harnold Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Hi guys. Im 28, she's 25. Ive known her since 2011 and we dated a few years on and off since. Last year, I opened a business and invited her to be my colleague on the project. Business has been tough - its now a year later now, and while things are finally picking up, the past year was very demoralizing, as could be expected. I noticed her attitude towards me often fluctuated with the business - it got progressively worse towards me when we did bad, and much more affectionate when we did good. We don't get to do many activities, which is unfortunate. Anyway, for the past few months she's been indicating to me uncertainty in our relationship, but this was always transient. This past week though, things came to a boiling point. Something to note: I tend to put alot more work into the business than her - she is still FT at her other job, while i am focusing on just this, grinding away every day, little sleep, etc. These past 2-3 weeks have been more demanding than ever, and things came to a boiling point. I have been admittedly been getting angry for not doing her workload and taking off full weekends to party. Last week, she told me she wants to date other people, and she has some dates planned and already been on some. Of course I don't react favorably to this and it upsets me. I care about her deeply, and its upsetting to me that our work life has gotten in between us. That being said, I want to help fix it, start doing fun things that would go a long way to fixing things, and making it happen more frequently. She is down with this, but has also said she wants to do what she is doing now. I.e., going w the flow, seeing other people if she wants to, etc. Is it wrong for me to want to continue to try to patch things in this situation? Do I have no self respect for myself if I try to do nice things for her as she's seeing other people? For example, she has a date friday, and i want to take her out saturday. Is this wrong of me?
Alamo657 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) Is it wrong for me to want to continue to try to patch things in this situation? Do I have no self respect for myself if I try to do nice things for her as she's seeing other people? For example, she has a date friday, and i want to take her out saturday. Is this wrong of me? Well the thing is, she decided from your past together that it isn't working out and is exploring other prospects. In your desire to reconnect you're starting with a major handicap : you have to make up for the negativitiy that has crept up between you and proove that it can be left behind, while the new guys will not have that handicap. It's ok to try and make it up, IF you think you have the means to turn your relationship around by leaving work at work and having fun in common activities. The question you must ask yourself is, is it REALLY, objectively, salvageable, is your connection strong enough to bypass the last few years, or are you going to deploy your energy on a lost cause. Experience is telling me that she already checked out of the relationship and you're gonna have a tough time. Edited June 16, 2016 by Alamo657
Author harnold Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 Well the thing is, she decided from your past together that it isn't working out and is exploring other prospects. In your desire to reconnect you're starting with a major handicap : you have to make up for the negativitiy that has crept up between you and proove that it can be left behind, while the new guys will not have that handicap. It's ok to try and make it up, IF you think you have the means to turn your relationship around by leaving work at work and having fun in common activities. The question you must ask yourself is, is it REALLY, objectively, salvageable, is your connection strong enough to bypass the last few years, or are you going to deploy your energy on a lost cause. Experience is telling me that she already checked out of the relationship and you're gonna have a tough time. Thanks for your input. I think it's possible. I mean, I'm 28 and I would love to have more experiences personally too. I look at my life and how much time I've spent in my work and I do wish I could've had more experiences as well. I hear you on the handicap, but at the same time what about the years of connections and experiences we do have? Because of our business we see each other multiple times a week. Do you think these things outweigh the other guys "fresh slate" advantage? Or are they essentially meaningless. Also, me accepting that she'll date other people, while still trying to date her - is it pathetic? Or is my ego getting in the way here for resorting to that label. Will she view me as pathetic?
Author harnold Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 Anyone else have more thoughts? Please
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