JohnsonBaby Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) I went out a couple of times with a guy ,he s 50 used to be a business and home owner and lost it all making an irresponsible "emotional" decision . He now rents an apartment he shares with a friend . We had 3 dates but he keeps saying he never felt so good with anyone and he loves my personality and Intelligence on top of my looks . We did have good chemistry and great conversations so I don't doubt he felt that way . He calls me several times a day ,tells me constantly that he feels he s gonna fall in love with me and that if we don't end up together "there s something wrong":confused: . He s very intense and often fishes for compliments ,for instance he would OFTEN say "how did you feel when I said/did this " He constantly says how amazing I am and give me lengthy description as to why,none of which are superficial ,which shows he s paying attention to what I say. He s been single for 5 years and claims women are Too materialistic . he claims our chemistry is so strong and he feels so lucky to have me in his life (*gasp!*) He has road rage issues which lead me to believe he has some underlying anger issues .(never got in his car could hear him several times cursing people out over the phone) I mentioned me being single during a phone conversation and he Reacted by jokingly saying "should I hang up then " "should I just leave you alone". He s very touchy feely and held my hand to cross the road on our first date (which I hate) If at first I thought he was charming I now feel he's totally desperate . Edited June 15, 2016 by JohnsonBaby
xUnknown Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Maybe this is just his personality, maybe he's desperate. Tell him what's on your mind. Tell him you enjoy his time and company but he needs to slow down and cool it.
Author JohnsonBaby Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 Maybe this is just his personality, maybe he's desperate. Tell him what's on your mind. Tell him you enjoy his time and company but he needs to slow down and cool it. Yeah but based on what I wrote how do you perceive him?
Versacehottie Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 My guess it's a little of both. Somewhat his personality and somewhat desperate. You alluded to bad financial decision based on emotion that destroyed his business, lost his home. Well, that tells you this guy does lead with his emotions, even recklessly. Same with the road rage. Expect more of the same. I think it comes off fake and yes desperate when a guy is overdoing it like yours is. Pretty much a turnoff. It's not reciprocated in same way by you yet by what you have wrote so he lacks the understanding to control and pull back to make you comfortable; he just tries harder. A sign of someone who is acting a bit immaturely and is impulsive. Expect more of the same. So yeah, it's personality AND desperation. It's not attractive or appealing. He could be so lost that he is trying to find purpose through getting you. You could be out of his league or how he perceives his current league due to his setbacks. I'm going to guess though if you find out more about his history, this is pattern that has probably been there throughout most of it. At a certain point, it doesn't make too much sense to keep trying to figure out his reasons, just figure out what you want to do. And if this behavior is FOR you or NOT FOR you. To me, it looks like red flags. 1
kendahke Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I think to each his/her own. For me, he doesn't sound desperate or needy--he sounds like a man who is able to articulate his feelings, but he's doing it with someone who isn't interested in what he feels about her or anything else. He appears to like you and is impressed by you more than you are him and that's why it's a problem for you. What kind of a man are you used to dealing with? One you have to pry information out of? It just sounds like you two are not on the same page and you probably should stop wasting his time and yours. He's not what you want, so move on. 1
misspond Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 He calls me several times a day ,tells me constantly that he feels he s gonna fall in love with me and that if we don't end up together "there s something wrong":confused: . He s very intense and often fishes for compliments ,for instance he would OFTEN say "how did you feel when I said/did this " Based on him being 50 years old, and what I've quoted above.....run! Seriously, cut loose now. 2
kendahke Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 OP--how old are you? In your late 40's or 50's, too?
BaileyB Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I will only date people who are independent and this guy would really creep me out. But, to each their own.
Author JohnsonBaby Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) OP--how old are you? In your late 40's or 50's, too? I m 34 .. To answer your previous question ,i m used to men treating me nicely and being attentive ,what concerns me about him is the fact that he seems a bit too intense considering we only went out twice ..its been Only 2 weeks ... Edited June 15, 2016 by JohnsonBaby
Versacehottie Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I m 34 .. To answer your previous question ,i m used to men treating me nicely and being attentive ,what concerns me about him is the fact that he seems a bit too intense considering we only went out twice ..its been Only 2 weeks ... My guess is that a huge part of the reason is that he is hot and bothered because you are a decent amount younger than him. He is substituting failure in rest of his life with his ability to obtain you. You've opened the door enough that he feels like he has a chance so he is pushing hard. His desire to obtain you isn't wholly about you--which is why it feels desperate and different than the other guys. I don't think most age differences are a big deal but you have to see things in context and as a whole. I also think when there is an age difference (of some substantive nature) that the relationship still proceeds as if there is virtually no age difference--that would be the measure of it just being "normal" in spite of age considerations. Make sense? Before you told us your age, I could have guessed this is exactly what was going on and that you were going to say much younger than him (like 10-15 years). Guessing you represent his ability to still "have it". He may like you as well, of course but is acting out all his insecure stuff within the guise of a relationship. I would still not date him as he has proven he has little impulse control. OR you can ask him to slow down. Both for your comfort and as a test. If you want to see what the future with him would be like, I would advise doing this. A guy (or girl) with no impulse control, will basically not be able to sustain that, let's say, if you ask him to slow down for about 2 weeks to a month. They will usually implode with some outburst or declaration or otherwise unstable behavior. Good luck 2
Kofybean Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I m 34 .. To answer your previous question ,i m used to men treating me nicely and being attentive ,what concerns me about him is the fact that he seems a bit too intense considering we only went out twice ..its been Only 2 weeks ... What exactly do you want him to do? You seem like you are trying to lead a response, what is it you want from this situation?
Space Ritual Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I went out a couple of times with a guy ,he s 50 used to be a business and home owner and lost it all making an irresponsible "emotional" decision . He now rents an apartment he shares with a friend . We had 3 dates but he keeps saying he never felt so good with anyone and he loves my personality and Intelligence on top of my looks . We did have good chemistry and great conversations so I don't doubt he felt that way . He calls me several times a day ,tells me constantly that he feels he s gonna fall in love with me and that if we don't end up together "there s something wrong":confused: . He s very intense and often fishes for compliments ,for instance he would OFTEN say "how did you feel when I said/did this " He constantly says how amazing I am and give me lengthy description as to why,none of which are superficial ,which shows he s paying attention to what I say. He s been single for 5 years and claims women are Too materialistic . he claims our chemistry is so strong and he feels so lucky to have me in his life (*gasp!*) He has road rage issues which lead me to believe he has some underlying anger issues .(never got in his car could hear him several times cursing people out over the phone) I mentioned me being single during a phone conversation and he Reacted by jokingly saying "should I hang up then " "should I just leave you alone". He s very touchy feely and held my hand to cross the road on our first date (which I hate) If at first I thought he was charming I now feel he's totally desperate . You would have hit the nail on the head. I am Fifty One so I know how traumatic hitting middle age can be for some of us. A little less hair than we used to have, a little more of a belly... don't get the looks from the young hot women we used to....I know how it feels. lol. Some of us accept it, some have to go kicking and screaming. That being said, this guy sounds like someone who has probably is really insecure about middle age and may be reaching the threshold of cynic when it comes to women. Generally there is a reason that we are single when we hit that mark. I still date women much younger than myself but I am also very realistic about it in that eventually the age difference and divergent interests will make any hopes of anything long term and fruitful a stretch at best. So I have as much fun as I can and when it ends I don't take it too hard. I have had fun and been lucky in that regard. From what you describe I would say this guy sees you as his last chance so he may already be about to put you on some sort of pedestal. So with that comes a word of warning that if you are not into the situation, to let him down gently. Some guys in my age group that have the feeling of having that last door shut on them turn into instant lunatics...Think Michael Douglas in the movie "Falling Down". So be careful in how you handle it, especially if you know he has anger issues.
Dark Horse Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) Well I will say one thing, it sucks to be lonely at any age. Loneliness can make you do some crazy things, it can **** with your brain. Men and women were never wired to operate on loneliness, and friendship and family love can only fulfill so much in your life. Don't get me wrong it's great to have a strong network of friends and a loving family but you often feel like there's something missing if you don't have an intimate partner. I feel sorry for the 30-40 year old virgins because they've gone so long without ever experiencing love and intimacy and to experience the touch of another man or woman, body to body and to be loved in return. People should be happy they even had a boyfriend/girlfriend and not take it for granted even if it went to sht. Because at least you got to experience what it's like. You got to know what it was like to love and be loved in return, not everybody will experience this in life. That's the sad truth, then again life isn't fair. The people who wait longer to find love will appreciate it more, not take it for granted. I certainly won't take it for granted when I finally do. Dark Horse out Edited June 16, 2016 by Dark Horse
GemmaUK Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 2 weeks and he is behaving like this? I would run - in fact I do run when guys are like this. 2
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