yellowhibiscus Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 As a woman who is currently in the dating scene right now, I would make it clear that you are not looking for a relationship with them if you are going to continue to see them. Women tend to develop feelings or get attached sooner and most women who are dating are dating for the possibility of a relationship. Don't waste #1's time if you don't think you feel any sexual chemistry. If you're cool with having a sexual fling with #2 then go for it but make it known that it is what it really is. 1
Author scooby-philly Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 Thanks to all I didn't mean to imply I wouldn't date #2 - the conversation just hasn't come up yet. And we do more than just sex And when I said she had a lot of work in front of her I wasn't implying I'm impatient or she isn't worth it - it was just an observation. I agree about #1 - she's looking for a relationship and so am I but I just don't feel the sexual chemistry. If it doesn't happen in the next 2-3 dates I'll back my way out gracefully so she isn't hurt. And guys get feelings too. As for #2, we'll see what happens. I'm not going to stop looking - but at this point it's not like i have to choose today.
Els Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 And when I said she had a lot of work in front of her I wasn't implying I'm impatient or she isn't worth it - it was just an observation. You missed my point. I wasn't implying that you were impatient, I'm saying that if you perceive her to have 'a lot of work in front of her', that is a terrible basis to start a relationship on. You don't start a R based on what you perceive she 'could be if she worked on it'. If you don't already like someone as they are, why would you bother? Yes, flaws do appear, but typically after the honeymoon phase is over and the rose-tinted glasses fall off. If you're STARTING off already feeling this way about her then there is 0 hope IMO. At any rate I don't see the dilemma. Just keep looking and be honest with both of them. It's not like they're the last two women on Earth.
Author scooby-philly Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 You missed my point. I wasn't implying that you were impatient, I'm saying that if you perceive her to have 'a lot of work in front of her', that is a terrible basis to start a relationship on. You don't start a R based on what you perceive she 'could be if she worked on it'. If you don't already like someone as they are, why would you bother? Yes, flaws do appear, but typically after the honeymoon phase is over and the rose-tinted glasses fall off. If you're STARTING off already feeling this way about her then there is 0 hope IMO. At any rate I don't see the dilemma. Just keep looking and be honest with both of them. It's not like they're the last two women on Earth. Again I think you missed my point - probably because I didn't explain it. I wasn't trying to say I didn't like someone as they are - I was commenting on the fact that she's self-described her goals and that they will entail a lot of effort on her part. But yes, I don't know what will come of this or the other. I'm starting to already wear thin on #1. We'd probably make great friends but I don't feel the chemistry. Of course, that may be blinded by the appearance of #2, but I can't conjecture and can only relate how I'm feeling. #1 did use a line in one of our recent dates which I agree with wholeheartedly - I'll be 35 later this month. While I'd love to have a family I know too many people who rushed to have kids with the wrong person and I've also learned that I want someone who appreciates me as much as I appreciate them so it's a matter of "are you a better option than being single" - as a starting point and then we can go from there.
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