Hos Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Hi everyone, Sorry for the rambling post but I need some help here. I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year now. It has been great. Really great. Amazing even. Best relationship I have ever been in. But lately something has come up and I don't know how to deal with it. Before I start let me give you the rundown. Both in our mid 30's. Live in a major city on the east coast. We are both very busy professionals and I travel some for work. We don't live together and don't have any plans to get married. Both been there done that no thank you ma'am. Here is my problem: the other day she got sad about something I said. I dismissed a concern she had with a friend. She didn't get upset with me. She just got sad and sort of closed up. We have an incredible connection and can tell when either one of us gets closed up. What bothered me was that this popped into my brain when she did this. "oh here we go again, sad GF is gonna sad". I know my reaction was defensive but it also made me realize how often this happens over what I consider to be small things. Often it is me doing the "small things" but not always. She is a very sensitive person but she is also very level headed. Not prone to flights of fancy. But she just has this sort of need to get sad about something. I am the opposite. I rarely get sad about something - especially something that stems from a miscommunication. I might get my feelings hurt but once the miscommunication is cleared up I am fine. She's the opposite of me in this regard. She is like a pond. You stick your hand in it and disturb it and it takes a long time for everything to settle down. Maybe that is a woman thing. Maybe that is just a person thing. But it is driving me bonkers. Every time it happens I realize I am thinking something like "oh of f***'s sake, there she goes again" because I know it will be some multi-day sad. I know she isn't playing a power trip or anything. She is just genuinely sad. It makes me on edge all the time and when the sad does happen, it makes me want to get away from her. I don't like that feeling. I don't know what I am asking you all for. I guess I just wanted to vent. But I also wanted to hear from any other women who may be like my girlfriend and get your perspective on how I should behave differently. I know you guys are going to ask so this is what I said. She was telling me about some drama with one of her friends and how her friend said something hurtful to her. I said something like, "well then maybe you shouldn't talk to her anymore". I know my tone was dismissive when I said it but honestly, if her friend is going to be rude to her she just shouldn't talk to her anymore. This isn't the first time her friend has been rude to her. Not by a longshot. Help!
SammySammy Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Both things are true. Sad girlfriend is going to sad ... and men and women communicate differently. You're a man in a relationship. What you say and do can and will impact your relationship. You have to realize ... Watch the clip.
five2nine Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Well you just have to decide if this is something you can put up with. She's not going to change. It's definitely not a "girl" thing getting sad. This is her. I am dating a guy who is similar when they get "mad" or "sad". It is like walking on eggshells at this point. I get to reassure them but they don't reassure me when they seem like they want to break up and even tell me they're "still unsure" about whether they will. Yeahhhh....you just have to decide for yourself. Can you live with it?
mikeylo Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 It's very normal. Certain situations trigger an old feeling and a certain outcome. And your reaction kind of validates the probable outcome. No one is perfect.
kendahke Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 This is who she is. If you can't deal with that, you need to end the relationship. You can't be with someone and have a dismissive attitude about her when she's feeling a certain way. Yeah, she gets genuinely sad and yeah, here you go again unless you decide to dump her and find someone who emotes in a way you find satisfactory.
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