Moatilliata Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I've just come out of a relatively short (1 year) relationship. I think I probably already know the answers to my own questions but I wanted to vent my spleen a little anyway. It's petty and irrational but I feel slightly angry at the universe that there's no "comeuppance" for my ex. She spent the whole year emotionally manipulating me, being extremely self-absorbed and arrogant, insulting my family and friends, belittling me and basically quite happily taking all of my time, affection and effort without giving much in return. I fully understand that this is also my fault for not setting my boundaries strictly enough. She claims that all of this behaviour isn't "really her" and that she's only acted like this due to feeling devastated over a previous breakup she had a few months before she met me (which she didn't warn me about until 4 months in). Annoyingly, now that she's left, she has now taken an odd "moral highground-style" tone where she's "wishing me the best" and "hopes it hasn't been too hard". I know plenty of people, including myself, who have been through rough breakups without resorting to the behaviours she's exhibited over the past year. Most adults put their head down and get on with things with a sense of dignity so I don't think these traits have arisen recently. I'm a little bitter as objectively she's extremely beautiful, very intelligent and very charming with great amounts of social ease. Her parents have just bought her a massive new house in New York for her to start the next chapter of her life and she regularly has men throwing themselves at her so I'm sure she won't be short of company. All of her friends and family have only seen the charming, caring version of her so nobody knows how much of a nightmare she is below the surface. As a result, I feel like she's essentially got off scot free after being totally awful to me with no downsides whatsoever to her behaviour: she got what she wanted for as long as she wanted it and is now back to her life of continuous praise and attention, oblivious to her own faults. I know that life isn't inherently fair and that karma doesn't exist (and that there are bigger problems in the world right now) and that the only answer is to let my anger go peacefully but still... argh! I'm sure this too will pass and I'm sure my frustration will diminish, just wanted to vent!
Blah_Blah Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 "I know that life isn't inherently fair and that karma doesn't exist." I am sorry that you are going through this but I have a lot to say about Karma. I hope this story helps you. I loved a guy genuinely, he left me for another. I quickly found myself with the rebounds, I wasn't over my relationship and broke up with them without realizing how it might affect them. For eg. with one rebound I had one year of relationship, he wanted to marry me but I just left him. He kept calling me for a month, it made me mad and I said horrible things to him. I didn't realize how much he was hurting. I fell in love with some other guy and this guy left me pretty quickly, he did and said the same things which I did and said to my rebound. It took me two years to get over him. After hurting for two years, I jumped to another rebound, I had no love for him but I was lonely so I let him be my bf. I always knew that if I found someone good enough I'd quickly leave him. The same thing happened here, he involved his family and friends, he proposed me and then I left him, he was in tears, begging me to stay. I didn't leave him for someone else this time, it's just I couldn't see myself with him in long term. I don't know what he went through but it must be hard for him. Anyway, after one year (and this time I think I was a bit mature) I found someone who I could actually see as a long term partner. I was so happy , had three years of relationship and you know what happened? The way I left my rebound, this guy left me in the very same manner. I am still hurting and now this so called "love of my life" is getting married. It hit me so hard that I analysed all my relationships and the only answer I have is "Karma." My broken exes don't know what I went through, they think that I am living an awesome life but only I know that I am going through hell. I was young at that time, I actually didn't realize what I was doing but now I realize and I would never hurt anyone. Karma will bite her and you wouldn't know, don't imagine that she is having a good life. who knows what **** she is going through because she has hurt you. Once I checked their FB profiles and seeing them happy made me realize what a fool I was. Who knows, she'd realize the same in few years when you have moved on?
gaig Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 "Once I checked their FB profiles and seeing them happy made me realize what a fool I was." How do you mean that? That you should have given some time in these relationships to make them work and not run away? Or something else?
Blah_Blah Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Hi Gaig, I saw them happy and doing good in their careers and in personal lives, they were all good people, I realized I shouldn't have said horrible things to them. I should have known how it hurts to feel rejected. Basically I felt rebound was the wort choice I ever made, I didn't know it at that time. And now this Karma thing is killing me :(
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