AMJ Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I'm just about to throw the book at online dating. I've been talking to this guy for a while, we couldn't seem to find time to meet in person. We're both pretty busy, dating other people, working, traveling, etc. But we got along pretty well on the phone and seemed to have a lot in common. Finally we decide to meet in person. This guy is nearly an hour late to meet me, and honestly didn't even have any reason to be late. I don't really know why but he was disappointing in person. I felt no chemistry. And I don't even feel like he tried to create chemistry. I kept thinking, what are either of us even doing here right now. He told me stories about his last girlfriend being really high maintenance and overly dramatic. He asked me where I go to meet guys (such a weird thing to ask). We walked past his house to get to my car- yes conveniently he wanted to meet somewhere near his house- and he made a big deal about pointing out his apartment down the street. I'd already said I was going home, and I have no idea why he pointed out (3x I think) which apartment was his, they all looked the same. Anyway he gives me a hug goodbye and then kissed me. It felt like kissing my brother- has anyone experienced that before? It's not good. And then he asked me how turned on I was, and said that I probably knew he was more turned on than I was. I was thinking, does he want me to give him a score, like from 1-10? He held my hand, and I just said I needed to go home. And then he sent me a text saying that he didn't think I liked him. I don't even know how to respond, and don't really want to. This whole thing started out pretty boring and typical and quickly became extremely strange and awkward. How can people be so different online/in text than in real life?
Dark Horse Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 For some people, it's a lot easier for them to write online than it is to speak and communicate in person. They may not have the social intelligence or they could be very shy so they struggle with face-to-face interaction. Which is often why you can meet someone online but you really have no idea what they're going to be like once you meet them in person. I don't know if this is something people do but you could always offer to skype or something before meeting in person. Especially if they live a ways away. That way you can tell if there's any chemistry when you're actually speaking. 2
Alamo657 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I don't get it, do you WANT to go out with him again? Why is it a problem ? You say it was boring and awkward, and he clunkily hinted at having sex with his numerous flat's references. Basically from his point of view, all the messaging convo convinced him that you would fall into his lap IRL because he thought you liked him as a person. Reality was harsher. Also, a man telling a woman "you don't like me" is pathetic, and even I don't do that. Of course you don't like him !
Author AMJ Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 I'm debating telling him how much of an idiot he is for wasting my time. It's like he walked out to bat and just watched three strikes fly by without even swinging. Why bother asking me out if you're not even going to TRY to get me to like you? Are women seriously this easy nowadays? All a guy has to do is show up- even an hour late- and sit there and not be charming or engaging or flirtatious and expect me to turn into sex goddess when he points at his apartment like I've never seen an apartment before? 4
4x4storm Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I had a similar experience happen on my first ever date! We talked online for close to a month we would chat from 4PM-2AM literally every day. We had everything in common and we were about equal in attractiveness if that makes sense. At this point i'm already telling friends this will turn into a relationship (Silly I know ) She tells me she doesn't have a car so I thought it would be the gentleman thing to do to drive all the way down to her dodgy neighborhood to treat her to a movie & dinner. When I arrive I find out she has a car :/ before the movie starts she just talks about her dead friend. The whole movie she is sitting on the edge of her seat looking like she's ready to bolt. At dinner I did all the talking she said nothing until she opened her mouth and rambled how all the cute guys never texted her back and how her father really liked one guy she went out with. There was no chemistry the whole time. I was so confused why we chatted for so long and had everything in common but nothing happened between us? That's why I tend to chase girls now that are different from me it has proven a lot more effective.
Emilia Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Why did you wait for him for an hour? I would have left after 20 mins tops, maybe 15. I don't really know what you mean by this: "I'm debating telling him how much of an idiot he is for wasting my time. It's like he walked out to bat and just watched three strikes fly by without even swinging. Why bother asking me out if you're not even going to TRY to get me to like you? Are women seriously this easy nowadays? All a guy has to do is show up- even an hour late- and sit there and not be charming or engaging or flirtatious and expect me to turn into sex goddess when he points at his apartment like I've never seen an apartment before?" He is a stranger. He doesn't know you. He has his own personality and way of dealing with life and you have yours. It's the way of OLD to meet people you would never speak to for a minute in real life. 12
Haydn Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Why did you wait for him for an hour? I would have left after 20 mins tops, maybe 15. I don't really know what you mean by this: "I'm debating telling him how much of an idiot he is for wasting my time. It's like he walked out to bat and just watched three strikes fly by without even swinging. Why bother asking me out if you're not even going to TRY to get me to like you? Are women seriously this easy nowadays? All a guy has to do is show up- even an hour late- and sit there and not be charming or engaging or flirtatious and expect me to turn into sex goddess when he points at his apartment like I've never seen an apartment before?" He is a stranger. He doesn't know you. He has his own personality and way of dealing with life and you have yours. It's the way of OLD to meet people you would never speak to for a minute in real life. Don't get it either. Op, you went on a date. It wasn't good. End of. Never done online dating but I guess it's hit and miss. 4
nordic Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I'm debating telling him how much of an idiot he is for wasting my time. It's like he walked out to bat and just watched three strikes fly by without even swinging. Why bother asking me out if you're not even going to TRY to get me to like you? Are women seriously this easy nowadays? All a guy has to do is show up- even an hour late- and sit there and not be charming or engaging or flirtatious and expect me to turn into sex goddess when he points at his apartment like I've never seen an apartment before? what did you do to provide inspiration? it sounds on you like you feel you dont need to do anything? 1
salparadise Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 what did you do to provide inspiration? it sounds on you like you feel you dont need to do anything? She granted him the privilege of taking her out and buying her something. What the hell else is she supposed to do? Haven't you heard... expectations are a one-way kind of thing. AMJ, next time tell the guy you have high expectations, and no pussy unless he makes a big effort. Problem solved.
Toodaloo Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Don't get it either. Op, you went on a date. It wasn't good. End of. Never done online dating but I guess it's hit and miss. This is it. You are both dating others anyway so why are you so bothered? Just forget about it and write it off as a bad job. You have good dates, you have bad dates. Neither really matter until you meet that person you want to be with so quit stressing. Take a break from it all to do your own thing then go back to it and start fresh.
BaileyB Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Next... This guy sounds very entitled and I wouldn't waste my time. 1
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 We're both pretty busy, dating other people, working, traveling, etc. What? You are both busy dating other people so why did you even meet? Why not explore those people you are currently dating before going at a new fish? He was a bad date, I had tons of those. You turn your back and you forget about them before reaching your car in the parking lot.
karena70 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I'm debating telling him how much of an idiot he is for wasting my time. It's like he walked out to bat and just watched three strikes fly by without even swinging. Why bother asking me out if you're not even going to TRY to get me to like you? Are women seriously this easy nowadays? All a guy has to do is show up- even an hour late- and sit there and not be charming or engaging or flirtatious and expect me to turn into sex goddess when he points at his apartment like I've never seen an apartment before? Why do people these days feel entitled to call someone they just met an idiot just because it didn't work out. Can't you just not see him again? I get that the internet has made us all believe we deserve to say whatever we want to someone else, but we really don't. It's...rude and not our job. Just let it go. 2
SmartDude Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 This is why I invest only the bare minimum in time and effort, when getting to know some one online before meeting. The goal is ALWAYS to meet for that first date. 1
amaysngrace Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Perfect example of why you should only date people you meet in person so you can jack their vibe. Unless sexual chemistry doesn't rate high on the priority list, that is. 1
Author AMJ Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 Why did you wait for him for an hour? I would have left after 20 mins tops, maybe 15. Oh you're right, I should have left. So he would walk in and just not find me there. I was close to leaving and not waiting for him. Why did I wait? I'd already made the effort to be there and figured maybe he had a good reason for being late, maybe he'd make up for it by being an awesome date and exciting person to meet. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. She granted him the privilege of taking her out and buying her something. What the hell else is she supposed to do? Haven't you heard... expectations are a one-way kind of thing. AMJ, next time tell the guy you have high expectations, and no pussy unless he makes a big effort. Problem solved. Look, I will apologize for many things in my life. I will admit I have plenty of faults and imperfections. Having high standards in terms of who I date, how I'm treated, and even higher standards of who I sleep with? I will never apologize for that. I think too many people have low standards of both dating in general and the people they wind up in relationships with. what did you do to provide inspiration? it sounds on you like you feel you dont need to do anything? I looked pretty, wore a nice outfit, traveled to his side of town since he had a busier day than I did, got to the restaurant on time, did not give him a hard time about being nearly an hour late, smiled, made pleasant conversation, flirted a little bit, genuinely put in effort to get to know him, and I kissed the guy back. I'm not really sure what more effort you feel I should have made. Another poster says I made too much effort by waiting for him when he was late, you're saying I didn't do enough to make this guy happy. Why do people these days feel entitled to call someone they just met an idiot just because it didn't work out. Can't you just not see him again? I get that the internet has made us all believe we deserve to say whatever we want to someone else, but we really don't. It's...rude and not our job. Just let it go. Calm down, Karena. I'm not going to go all pyscho on the guy. However, if it's so rude to tell him that he wasted my time, how is the way he wasted my timenot also rude? How did he waste my time? It's like he gave up before the date even started. I can tell he felt bad about being late, even though he offered no real reason why. I moved past it and didn't want it to ruin our night, but it seems like he felt he was bound to fail and didn't even try. I posted this because I see so many guys on here who do the same thing to themselves on dates and then come here saying - I don't get why she didn't like me. I'm saying- you asked her out, commit to making the date the best it can be, give it 100%, and then if it doesn't work out, you know you tried. Otherwise honestly why even bother. 2
katiegrl Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 How did he waste my time? It's like he gave up before the date even started. I can tell he felt bad about being late, even though he offered no real reason why. I moved past it and didn't want it to ruin our night, but it seems like he felt he was bound to fail and didn't even try. I hear ya AMJ. At first I was just gonna say he probably wasn't attracted to you, and knew that fairly quickly so didn't feel he needed to put much effort in as he wasn't gonna see you again anway. But clearly that wasn't the case since he kept hinting (buffoonishly) that he wanted you to see his place (i.e. have sex with you)! So he was attracted, just a self-entitled lazy bafoon.... who didn't even have the courtesy to be on time... let alone put much effort in while actually on the date. I totally get it, and yeah utter waste of your time and energy.... Block delete next. 2
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 This guy was only looking for sex....didn't anyone else see that?? As for being late, you wait 10 mins and if they are not there...they fail you leave. I'm actually surprised he even sent you a text. No worries he's a dill hole and you didn't miss out. This is why I always say, don't invest until you meet in person...that's when you can read their vibe, their body language, mannerisms, etc. Like roulette, you place a bet on someone else and spin the wheel again. 3
Emilia Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I think perhaps you were too annoyed by the time he turned up. Quite rightly so. I think you should put it behind you but really anyone that is so tardy without a good reason just isn't dating material. Respect is very important.
Jabron1 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I think perhaps you were too annoyed by the time he turned up. I'm very rarely late for anything. Lateness pisses me off - bigtime. I agree with Emilia. You had to have been at least slightly resentful of his nonsense. In future, send a text after 15 minutes. Sitting there patiently for an hour in silence is not something that any valuable person does. He doesn't reply to that within 5 minutes? Get on with your day. I had a date like this last year. Late, and no text until she arrived. I had left and started going around the shops. When she text me, I was in Tesco . I had her meet me in there. Some people just f*ck up the good date vibe, and it's stupid to pretend otherwise. 3
RecentChange Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Are women seriously this easy nowadays? All a guy has to do is show up- even an hour late- and sit there and not be charming or engaging or flirtatious and expect me to turn into sex goddess when he points at his apartment like I've never seen an apartment before? Ummm, if "women seriously this easy nowadays" this guy wouldn't be single, going on failed OLD dates.... obviously his technique is not effective. Okay, I will admit, I do not have OLD dating experience myself, but here is the picture I get based off of so many threads here on LS. OLD is FULL of socially awkward, inept, and those who have otherwise "failed" in the normal dating scene. You are less likely to find prince charming, who has impeccable social graces, outstanding conversation skills, good looks and success via OLD - because men like this can find dates out there in "real life" they don't have to turn to a computer (or worse, hide behind a computer) to try to connect with women. Sure, there are some "hidden gems" I bet - but there are also a bunch of frogs. And its harder to sort through them without being able to interact in person first.
Mikau Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Ummm, if "women seriously this easy nowadays" this guy wouldn't be single, going on failed OLD dates.... obviously his technique is not effective. Okay, I will admit, I do not have OLD dating experience myself, but here is the picture I get based off of so many threads here on LS. OLD is FULL of socially awkward, inept, and those who have otherwise "failed" in the normal dating scene. You are less likely to find prince charming, who has impeccable social graces, outstanding conversation skills, good looks and success via OLD - because men like this can find dates out there in "real life" they don't have to turn to a computer (or worse, hide behind a computer) to try to connect with women. Sure, there are some "hidden gems" I bet - but there are also a bunch of frogs. And its harder to sort through them without being able to interact in person first. This is a very antiquated and outdated view on online dating. It's moved on from there mostly being social rejects now. I think it's very similar to 'offline' dating in terms of ratio now. The reason we see so many threads about it is more because it is very difficult to filter the frogs from the princes before actually meeting. On one hand it leads to threads like this with people being disappointed because they weren't strict enough, and on the other hands of people disappointed of people not giving them a chance. All this isn't an issue offline where you meet and now what people are like, you feel their vibe a little, before going on a date.
Hopeful30 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) You can't create chemistry. It's either there or it isn't. That doesn't mean you will feel the chemistry full on right when you meet. Sometimes it takes a little bit of getting to know each other to realize there is chemistry, when you both open up and start being more yourselves around each other when the nerves and 'expectations' for yourself dissipate. Also realize that there is a difference in ENERGY. When you're conversing online, you're reading with your own inner voice in a manner of how you IMAGINE him to be. When he's actually there in front of you, you get a FEEL for himm, you understand his energy, which is when you make the final decision if you like this person or not. In every day life we natural attract or repel these people based on our energies, but that luxury doesn't exist online where a fabricated version of themselves (by themselves) is all you have to go on, which is why it's hard to find a mate this way. When you actually get to interact with them, that's when all the truth is revealed to you, based on their behaviours, their choice of speech, even accidental Freudian slips! You see them at face value, and that's why it's often disappointing. We can all makes ourselves look like something we are not online, but it's harder to lie about who we truly are in real life. Edited June 16, 2016 by Hopeful30
katiegrl Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 You can't create chemistry. It's either there or it isn't. That doesn't mean you will feel the chemistry full on right when you meet. Sometimes it takes a little bit of getting to know each other to realize there is chemistry, when you both open up and start being more yourselves around each other when the nerves and 'expectations' for yourself dissipate. Also realize that there is a difference in ENERGY. When you're conversing online, you're reading with your own inner voice in a manner of how you IMAGINE him to be. When he's actually there in front of you, you get a FEEL for himm, you understand his energy, which is when you make the final decision if you like this person or not. In every day life we natural attract or repel these people based on our energies, but that luxury doesn't exist online where a fabricated version of themselves (by themselves) is all you have to go on, which is why it's hard to find a mate this way. When you actually get to interact with them, that's when all the truth is revealed to you, based on their behaviours, their choice of speech, even accidental Freudian slips! You see them at face value, and that's why it's often disappointing. We can all makes ourselves look like something we are not online, but it's harder to lie about who we truly are in real life. You sound like me! lol I am always going on and on about energies.... I seriously think most people think I'm slightly whacked because of it.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 You can't create chemistry. It's either there or it isn't. That doesn't mean you will feel the chemistry full on right when you meet. Sometimes it takes a little bit of getting to know each other to realize there is chemistry, when you both open up and start being more yourselves around each other when the nerves and 'expectations' for yourself dissipate. Also realize that there is a difference in ENERGY. When you're conversing online, you're reading with your own inner voice in a manner of how you IMAGINE him to be. When he's actually there in front of you, you get a FEEL for himm, you understand his energy, which is when you make the final decision if you like this person or not. In every day life we natural attract or repel these people based on our energies, but that luxury doesn't exist online where a fabricated version of themselves (by themselves) is all you have to go on, which is why it's hard to find a mate this way. When you actually get to interact with them, that's when all the truth is revealed to you, based on their behaviours, their choice of speech, even accidental Freudian slips! You see them at face value, and that's why it's often disappointing. We can all makes ourselves look like something we are not online, but it's harder to lie about who we truly are in real life. This is exactly how I feel about OLD and why it hasn't worked for me! It's so often that I get to an OLD and even if a guy looks like his picture, as soon as we interact, I am somehow immediately repelled. That's why for me meeting someone in a bar for example is way better than OLD. OLD often feels like such a chore because of sparkless dates...
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