jeff13005 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year but have known each other for about 6 years. A while ago she wanted to go out and I was with my daughter and could not go. So she went out with one of her guy friends from out of town and stayed at his house. She did call me that night but claimed the next day she was black out drunk that night and could not remember much. A month after that another guy friend was in town and she wanted to see him, I also had my daughter that night so I could not go. She called me to pick her up from the bar and when i got there they were very close together, almost sitting on his lap. When she saw she started to come by me and he went to grab her. When I tried talking to her about it the next day she again claimed she did not remember. I told her I was uncomfortable with it and she said she would not do it again. Now the other night the same situation where she wanted to go out and i had my daughter. I told her i would prefer her not to, but she went by her guy friend out of town, got drunk and stayed at his house because she could not drive. She says its fine and that there is nothing there but she is very attractive and the guy is single so that worries me. I have asked why we all cant hang out and conveniently something always comes up with him. Wondering what other people thought about this situation? 1
mortensorchid Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Well ... It sounds like you don't trust the situation. I don't know this woman save for the information you have put into this post, so do you have reason not to trust her? Do you know the guy friend, and if so do you have reason not to trust him either? What's wrong with Lyfting it home if she's too drunk to drive home like a lot of others out there? I hope she's not cheating on you, but you doubt. Flat out ask her and let her give the answer she is going to give. I hope she's not, like I hope no one is cheating on anyone and no one is hurting anyone out there. But ... You doubt. 1
kgcolonel Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 flip the cards....make plans with one of your female friends and get a take on her reaction.....this really doesn't sound as if it's working for you. Are you certain that this is the best you can do...she may be an awesome lady but possibly for someone else. Sounds like you two have very different ideas of boundaries and respect. Think about it.... 2
Author jeff13005 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 I do not know the guy friend because something always comes up on his end when we were all supposed to hang out. As far as not trusting her, when we first started dating i found out she was talking to and went to hang out with her ex. Her reason for not finding a ride home was because it was out of town. My response to that was she should not have put herself in that situation 1
Author jeff13005 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 I wish i did have a female friend I could go out with to see how she would react but I dont have any that are able to get out much. After the last time I did go out the next night with a guy friend and told her i wasnt going to talk to her that night. She came to town and went to the bars looking for me and showed up at my house at like 2am 1
Satu Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 1. 'Blackout drunk.' Red flag. 2. 'Almost sitting in his lap.' Red flag. 3. 'He went to grab her.' Red flag. 4. 'Claimed she didn't remember.' Red flag. 5. 'I told her i would prefer her not to, but she went by her guy friend out of town, got drunk and stayed at his house.' Red flag. 6. Often wants to go out with other guys when you have you daughter. RED FLAG. She's so shady that it's gone dark. 11
kgcolonel Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Next time (and there will be a next time) you encounter the situation, before they see you, take a pic with your phone. when she "claims" that she doesn't remember, send her the pic and tell her that you sure do.... Make a Guys night out more often...did you mention that she lives in a different town? 1
Satu Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 It's also clear that she has a drink problem of the binge drinking kind. 5
Raena Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 How often does she drink? It sounds like she's out getting drunk to the point of oblivion pretty often. That is just as concerning as the fact that she's doing it with another man without you. It does seem like you are on different paths right now. She's out drinking at the bars and you are being a responsible parent. Those two lifestyles don't mix well. She sounds young and irresponsible. Are you sure this is someone you want around your child? 2
Author jeff13005 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 she does live about 15 min outside of town and just bought a house thats about 30 min outside of town but about a block away from my work. We used to go out often but I just have so much to do now when i dont have my daughter that i cant. 1
kendahke Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 You need to figure out if you're OK with your girlfriend going out with other guys, getting blotto then either going home with them to sleep with them or calling you to come get her drunk behind from the bar. And it's no coincidence that you have your daughter every time she goes out drinking. She plans it that way. 3
Author jeff13005 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 Its just confusing because she wants to be over just about every night (when she doesnt go out) and she is great with my daughter. I think i know what to do but its not always easiest and i wanted some other peoples opinions on it. 1
Author jeff13005 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 I very much appreciate everyone's replies, thank you! 1
Jabron1 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) It's the behaviour of a plate, not a serious girlfriend. Plate her, or just break up with her. Problem solved. Edited June 14, 2016 by Jabron1 5
kendahke Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Its just confusing because she wants to be over just about every night (when she doesnt go out) and she is great with my daughter. I think i know what to do but its not always easiest and i wanted some other peoples opinions on it. What do YOU want? I mean, so what if she wants to be over just about every night? "No" is the first word every human knows the meaning of by the age of 18 months. You tell her "no, dont' come over" and if she shows up, you call the police. You're so afraid of her reaction when frankly, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. I wouldn't allow someone around my child who gets so messily drunk that she can't remember sitting on some guy's lap or him putting his hands on her to make her stay. My child wouldn't be anywhere near them forming an emotional bond--I don't care how good she is with her. She needs to go dry out and she needs some therapy or rehab for her drinking problem--which she has. 2
Space Ritual Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 It's not rocket science, She has boundary issues, she is not worth the time. Life is too short. Get rid of her. 2
Jabron1 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 What does plate mean? It means you stop taking her seriously. You just date her for fun. I don't care very much if a plate is getting drunk with a random guy in a pub if you catch my drift. Some guys don't seem to be this way inclined. So, you'll have to just dump her in that case. She ain't girlfriend material, and is going to cause you endless bother. 2
joseb Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I would be shocked if she is not banging these guys. Unless you are happy with an open relationship, and I'm not sure that's great with a kid around, I'd be dumping her. As someone said, it's no coincidence you have your daughter whenever this guy shows up for their little drunken sleepovers. 4
phineas Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 1. 'Blackout drunk.' Red flag. 2. 'Almost sitting in his lap.' Red flag. 3. 'He went to grab her.' Red flag. 4. 'Claimed she didn't remember.' Red flag. 5. 'I told her i would prefer her not to, but she went by her guy friend out of town, got drunk and stayed at his house.' Red flag. 6. Often wants to go out with other guys when you have you daughter. RED FLAG. She's so shady that it's gone dark. Sounds like a few women friends i have. I will not date them because of their drinking, i'm the guy friend though . except they always come onto me. Which I guess is better than the wolves taking advantage of them (which I also end up doing preventing). I however avoid hanging out with them when they are dating someone because they always get drunk and hit on me but i don't take advantage unless they are really persistant. Either way, i'd never date a girl like op's even casually. too much of a headache. She's FWB at best depending on how hot she is.
katiegrl Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 What does plate mean? I am thinking it's slang for alcoholic or druggie? Just a guess...
dumbass2 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 You set a boundary because she was doing something that really bothered you. You told her. She did it again. There has to be consequences for her crossing that boundary, if not, then your boundaries are meaningless to her and she will have no respect for you. Once that is lost, you hardly ever can get it back. She does not respect you right now. I don't care how great she is with your daughter. She wants her cake and eat it. Part time relationship with you and still being able to go out and party and get drunk. Get some self respect back.
TooLegitToQuit Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I agree w the guys here. This relationship isn't salvageable. Even if she hasn't already physically cheated (yeah, right!) A huge part of being faithful to someone is not even putting yourself in situations that LOOK bad. A partner who gets black-out drunk is just bad news in general, even more so if she does it in the company of other guys.
BaileyB Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I'm sorry to say this, but there are lots of red flags here. She's not making good choices and not treating you with the respect and consideration you deserve. I think you are right to be concerned. 1
joseb Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I am thinking it's slang for alcoholic or druggie? Just a guess... I think he means as in another 'plate to spin' - so one of many, not the one, or even the main one.
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