hhastings17 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I've been dating a guy for the past 4/5 months. I have developed pretty strong feelings for him, and he has with me as well. He owns his own house and currently has two roommates, one of which is his close friend that just got orders to move states away (military) at the end of the Summer. My boyfriend has made several comments lately about how he needs to find someone else to move in to take the friends room and share of the rent. I still live at home due to going to school, etc. However I've been looking for a place and just haven't found one that works for me. I've been torn between telling him that I would move in or just not mentioning it at all. Apart of me sees it as an opportunity because he needs someone to move in, and I need a place (an of course I wouldn't mind living with him), but I don't want him to be put off and think I'm trying to rush our relationship. I know that even if he did want me to move in, it would take a lot for him to say it. We have a lot of the same hygiene and tidiness habits so I'm not worried about any of that. Anyway, S I don't know if i should just throw it out there as an idea? Just tell him that if he can't find anyone that I would be interested (and obviously we would have to discuss expecations, etc.)? Or leave it alone? thanks for the help!
CarrieT Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 At 4 to 5 months, you are still in the honeymoon period so all is rosy. I *heartily* recommend not living with someone until you have known them through all four seasons - at least a year - to see if the relationship actually has staying power. 4
Gaeta Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 * moving in at 4-5 months is a great risk for your relationship * moving in for reasons other then being together like for financial reasons is also highly risky. I say if you value this relationship forget about moving in with him until the day you both want to move in together to be a couple, not room-mates. 2
pteromom Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Nope - too early! You are still getting to know each other. If you are still together at a year, you can start talking about the possibility...but really, I would wait 18 months. 1
blackcat777 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) I moved in with my boyfriend at the two year mark because we both had a bunch of crazy, unexpected external pressures... and while I thought I knew him pretty well... it still made me really nervous. We never actually had a fight before moving in together and there was a huge learning curve. My last cohabitation ended terribly and it was like going through a divorce. Getting totally enmeshed with someone isn't easy to undo. I lost custody of my two cats. There was no way to move them both home with me across the country at that time of year (flying with pet regulations) and I couldn't bear to split them up so he kept them and it ripped my heart out. If the relationship goes south, you're stuck riding out that lease. I'd say it's just not worth it... unless you've both spent a few years together and (IMHO) your mutual goal is marriage (or some matching version of the sort). You need to see what's left between you after that honeymoon sparkle wears off before you sign any papers. If it's nothing but good things, then go for it (it will still be challenging). If it's mediocre or worse... don't put yourself in front of that bullet. Edited June 15, 2016 by blackcat777 1
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 NO! do not move in with him. You barley know the guy. You move in on the premise of getting engaged / married or at least a solid planned future. If you move in all you will be is a mortgage helper. Save your money, stay at home until you have some financial backing to pay off loans and get a decent job. By then if everything goes well then you both can work together on the future. If things don't work out at least you will not have to go through the stress of finding a place to live on short notice. IMO you should let his roomies help pay the mortgage for him. It's HIS place not "ours" so you are going to have struggles, argument, etc over food, cleaning/chores, with other people....it's gonna suck for privacy too.
Els Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 4-5 months is rather too early IMO. I think you should look for another place first. I'd wait a year before cohabitating personally.
joseb Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I'm.with everyone else. Although it might seem like a good idea, especially if you spend a lot of time there already, once you move in things will change. It's too early, and moving in should be for the right reason.
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