Sammy210 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) Back story, ex broke up with my in April, was contacted by a girl telling me that he'd spent all night flirting with him on social media. Asked him about it, he disappeared, NC for nearly 3 weeks. Back in touch, met up, hooked up, he backed off, NC started again, he initiated contact before my vacation, then various times while I was away. Met up again when I returned, hooked up again. But this time I had the 'I still love you'. I then get a message on Saturday from a girl he'd been chatting to on POF telling me that he's been less than complimentary about me. Fine, whatever. Ignore that message. Numerous messages on Sunday, I ask him if he's bitched about me, not heard from him since. Monday, I think fine, back to NC. I then get a message from ANOTHER girl, telling me that he's never found me attractive, my kids were a huge turn off (I'm 36, he's 39) he has his own, why want mine, AND they've wrecked my body, I emotionally blackmailed him into seeing me. Basically every worry I have about dating as a single parent highlighted. I'm still heartbroken that he's said these things, I don't know if he has though because he's disappeared. The connection I had with him I've never had before. I'm sad,and I'm so worried about even the thought of dating again because every flaw I worry about with my body (stretch marks in particular after carrying twins) he's made me feel 100 times worse about. I've never been so insecure about myself, my kids are 11,9&9. I'm trying to teach my girls to love themselves for who they are, but I can't take my own advise. Edited June 15, 2016 by Sammy210 Spelling 1
PegNosePete Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Why do you care about the opinion of a cheating jackass? And why on earth did you keep taking him back when he was treating you like dirt? 5
keiji Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Why are three women you don't know contacting you to bitch about him? Isn't that a bit weird? 2
anika99 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 The first step towards loving yourself would be to lose this loser. You think you have a special connection with this guy? This 39yr old child who routinely just disappears on you for weeks at a time. I don't understand why you even allow that. Sounds like he's got you set up as his free call girl. You come running whenever he wants you for a roll in the hay and then you cease to exist until he wants you again. I also don't understand these other women contacting you. How are they even doing that? Is he giving them your contact information? They seem to relish telling you things that will hurt you. He's a loser who surrounds himself with losers. What the hell are you doing with this guy? Just the fact that's he's active on POF should be a huge turn off. If you want to be a good mom you will not allow this kind of drama into your life. 3
Author Sammy210 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 Why are three women you don't know contacting you to bitch about him? Isn't that a bit weird? They're telling me what he's said about me! 1
Author Sammy210 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 Why do you care about the opinion of a cheating jackass? And why on earth did you keep taking him back when he was treating you like dirt? I shouldn't care, but he's highlighted everyone of my worries, everything that worried me about my body he's apparently told other women. I'm no supermodel, but he did make me feel good 'I love the bits about yourself you hate enough so it balances it all out'. 1
keiji Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 They're telling me what he's said about me! Yes, but still, why are three strangers worrying about you? Are you sure those women truly exist? How did they get your contact info? 2
Author Sammy210 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 Yes, but still, why are three strangers worrying about you? Are you sure those women truly exist? How did they get your contact info? I don't know. I don't know these women, they've got in touch on Twitter. He's a soccer player, relatively well known. thousands of Twitter followers. My account has been closed now, but I'm dreading everytime my phone beeps incase it's one of them. 1
whatnot Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) I finally began to see a pattern. Communication with my ex always left me feeling worse about my self, more anxious and confused. There was no rationality. There were double meanings and mixed messages. It finally got so bad that I would have a panic attack just seeing the text before I even opened it because I knew how badly reading it was going to make me feel. I knew the goal posts were going to be moved...yet again. But...if I could only get her to see...to speak coherently. (Anyone can speak coherently, "right?"...but no). But it was like an addiction. And as with any addiction if I saw it I had to have it no matter the consequences. That's when I began to realize (again, as with any addiction) that I couldn't "dabble". I had to quit....cold turkey....no weaning off...completely no contact. I realized it wasn't going to ever be as it had been the previous 7 years. It was gone. She was gone. Never to return. And that's when I went no contact for real. It's difficult. But it's also a relief. Try it. Not to get him back. It's not about him, it's about ending your own pain. It may get worse before it gets better. It will probably get worse before it gets better. But there's no other way around, over or under it. You have to go through it . I'm so sorry you're having to endure this. Good luck. Edit: I felt the way you're feeling 2 years into this 7 year relationship. I can remember telling my sister, "I'm scared that the George (screen name) I was before i met this person is gone forever. My innocence is gone. I'm scared I will never be able to see people in a good light again as I did before I met this person. I'm scared I will always be distrustful of others. I'm scared. I'm scared I'm the person she's always telling me I am. A liar. A person with no character. A weak man. Not as good as her past lovers. Other women are all *****s. Am I really as bad as she's telling me (convincing me) I am? Is the world this bad a place? I don't even recognize who I am any longer. And I'm afraid the person, and the world, I knew before I met her is forever gone. And...i want him back! I want to view the world as a safe place again!" Once...as I was coming out of a store and saw my car...i was SHOCKED at not seeing 5 women waiting for me in my car. My car was empty. Then...i realized...so is my phone of any woman to call. Such is the power of brainwashing. I had never been unfaithful to my ex wife of 12 years. I had never been unfaithful to this woman in any way. She was 100% paranoid. (In her defense, she'd been in a 13 year marriage, 15 years prior to us, where her husband cheated constantly and physically abused her). That stuff rubs off on people. No woman had ever accused me of cheating before (they'd probably tell you that was the only thing i did right!) Your guy is rubbing off on you. You're not going to change this. No contact is the only way out. I'm sorry. Edited June 15, 2016 by whatnot 1
Amy4663 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know that there have been times when I have been very critical and insecure about myself but then I have to remember that God loves me, and he made me beautiful. You are an amazing woman who has had children and there is definitely a man out there who will appreciate the evidence of that. If you feel the insecurity is an issue, have you tried getting some counseling. Sometimes it is good just to have someone to talk our feelings out with and many times you can find it free through the local church. Also, this may be an opportunity to help you through your breakup. I am praying for nothing but the best for you! 1
Satu Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Until you fully engage real NC, you'll continue to get hurt. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. 1
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