spmh1017 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Almost a year in and Ive been keeping a huge secret..a secret Ive kept from every woman Ive dated (relationships never get past 3 months) I'm not sure how to break it, not sure if its something she can be angry with me about, I scared and can guess it may end us..or at least knock her attraction to me down.. So here it is.. I'm 37 and at 30 I had all my top teeth removed and now where a denture. When I was teen I skateboarded my face into the pavement and had implants put in. 15 years later and problems with an infection made me opt to have them ripped out. The people who know arent many..I dont tell people. People who do know (like my best friend) say they forget. So, when my GF comes over or guest I have a small shoebox I place my adhesive, cleaning container, cleaning solution and special brush then stick under the sink. I havent used my tongue in kissing since my wife (since she knew and we where together from 19-35) Im always in a panic Ill be found out, embarassed. Every woman Ive dated has always been very obsessed with teeth. Talking about a guy they dated with bad teeth, joking about someone they encountered miss them etc.. Great teeth are a big deal to every woman I meet and when they talk about them like they do it makes me get anxiety and pushes me back from wanting to be honest. So now..I have to tell her..I just have to. I dont know..do I text it? Say it in person? Am I a liar? Would you be angry? Does she have the right to be angry with me? Have I been deceitful? Im sick with fear cause I know this must be the week I do. I cant keep this secret inside any longer. I can feel the flood of embarrassment before Ive even said a word..
Lobe Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. It's a great "battle" story and I'm pretty sure that any girl who was so superficial she would dump you over dentures ain't worth keeping around anyways. 6
todreaminblue Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 it honestly shouldn't make a difference.....dont feel anxious about it...you wife married you with implants...... i have full dentures and when i was with my most recent ex.....he wasnt aware i had dentures(and we had tongue action)till i went swimming in wild surf and lost the top ones when i got hammered by a wave...ate sand i did....and my teeth went somewhere into the deep blue...thats when he told me he didnt even know...and i didnt really hide it.......then the jokes started about chasing sea gulls to see which one had my smile......walked up and down the beach for a long time looking for my teeth and sea gulls..... if a woman truly cares for you.....all that matters is ....being with you....regardless of whether you pull your teeth out at night or not....... dont be down on yourself because you have dentures.... word fro the wise....do not swim at a beach called dead mans beach.....with dentures.....the waves...are out of this world.....not denture friendly for sure...:0)..deb.. 2
Sabella Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 You should just tell her. I know you are anxious about it, but if she cares about you it won't be a deal breaker. Explain it like you did right here in this forum. Poor dental hygiene and not taking care of your teeth, which causes them to fall out of your mouth is hugely different than an accident. I think that's what most women would care about. 3
fands Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Great teeth are a big deal to every woman I meet and I think you may be...just maybe...taking any of the sentences that contain the word "teeth", and amplifying them back into your memory as "TEETH!" Unless you are dating dentists exclusively, which isn't a bad thing. If it wasn't teeth (sorry, TEETH!), then it would be something else. You can't change the past, and this is eating you up inside (bad pun, I know). In future you might like to make a point of bringing it up earlier, rather than later, to ease the weight of future anxiety this is causing. I am confident you will be accepted for who you are. Bottom teeth, and all. Otherwise it's not really love, is it. And fake love isn't necessarily better than no love. Your secret is probably 1 on a scale from 2 to 10 (where 10 is a juicy Wikileak). Not that I am trying to say it isn't a big deal to you, but there are many substantial trials in life, and if love can't surmount this one, then we're all in serious trouble. I hate flossing, so I kind of envy you. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I think you may be...just maybe...taking any of the sentences that contain the word "teeth", and amplifying them back into your memory as "TEETH!" Unless you are dating dentists exclusively, which isn't a bad thing. If it wasn't teeth (sorry, TEETH!), then it would be something else. You can't change the past, and this is eating you up inside (bad pun, I know). In future you might like to make a point of bringing it up earlier, rather than later, to ease the weight of future anxiety this is causing. I am confident you will be accepted for who you are. Bottom teeth, and all. Otherwise it's not really love, is it. And fake love isn't necessarily better than no love. Your secret is probably 1 on a scale from 2 to 10 (where 10 is a juicy Wikileak). Not that I am trying to say it isn't a big deal to you, but there are many substantial trials in life, and if love can't surmount this one, then we're all in serious trouble. I hate flossing, so I kind of envy you. you really are quite funny....smilin..and very wise...lol...ok now imma laughing at a computer screen...im out....deb
todreaminblue Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 That's kind of you to say, but a little too much praise. I'm more like quiet funny, where you think about laughing but then decide it just isn't worth the energy. thats the best type of funny...smilin.because i actually have zero energy at the moment...adn you made me laugh...and i actually needed a laugh ...so you dont like praise huh....ill add a you truly suck for good measure then....dont mean it....but ill add it to make you feel at ease.....:0)....deb 2
todreaminblue Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 lol @ fands.... yes op i hope that our attempt at funny hasnt made light of your situation though.....i am a gum person myself when i take my teeth out...hasnt stopped me kissing(with teeth in)..hasnt stopped me from dating.....because i can often laugh at myself...and laffin is sexeeeh or so i have been told..... sometimes honestly though...laughter is the best medicine...it lightens the mood.....and if you go into a talk all anxious and scared you will be rejected.....it makes a big deal out of a situation that doesnt need to be a big deal......food for thought......anyway...i wish you well..... 1
Dis Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I understand you apprehension hun. I recently had to tell my boyfriend of 2 months something that was difficult to reveal....I was very scared to bring it up I think you're building this up in your mind to be this massive horrible issue...when its not at all You lost your teeth because of an accident...its the same thing as someone losing a finger or an arm in an accident...its not like you chose not to brush your teeth for 10 years and they fell out If your gf really cares about you and likes you for who you are, you will be met with compassion and she wont care....when I told my bf about my issue he was very understanding because he accepts me and loves me for who I am...I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at your gf's reaction to this If this turns out to be a deal breaker for her (I highly doubt it will be) then she's not worth your time I wouldnt put this off too much longer or you'll start to drive yourself nuts over thinking things Go ahead and tell her....be confident when you do and I'm sure you'll be relieved and surprised by her reaction because this really isnt a big issue and she cares about you....not your teeth or lack there of 1
Sweetgirl28 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I don't think this is a big deal at all. I would make a couple of jokes about it, tops. Nothing mean, just playful jokes.
Toodaloo Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 OP. You really are making a massive thing out of this. I have a secret too... I have a brain injury which makes me muddle things up. Example is I will ask for cucumber when I want lettuce etc... OK so some will get all silly about it but that is THEIR problem NOT yours! I am honest about it and when time is right I tell them. Mostly people who know me forget and when I have one of my moments they just call me "dappy" and take the piddle out of me. Be proud of who you are. Warts and all. Perfection is mighty boring. All the best people have quirks and things about them. You could have so much fun with false teeth too! Oh my days the pranks you could pull...!!! Enjoy life and for goodness sake start kissing properly again! There is nothing better than a good snogging session!
BaileyB Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 It would not bother me in the slightest! I would only feel badly that you were so self conscious, you were reluctant to share this information. I have a friend who lost her two front teeth to a golf club when we were kids. It hasn't bothered her in the slightest. Be brave and tell her. I think you will be surprised by the response... Because anyone who cares for you should not be bothered by this. Everyone has something they are self conscious about... There could be so many worse things/secrets to keep! Good luck! 1
Lorenza Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Not a big deal at all! We all are broken and patched up, some mentally, some physically. Embrace what that little daredevil (aka the 15 year-old you) did and accept your history. I guarantee that no loving gf could ever be bothered by that
blackcat777 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 (edited) Not a huge deal. My dad lost his two front teeth early in some kind of epic scuffle with his brother. He has falsies, and you'd never know. He never had any trouble with the ladies. This wouldn't phase me at all. If a girl has a problem, dump her. There's a difference between bad hygiene and circumstances beyond your control. If I said I don't like "bad teeth," I would mean something that has to be the end result of clearly poor hygiene and bad lifestyle choices. I'm sure most people would mean the same. I ALWAYS brushed my teeth and still have a small "soda cavity" in the front of my mouth. I don't even drink soda! Everybody has a few cavities, and dental integrity has a lot to do with the mineral content of our great grandmother's diets... so. So much of what happens with our teeth is out of our control. All you can do it work with what you've got. Kick anyone to the curb who gives you trouble because I'm positive they're not perfect either! Edited June 15, 2016 by blackcat777
Recommended Posts