon he will want an answer - are we a couple or not? Because he's already asked me once and I can't keep seeing him and want him to be more than a friend but at the same time not wanting to call him my boyfriend... I'll have to decide soon if i'm gonna cut him loose or have a relationship with him! I can't just go see this guy who lives further away, we have planned to see each other later this summer and it's not easy for any of us and I don't even know if I CAN see him now... I want to because I wanna see how I feel but I can't if I commit to a relationship with the guy i'm currently seeing, especially not at the beginning of our relationship.... and if I choose to let him go for now just to see the other guy i'm afraid he'll move on during that time and i'll lose him!.. I could of course tell the guy i'm dating the truth but i'm guessing he wouldn't take it very well.. I can't exactly lie either and go see the other guy behind his back, I would never lie and even if I would the truth would eventually come out and he would probably get really upset even if i'd really choose him in the end and then I might lose him because of that instead. My friend thinks I should skype a lot with the one who lives further away because that's as close as I can get to seeing him face to face right now but that isn't the same thing right? I personally doubt it'll work.. You can't really find out what kind of chemistry you have with someone until you meet them irl I think.
bachdude Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 The additional information helps. It seems to me you've found a great guy and you are risking losing him over a complete unknown, who also lives far away from you. But life is full of risks... I have a question for you; is there something about the guy who lives far away that would be worth the risk of losing the other guy? And is there something about the far away guy that is worth the long distance relationship and all the difficulties that come with it? If the answers are yes, then maybe go for it. If the answer is no, then maybe you just found a wonderful guy who is waiting for you. He won't wait forever though.
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