sv1123 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) I met this guy for a hook-up on Sunday I initiated that I told him I explicitly wanted to just be a casual hook-up - I explicitly said I just wanted to have some fun for a night. He agreed. I just wanted the experience of being in the moment with somebody, exploring, as I've always been in long-term relationships. I expected never to really see him for again and was full on intending to not spend the night, although I ended up accidentally doing so. I met him and we connected very well, intellectually and emotionally. There was a lot in common. But I was still guarded, trying to make sure a boundary was set. He, on the other hand, wasn't as much. Not too long after he met me I started to feel a date-vibe off of him - he was asking a lot of questions about myself, who I was. He wanted to take me to dinner before his and I said no. (Again, wanting that boundary to be set.) I thought to myself maybe he is just one of those friendly types that would want to get to know anybody a bit better, so I didn't make too much of it. I know some people like to be a bit more intimate during hook-ups, pretending it's like a date but not really, so I brushed it off. But then we started talking even more, before and after hooking up. During the hook-up he asked me to come back, but lol, I took that as just a thing he said during a passionate moment to continue hooking up. Yet it started getting deeper, an emotional connection began to develop, and he kept mentioning the future to me... ie he wanted to learn more about my work and told me to send it to him when I get a chance and links to various articles/documentaries we had randomly spoken about, asking me detailed questions about my dreams, goals, ambitions, a course I'm about to start in a few months, where I'll be. As I told him more, he kept telling me to make sure I I see him when I take that course. (I'll be a few hours away temporarily.) He is due to take the GRE in August - I told him I already took it and got a high score. He immediately tells me I have to help him study. He was also calling me a bunch of pet names and cuddling a ton, at one point calling me "my (pet name here)" and "his (pet name" here...before quickly adding, "I mean, not like you're mine, but you know." We were both off to work in the morning but even then we were cuddling and he kind of didn't want me to leave too soon - as in obviously dragging my stay out as long as he could before we had to go. When I left, he told me to text him - probably the tenth time he said that. I did the next day (yesterday), just sending him the article as he asked (a pretty deep one related to mental health and masculinity at that), and we joked/laughed, but he was also sexual too. I didn't respond to the sexual messages, just made a joke about something and that was it. So now I'm just of wondering: am I right in thinking this guy is actually interested in dating me/has caught feelings? Or do some men act like this during hook-ups, maybe hoping the person will come back for more as an fwb thing? I mean, he's definitely sexually into me. And it was odd he told me to text him first? Also didn't full-on compliment me - which is weird because I'm used to being complimented on my appearance by random men all the time. But the other stuff made me hesitant. It was his mannerisms and body language that made it clear to me he admired my mind/who I was and I suppose looks - I don't know if he was holding back because I was casual, or it was casual for him, or god knows what. I'm not entirely opposed to dating him, but I don't want a friends with benefits/one of those in-betweens that drag on. Just a hook-up for one night or just a friend is all I can do. The in-between stuff that drags on after is just too much drama for me. Insight into the situation and what I should do would be great. I'm thinking of just leaving it. If he texts in a timely fashion and initiates then maybe go with the flow and see where it goes? Or what? Edited June 16, 2016 by sv1123
joseb Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Did you tell him you just wanted a one night stand or did you just say casual? It's possible that he just wants casual and is also interested in you as a person - I dunno how you feel, but the way you talked about hooking up sounded like you were expecting it to be like a prostitute experience. Now, having said that, the pet name thing is odd. I mean, I wouldn't do that unless I was in a pretty serious relationship. And a little cuddling right after sex is probably ok, but a ton of it.... SO if you just wanted a ONS (and you haven't explained that yet) then you need to tell him that.
Author sv1123 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 I said casual fun for just a night, so I think it was clear it was just a one-night thing? But I'm not entirely sure I remember the exact words come to think of it. Lol, I have no idea how hook-ups are so I was going in very guarded and detached. I mean, I expected some cuddles and light get-to-know you small talk, but our conversations went pretty deep and I was taken aback by how much of the future he kept mentioning. It was more the kind of talk I'd expect on a date that is actually going well. Unless all of that can be a normal part of hooking up for some?
joseb Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I said casual fun for just a night, so I think it was clear it was just a one-night thing? But I'm not entirely sure I remember the exact words come to think of it. Lol, I have no idea how hook-ups are so I was going in very guarded and detached. I mean, I expected some cuddles and light get-to-know you small talk, but our conversations went pretty deep and I was taken aback by how much of the future he kept mentioning. It was more the kind of talk I'd expect on a date that is actually going well. Unless all of that can be a normal part of hooking up for some? Well, yes it can, sort of - but talking about a long term future together - no, that's definitely serious date territory! Maybe he was confused, or just realised he likes you more. Or maybe he thinks he needs to say these things?! Easiest way to find out is to have an honest talk. But before you do, know what YOU want. 1
jen1447 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 It's not a guy thing, just a person thing. Sounds like he's def into you, or at least into the concept or possibility of you, so if that doesn't square w/your hookup goals, be careful. Definitely don't mislead him bc that's a crappy thing to do to someone - guy or girl. 3
Author sv1123 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) I'd definitely like to date him. I just don't want to be getting the signs wrong here just in case he's hoping for an FWB (which I don't want) and my inexperience means I'm taking things the wrong way. How should I bring it up with him? We last texted on Tuesday fairly lightheartedly. I was sort of waiting on him to contact me again to sort of gauge him a bit better. Not to play games etc...I've just had bad experiences in the past where it's usually me that's the one to get attached too quickly. I'm trying to be careful now. Edited June 16, 2016 by sv1123
jen1447 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I'd definitely like to date him. I just don't want to be getting the signs wrong here just in case he's hoping for an FWB (which I don't want) and my inexperience means I'm taking things the wrong way. How should I bring it up with him? We last texted on Tuesday fairly lightheartedly. I was sort of waiting on him to contact me again to sort of gauge him a bit better. Not to play games etc...I've just had bad experiences in the past where it's usually me that's the one to get attached too quickly. I'm trying to be careful now. Next time he's being all cuddly, good-naturedly ask him if he likes you. If you do want to date him, why not just go with the flow?
ly399 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 you never know where things might go. One guy i dated, we started off as 'hookup'. well i went in with a goal of finding my next bf, and he wanted on string attached sex. since neither of us talked about what we want, we each just assumed the other person wanted the same stuff for awhile and things got very confusing. I agree with earlier posts, know what YOU want. communication is important. And also remember 'accidents' do happen. The guy in my story wanted casual ONS, but accidentally got attached, and even went as far as thinking about marrying me. (I broke off with him becuz we weren't right fit for long term) guys look for sex and find love 1
I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I met this guy for a hook-up on Sunday I initiated that I told him I explicitly wanted to just be a casual hook-up - I explicitly said I just wanted to have some fun for a night. He agreed. I just wanted the experience of being in the moment with somebody, exploring, as I've always been in long-term relationships. I expected never to really see him for again and was full on intending to not spend the night, although I ended up accidentally doing so. I met him and we connected very well, intellectually and emotionally. There was a lot in common. But I was still guarded, trying to make sure a boundary was set. He, on the other hand, wasn't as much. Not too long after he met me I started to feel a date-vibe off of him - he was asking a lot of questions about myself, who I was. He wanted to take me to dinner before his and I said no. (Again, wanting that boundary to be set.) I thought to myself maybe he is just one of those friendly types that would want to get to know anybody a bit better, so I didn't make too much of it. I know some people like to be a bit more intimate during hook-ups, pretending it's like a date but not really, so I brushed it off. But then we started talking even more, before and after hooking up. During the hook-up he asked me to come back, but lol, I took that as just a thing he said during a passionate moment to continue hooking up. Yet it started getting deeper, an emotional connection began to develop, and he kept mentioning the future to me... ie he wanted to learn more about my work and told me to send it to him when I get a chance and links to various articles/documentaries we had randomly spoken about, asking me detailed questions about my dreams, goals, ambitions, a course I'm about to start in a few months, where I'll be. As I told him more, he kept telling me to make sure I I see him when I take that course. (I'll be a few hours away temporarily.) He is due to take the GRE in August - I told him I already took it and got a high score. He immediately tells me I have to help him study. He was also calling me a bunch of pet names and cuddling a ton, at one point calling me "my (pet name here)" and "his (pet name" here...before quickly adding, "I mean, not like you're mine, but you know." We were both off to work in the morning but even then we were cuddling and he kind of didn't want me to leave too soon - as in obviously dragging my stay out as long as he could before we had to go. When I left, he told me to text him - probably the tenth time he said that. I did the next day (yesterday), just sending him the article as he asked (a pretty deep one related to mental health and masculinity at that), and we joked/laughed, but he was also sexual too. I didn't respond to the sexual messages, just made a joke about something and that was it. So now I'm just of wondering: am I right in thinking this guy is actually interested in dating me/has caught feelings? Or do some men act like this during hook-ups, maybe hoping the person will come back for more as an fwb thing? I mean, he's definitely sexually into me. And it was odd he told me to text him first? Also didn't full-on compliment me - which is weird because I'm used to being complimented on my appearance by random men all the time. But the other stuff made me hesitant. It was his mannerisms and body language that made it clear to me he admired my mind/who I was and I suppose looks - I don't know if he was holding back because I was casual, or it was casual for him, or god knows what. I'm not entirely opposed to dating him, but I don't want a friends with benefits/one of those in-betweens that drag on. Just a hook-up for one night or just a friend is all I can do. The in-between stuff that drags on after is just too much drama for me. Insight into the situation and what I should do would be great. I'm thinking of just leaving it. If he texts in a timely fashion and initiates then maybe go with the flow and see where it goes? Or what? First off, can we not do this? It reeks of dishonesty. Just tell the truth; you like hooking up with random men. No need to throw in some pseudo justification like it was some random one time thing. If you wanted a one-time romp, why continue the conversation with this guy? What happens when you're ready to take the next guy home? How would this guy fit into the equation? Seems like you're looking for one thing but behaving like you want the other.
Cablebandit Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 My wife was a FWB and I literally told her that i would NEVER marry her. 2
Author sv1123 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 First off, can we not do this? It reeks of dishonesty. Just tell the truth; you like hooking up with random men. No need to throw in some pseudo justification like it was some random one time thing. If you wanted a one-time romp, why continue the conversation with this guy? What happens when you're ready to take the next guy home? How would this guy fit into the equation? Seems like you're looking for one thing but behaving like you want the other. I wasn't being dishonest - just trying to paint the full picture to explain any naivete/ignorance I might have about these things. This is the first one-night-stand I've ever had in my life and first time I've ever had sex with a man that is not a boyfriend. I have no idea if I like hooking up with random men as I never have before this guy, and I have no idea what is usual or not. This experience was for me to see what it was like - something I told him before we met, which he was really understanding and sweet about. He's had far more experience with casual stuff than me. I didn't want anything with him at first. And he didn't want anything with me either - he made that abundantly clear before we met. I really meant I wanted to explore. I've only ever been in two long-term relationships before and that was years ago. I'm literally trying to break out my shell and explore after years of being quite shy and scared. But then we met and we both accidentally ended up liking each other so we continued the conversation. I would love to date and see if there's potential for monogamy, if that is something he wants with me. I also don't exactly have any plans to hook up with others any time soon. Just not wanting to. I also don't really go out a whole lot because of work, lol, so not really much of an opportunity there.
Author sv1123 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 Next time he's being all cuddly, good-naturedly ask him if he likes you. If you do want to date him, why not just go with the flow? I think I should just go with the flow, you're right. Thanks so much for your help:) 1
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Funny thing...when you are not looking...oops there it is.
ly399 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 My wife was a FWB and I literally told her that i would NEVER marry her. im interested to find out what changed? were you thinking about finding a woman to settle down with, and she was there at right place and right time, obviously with right personality. Or she actually changed your view on marriage blah blah.
katiegrl Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Sounds to me like he is really into you.... finds you extremely intriguing and challenging.... probably unlike many women he meets who aren't as cool and expect a RL after sex. So you are a definitely a challenge for that reason...and yeah that's very appealing to him and most men! (Not all men). So to answer your question, yes he wants more, probably because you DON'T.... or don't appear to... seems to work like that in many cases. What DO you want?
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