summersolstice Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) I started seeing this guy again after not communicated with him for almost 2 years. The first time we started seeing each other, he said he wanted a serious relationship but his actions said otherwise to me. Things were just moving too fast. We did fool around once, which made me feel like we were starting off on the wrong foot considering a relationship wasn't established first. I told him how I felt about it and he claimed sex wasn't the only thing he was looking for but his actions said otherwise. I chose to call it quits. He called and texted my phone constantly after that, trying to convince me to give it another chance but I moved on and I'm assuming he did also. Fast forward...we recently started talking again after he texted me one day. At this point, I'm thinking maybe I overreacted and judged him too quickly. I figured surely if this guy was only trying to get into my pants, he wouldn't be trying so hard to keep in touch with me, especially after I dumped him (it has been almost 2 years at this point and he has been attempting to contact me off and on the entire time). I thought maybe I was just being silly and insecure so I figured we'd give it another shot. One day, I happened to see him listed as someone I might know on Facebook so I added him, he accepted of course. Keep in mind, we'd been talking for a while before this took place. He didn't come off as a player from what I could see on his page, not a whole lot of girls flirting with him on there. I really started thinking that I probably jumped the gun on him and that he really was a good guy. I even invited him to come out with my friends and family soon..I NEVER do that. Well, I went to visit my best friend a couple days ago. We were just having small talk and she mentions that she has been receiving a lot of friend requests on Facebook lately and she didn't know who any of the people were. She let me see the list of people and surprise, surprise...one of the recent adds just so happens to be the guy I'm currently seeing. I immediately pointed him out as the one I told her about (she never knew his name or how he looked before). Smh I"m sorry but it's a red flag to me when a guy I'm seeing has never met any of my friends but will go out of the way to send one (or more) of them a friend request on Facebook behind my back. And he can't lie and say he didn't know we were friends because me and her pictures tagged and posted all over each other's pages. Am I just being petty with this? Maybe I'm being silly, I don't know, but it truly bothers me. It has never crossed my mind to scope out the friends of a guy I was involved with. I didn't even view his friend's pages, why would I do that unless I'm still looking? I don't think he is serious about me and if he isn't, why has he been bothering me for so long????? I rather he had never attempted to speak to me again because I was doing just fine before. My friend hasn't mentioned anything about my him making any attempts to contact her..maybe she just decided not to tell me? After I told her everything, she did agree that I shouldn't trust him. I haven't spoken to him about it yet and I don't even think I'm going to bother because I rather not hear lies. Any Thoughts? Edited June 15, 2016 by summersolstice too long
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 "he said he wanted a serious relationship but his actions said otherwise to me". This should have been the dealbreaker the first time....what are you doing seeing him again???? He's already acting inappropriately, by adding your friends on FB. I say keep away from him...if it doesn't feel right, that's because it's not!! 1
Yookie Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 1. You were right the first time.Trust your instincts. 2. Make your friends list private. No one will be able to see your friends unless they are mutual. 1
hippychick3 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Always move forward. It's almost never a good idea to go back to the same person again. There was a reason for it to end at that time. Leave it to rest and don't try to rewrite history. 1
Cinnamonstix Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 It's quite possible that he was looking through your photos, clicked on your friend's profile and accidentally clicked the add button. With smart phones, it's easy to press the wrong thing. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Hmmm, i would probably say something to him (well worded which you can figure out here on this thread if you want). It could be possible that you are jumping the gun again (i know it doesn't look good but talking to him about it ensures that you will at least get more clarity). Secondly, I agree with whoever said above, in future just switch all your friends to private. It can be shocking what people will do trying to use your network of people (i've seen a variety of things that are frankly, kinda ugly). Probably won't be first or last time it happens. Just nip in the bud by making friends private--causes way less problems anyway. And to call people out on somewhat shady or possibly shady but in a grey zone area, just makes you look petty which is what they count on. Needless to say there's no way to know what his intentions are (and they could be less harmless than it appears) until you talk to him more. Even if you end up dropping him, it' s good to stand up for yourself. Better than just cutting people off due to assumptions. Good luck 1
kendahke Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 It's quite possible that he was looking through your photos, clicked on your friend's profile and accidentally clicked the add button. With smart phones, it's easy to press the wrong thing. I agree with this assessment... you don't know the facts of how this came about and since he hasn't been peppering her with messages, what Ciinnamonstix said sounds as if that's probably the case. But yeah, when you accept friend requests, all of that information becomes shared unless you've gone in an paid attention to what your settings are.
TXGuy Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I don't know what his intentions are, but if you are looking for another harmless excuse for him adding your friend, here is one: When you accepted his friend request, FB's algorithm will add some of your FB friends to the 'people you may know' screen of your guy who you added. Some people just harmlessly collect FB friends. If he has hundreds of other FB friends, I wouldn't get too concerned. If he has just a few, then it is more suspicious. 2
joseb Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I don't know what his intentions are, but if you are looking for another harmless excuse for him adding your friend, here is one: When you accepted his friend request, FB's algorithm will add some of your FB friends to the 'people you may know' screen of your guy who you added. Some people just harmlessly collect FB friends. If he has hundreds of other FB friends, I wouldn't get too concerned. If he has just a few, then it is more suspicious. Yip, I know a guy who collects as many friends on FB and linkedin as possible. Anyone he can friend request he does. Not sure why, seems silly. He isn't doing it to hit them up or anything - male female, doesn't care. And yeah make your friends list private if you don't want people adding them through you. Personally I don't add women I might date in the first place. What was it about his actions first time that made you think he wasnt looking for a relationship? Was he seeing others at the time? 1
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