Weirdunicorn Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I have been with my boyfriend almost 2 years but my boyfriend complains all the time that he's not happy with me, he tells me that being with me, talking to me, spending time with me doesn't make him happy he needs more, if i don't do something, give him something, buy him something or do something he wants me to do he's not happy, if i do he happily spends time with me and acts really lovingly and nice, if i don't he tells me it's all my fault that i don't make him happy, he says if i really loved him i would do everything for him. I always try to do everything he wishes for but it's never enough for him or he doesn't like it and then he tells me i don't even know how to do things right that i'm useless and that i don't even know what love is. He also does this, when we argue about this, he gets mad if i try to rationaly explain to him that i don't even know what to do so he'd be happy, he storms off and doesn't come back for even a day and ignores my calls and messages but when he comes back he tells me i did nothing to make him come back to me, that i did nothing to make him happy when he was gone. this is my first relationship, i'm 21 please help me, i really love him but i don't know understand what to do so he would be satisfied with me
MrBump Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 He sounds like a complete jerk. Go and find someone nice, considerate and genuine. Nothing you've said makes me like this guy 6
CarrieT Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 The next time he storms off, don't call or text him. Just let him go and then block his number and hope you don't ever hear from again. The guy is abusive and you will find this out when you have the strength to end the relationship and find someone who is worthy of you. 10
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Hon, relationships are not suppose to be like this. Your boyfriend is controlling and manipulative. He does not enhance your life so break up with him. It's not your job to make him happy. He needs to make himself happy then share that happiness with you. A boyfriend is suppose to be loving, patient, affectionate, forgiving. If he's not all that then he is not worthy of being your boyfriend. You need to break up, your boyfriend is a borderline abuser. It will only get worse. 6
BaileyB Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 You are so young and you have much to learn about healthy relationships. You deserve to be with someone who brings good things to your life and treats you well. I would suggest you keep dating... There is better out there for you! 2
Fleur de cactus Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 You are supposed to enjoy this relationship and not being worried about what to get for him to make him happy. It sounds like you are buying his love and this not right . He is lacking maturity or he is only exploiting you. Don't encourage this kind of behavior because one day he will leave because you ran out of options. If it was me I can end this relationship since I don't see that he understands what is love. You needs some one to love you and not someone to use you. Good luck. 3
joseb Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I have been with my boyfriend almost 2 years but my boyfriend complains all the time that he's not happy with me, he tells me that being with me, talking to me, spending time with me doesn't make him happy he needs more, if i don't do something, give him something, buy him something or do something he wants me to do he's not happy, if i do he happily spends time with me and acts really lovingly and nice, if i don't he tells me it's all my fault that i don't make him happy, he says if i really loved him i would do everything for him. I always try to do everything he wishes for but it's never enough for him or he doesn't like it and then he tells me i don't even know how to do things right that i'm useless and that i don't even know what love is. He also does this, when we argue about this, he gets mad if i try to rationaly explain to him that i don't even know what to do so he'd be happy, he storms off and doesn't come back for even a day and ignores my calls and messages The bolded is the kind of crap I have had with bat shyte crazy girls. I don't put up with that for a minute anymore. If he is so unhappy with you, why doesn't he just leave? It is not your job to buy him stuff to make him happy. What planet is this guy on? You need to end this. I understand it's your first relationship, but this is not normal. 4
Author Weirdunicorn Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 Is it my fault that it's not enough for him to be happy to just be with me and spend time with me when i don't do anything bad to him when i'm always good to him? He always says it's my fault. But it is true that he's happy only when i act and talk only the way he likes it. I think i've started to realize a lot of things i didn't before, thank you for your replies.
CarrieT Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Is it my fault that it's not enough for him to be happy to just be with me and spend time with me when i don't do anything bad to him when i'm always good to him? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! He always says it's my fault. You are being abused. And you are beginning to believe what he is telling you which is very, very sad. I think i've started to realize a lot of things i didn't before, thank you for your replies. I hope you are realizing that you don't need him and will be better off without him. 2
coolheadal Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 He's Passive Aggression behavior disorder! You need to leave this guy and let he be in his own world. He's not ready for such a wonder girl like you. Do you know how many men would line-up just have someone you appreciate them as much effort you have put into this so called relationship is bust! You do not need to be called any negative name (verbal abuse) The nerve of him to keep saying he's not happy with you. Then you need to leave this guy and let him find a bad girl to be with since he such a bad boy. You need yourself a good boy to be with. 2
mortensorchid Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 He sounds miserable. It sounds like if he doesn't get his way he is angry or unhappy at all times. Is this what you want? I hope not. Dump his ass and move in so he can grow up. 2
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 This has nothing to do with you. He is just a miserable pr*%& that take pleasure in making you feel bad. He's waiting for you to dump him because he's that lazy to do it himself. GET OUT NOW. 1
BaileyB Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. What he is doing is verbally abusive to you. DONT BELIEVE HIM! Real love is a partnership of caring, kindness, love, and support for one another. Right now, you don't know what that is, and that's ok. Please, don't stay with someone who treats you badly. Talk to others who know more and help you develop the confidence and self-worth to know that you deserve so much more than what he is doing. 2
vanhalenfan Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 He sounds incredibly immature - combined with some sort of mental health issue. Next time he leaves, don't chase after him. In fact, don't even wait for that...Just leave him now. 2
Els Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Ugh, what a manchild. You can really do better, OP. Get out of there. 2
bene Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 (edited) What does he do to make you happy? What do you need to be happy? You are so consumed with what he wants but your happiness is just as important. If you have to bend over backwards and it still isn't enough then it probably never will be. You are so young, get out of this mess and enjoy your life and find someone who is happy with you as you are. Edited June 17, 2016 by bene 4
Author Weirdunicorn Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 It makes me happy when he's with me, we don't even have to do anything much just that he's with me makes me happy, when we talk and spend time with each other, when he tells me he loves me, when i see him smile that makes me really happy. I do cry a lot of times because he always tells me that i don't make him happy that i do nothing to make him happy, he's religious and he tells me he's only afraid of god and that i do everything to piss him off (it's because he's not satisfied with anything) he tells me all i do is cry and that i give him nothing, lately he doesn't want to spend time with me much and only tells me i do nothing to make him happy even if i try to do everything he wants (he tells me trying isn't enough when i don't do everything right the way he wants it), he also tells me that i make him mad, he does scream at me a lot and calls me a lot of insults. He blames me for everything, he tells me that i made him like that, that he's like that because of me that he's not that kind of person because he says i don't know how to act and talk, that i provoke him to act like this that devil makes me (he told me that few days ago), i cry and i suffer from panic attacks and anxiety so he sees me like that when we argue. Also when i say something he thinks something completely different than what i said and when i try to explain what i meant he tells me i'm a bitch that i don't know how to talk and that i do this on purpose to make him mad. I can't never explain myself to him after i say something, i feel really down after when he says that and i have panic attacks when all i do is to try to be everything to him and all i want is for him to be with me. I don't have any friends and i don't have anyone to speak about this with but this is really helping me so thank you to all that you speak to me, it helps me a lot.
kismetkismet Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Nope nope nope. This is manipulative, abusive garbage. If he can't even explain to you what it is that he needs in REASONABLE TERMS then what he is asking for is unreasonable. If he blames you for things in his life that have no logical connection to you then he is unstable. If he screams at you and insults you then he is abusive. He's keeping you anxious and afraid intentionally so that he can get what he wants from you. If he is able to be specific about some overarching problem - such as not enough time together, not enough affection - that is something that the two of you can work on then that is one thing. However being this non-specific about generally making him unhappy and saying **** like "you should know" is unbearably manipulative. Combine that with the abusive language and childish temper tantrums... You need to get out of this. You need to know that being single is ONE THOUSAND times better than being in a relationship like this even though it doesn't feel like it right now. 2
Gaeta Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 It makes me happy when he's with me, we don't even have to do anything much just that he's with me makes me happy, when we talk and spend time with each other, when he tells me he loves me, when i see him smile that makes me really happy. I do cry a lot of times because he always tells me that i don't make him happy that i do nothing to make him happy, he's religious and he tells me he's only afraid of god and that i do everything to piss him off (it's because he's not satisfied with anything) he tells me all i do is cry and that i give him nothing, lately he doesn't want to spend time with me much and only tells me i do nothing to make him happy even if i try to do everything he wants (he tells me trying isn't enough when i don't do everything right the way he wants it), he also tells me that i make him mad, he does scream at me a lot and calls me a lot of insults. He blames me for everything, he tells me that i made him like that, that he's like that because of me that he's not that kind of person because he says i don't know how to act and talk, that i provoke him to act like this that devil makes me (he told me that few days ago), i cry and i suffer from panic attacks and anxiety so he sees me like that when we argue. Also when i say something he thinks something completely different than what i said and when i try to explain what i meant he tells me i'm a bitch that i don't know how to talk and that i do this on purpose to make him mad. I can't never explain myself to him after i say something, i feel really down after when he says that and i have panic attacks when all i do is to try to be everything to him and all i want is for him to be with me. I don't have any friends and i don't have anyone to speak about this with but this is really helping me so thank you to all that you speak to me, it helps me a lot. I see NO reasons what so ever for you to love him. Lets try something. Give me a list of reasons WHY you love him? Let me give you an example. I love my boyfriend because A: He makes me feel loved and desired B: He makes me feel important and that my feelings matters C: He treats me with respect and consideration D: He helps me with anything he can and he makes sure I am safe. Now your turn...why do you love your boyfriend? 3
BaileyB Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Please, seek help! If you are not able to see his behavior as abusive then there is something really wrong. Find a counsellor, a free women's shelter, anything... There is only so much we can say, but unless and until you decide that you deserve more than this abusive behavior.... There is not much more that anyone can do to help you. 1
Author Weirdunicorn Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 I love him because of the person who he is, he does make me feel loved sometimes, he tells me really beatiful things sometimes. But he also blames me for making him abuse me, he always tells me that i make him scream, that i always make him say awful things (he puts me down a lot, he puts me down in everything how i'm when he's mad at me) to me because of the way i act and what i say. He wants me to tell him every single thing i do and even when i do he tells me i don't tell him everything that i lie, he accuses me for being with guys, talking to them, sleeping with them when i don't do anything like that, i don't talk to anyone i don't even have friends. He wants me to tell him nice things about him and i've always done it but he says i don't do it the right way or that i don't say enough and when i do tell him even more he says nothing or say that i lie, he's always negative or ignorant to it and then later tells me i don't say anything nice to him or about him. He wants me to tell him what to wear and what to do but when i do he doesn't do it. He tells me i should speak only in the right times (when he thinks it's the right time not when i think it's the right time and he never tells me when is the right time) so when i think it's the right time i do but it's never right, he also tells me i'm repetetive that i say nothing new to him, that i don't do anything new, he knows i have suffered from anxiety and it used to be really bad but it's a bit better now so he blames me that when i can't do something for him it's my fault and calls me names that i should be able to do everything for him that i should forget about everything and do it from my love because when you love you do everything for that person. He always ask me "What did you do for me? What did you do to keep me with you? What did you buy me? NOTHING!" (I did but to him it only counts if he likes it), I have to be careful with literally everything around him, i've given him everything, i've given him things i gave to no one ever but i know it's nothing to him. He says it's all my fault that i'm only a liar and a player that if i really loved him unconditionally that i would do everything for him.
katiegrl Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 It makes me happy when he's with me, we don't even have to do anything much just that he's with me makes me happy, when we talk and spend time with each other, when he tells me he loves me, when i see him smile that makes me really happy. I do cry a lot of times because he always tells me that i don't make him happy that i do nothing to make him happy, he's religious and he tells me he's only afraid of god and that i do everything to piss him off (it's because he's not satisfied with anything) he tells me all i do is cry and that i give him nothing, lately he doesn't want to spend time with me much and only tells me i do nothing to make him happy even if i try to do everything he wants (he tells me trying isn't enough when i don't do everything right the way he wants it), he also tells me that i make him mad, he does scream at me a lot and calls me a lot of insults. He blames me for everything, he tells me that i made him like that, that he's like that because of me that he's not that kind of person because he says i don't know how to act and talk, that i provoke him to act like this that devil makes me (he told me that few days ago), i cry and i suffer from panic attacks and anxiety so he sees me like that when we argue. Also when i say something he thinks something completely different than what i said and when i try to explain what i meant he tells me i'm a bitch that i don't know how to talk and that i do this on purpose to make him mad. I can't never explain myself to him after i say something, i feel really down after when he says that and i have panic attacks when all i do is to try to be everything to him and all i want is for him to be with me. I don't have any friends and i don't have anyone to speak about this with but this is really helping me so thank you to all that you speak to me, it helps me a lot. Where are your mom and dad? Or do you have any brothers or sisters? Anyone you can talk to? You need some guidance here.... you are floundering not having a clue as to how a healthy loving RL is supposed to work. NOT LIKE THIS!!! I can assure you of that. Anyway, I am actually very afraid for you because verbal, mental and emotional abuse (like what you are experiencing with your bf) often escalates into physical abuse and I would hate to see your bf get so angry at you he throws acid in your face or something equally horrific. There have actually been a few cases where a girl's bf did that to her and left her deformed for life! Not to mention the pain and anguish she is suffering. If you think I'm kidding, google abusive relationships. He exhibits all the signs and then some! Please gather up all the strength you can and leave this loser. Go to your parents or to a good friend's, or to a shelter for chrissakes. He sounds utterly horrible! And sick! 2
Author Weirdunicorn Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 Please help me i don't now what to think and how to understand this all, i don't know why he acts like this and what i do wrong and it's been making me so miserable.
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