Would you lend money to a partner (if you didnt know why)

[Timshel]

Yeah I take your point! He's a good man. I know that, I do.

Theres a lot of women that would of been interested in him, I didn't make it easy, I do have a guard up and i'm not the easiest person to get to know initially, and he was never deterred. Nothing has ever deterred him and I do honestly believe nothing ever would. I believe he's fully committed.

 

 

I took my son to the shops in the week, and I should of known it would be a total nightmare because everything had been going wrong all day, but I took him and he had a complete meltdown, and I'm normally really chill about anything like that but I was already really stressed and it was really busy and there was this two older ladies just moaning loudly about my son and I was about two seconds away from totally losing it.

And then I saw him walk in the shop to pick us up, and he looked for us, saw us (in the middle of all this commotion) and he beamed. Like not a false smile, but the kind of smile you give your best friend when you go to pick them up from the airport and you haven't seen them for a year. He didn't miss a beat, he walked straight over, he picked my son up off the floor and started to sing to him the way that calms him down.

This women's still moaning about him needed a firm hand or some BS and her friend goes to her 'well there's something wrong with him isn't there' right in front of my son.. and Gee turns round and goes to her "There's nothing wrong with my son. He's just not boring like everyone else. He's special, and it's not his fault you're to blind to see it!

I was just stood there like that's my man, and I f****** love him, I do.

This is a rough patch, but we'll find a way through this, because I love him, and I know he loves me and what we have together is too special not to fight for.

 

That's the spirit. Kudos.

[Timshel]

They had already pooled any other money.

Yeah that is something to think about.

 

 

Yes and I would make sure we would survive after him.

But I guess sometimes you have to gamble safe to get great don't you. I've always been so focused that I won't be anyone's mug, but I don't want in the process to become someone that's scared to take a chance, which I feel might be what's happening.. because that isn't how i'd want my son to live his life..

 

Relationships require effort, work, communication, stamina, honesty.....you get the point.

Obviously there are some things to work on and work out between you two Olly.

Looking around for successful, long-term couples having found daily 24/7 utopia...ha ha. It's par for the course.

 

It really seems worth the effort for you two. Whether you guys succeed or fail in the long term is any person's guess. The important thing is that you have the proper foundation to begin.

Best wishes....

[MrDuck]

Yeah I take your point! He's a good man. I know that, I do.

I believe he's fully committed.

I f****** love him, I do.

 

If you believe all those statements then you really don't have a major problem!

It's natural to feel defensive but don't make it into a more major issue by shutting down to him completely.

 

He made a bad call, but people are always going to do that, it's human nature. Personally I think you have to look for people that a willing to hold their hands up and try to fix things.

 

 

If I was you, i'd try to put the mistake in context and not let it wash away all the good!

But you know that anyway! I think you guys will be fine.

[Olly.]

If you believe all those statements then you really don't have a major problem!

It's natural to feel defensive but don't make it into a more major issue by shutting down to him completely.

He made a bad call, but people are always going to do that, it's human nature. Personally I think you have to look for people that a willing to hold their hands up and try to fix things.

If I was you, i'd try to put the mistake in context and not let it wash away all the good!

But you know that anyway! I think you guys will be fine.

 

Relationships require effort, work, communication, stamina, honesty.....you get the point.

Obviously there are some things to work on and work out between you two Olly.

Looking around for successful, long-term couples having found daily 24/7 utopia...ha ha. It's par for the course.

 

It really seems worth the effort for you two. Whether you guys succeed or fail in the long term is any person's guess. The important thing is that you have the proper foundation to begin.

Best wishes....

 

Thanks guys! Sorry I took so long to reply!

I get what you're saying! Definitely! He was an idiot, but he's my idiot! Mine and my sons!

I know its probably a defensive thing to hold everyone to impossibly high standards and I need to chill a bit more and cut him some slack!

He should of told me, but he should of felt like he could tell me as well. I'm not always overtly affectionate person, but just cause i don't say it doesn't mean i don't feel it and i hope Gee knows that i love him and i'm committed and whatever comes our way he can tell me and i'll love him!

 

 

We've been doing good though!

I decided after resolving all this that me and him is what i want long term, and i was ready to make it official! I knew he wants marriage so i was just like screw tradition, i'm going to ask him!

I didn't particularly plan it, i just had a shower went downstairs for breakfast and he was singing to the radio like he does before i knew i was watching him, he saw me and made me dance with him though i didnt want to and i felt like it was the moment to, for once put myself out there, i think i dont tell him how i feel enough.

....i got down on one knee and everything and he went "Woah woah, Olly stop" and for like this horrible second i was like **** he's going to say no, which i, cockily, hadn't even considered! But he went "wait wait I've got a ring, just wait a sec".

 

Then I told him he could do the proposing seeing as he was obviously more prepared. He was dead sweet, said something like "Olly you're the love of my life, my very best friend and i couldn't have ever imagined being this happy until I met you. I know what I want to do with my life, I want to be your husband and I want to be Drew's dad, marry me?" He got like choked up and his voice kept breaking, I'd thought it would be funny to be like "no" and then "just kidding" but i couldn't do it to him - I'm going soft, see!?

 

So yeah, we're engaged and we're doing good! And I'm very thankful for the support that I got when I posted here. Thanks for thanking the time to read my post and respond and yeah.

[Timshel]

Awww Olly, that's really great news! Congratulations to all three of you!

 

All the best

[Gloria25]

Oh gosh, I'm sorry, but if this guy got on his knees and asked me to marry him I'm cry out of sadness - not joy.

 

I highly recommend you both do six months of premarital counseling.

 

I also highly would ask myself if I just wanna get married for married's sake. Cuz, so far this guy, from what I'm seeing lacks the qualities of a husband and father.

 

For one, he shouldn't be asking you for money with telling you why. If you two marry you two can't be making financial decisions without full disclosure to each other. I have friends and heard the stories of one of them taking money to support their relatives, children out of wedlock...it gets messy.

 

One gf of mine? Her husband doesn't ask...he just "does". In other words, he goes and buys a new car, motorcycle and just comes home with it. If "his" kids (that he had before her) need this/that he gives it. But, if she wants to help out a relative of hers, he lays down the law. So, he does what he wants cuz he knows she'll pull through and pay the bills. Do you wanna live like that?

[Gloria25]

I've given money to my adult daughter once without knowing why. I was uncomfortable doing it then. Can't imagine doing it for anybody else.

 

It's not the same in her situation. This guy isn't even pulling his weight financially as the father of her kid. Some nerve of him to even expect her to come up with money to "lend" him and he's not her husband and is a scrub.

 

I learned the hard way that dating and money don't mix. I just went through that with dude and it ended up with him breaking up with me cuz I took away his pride. Obviously the OP's baby daddy has none.

 

Family is different than someone you're dating; and, DEFINITELY is different than a spouse. The rules and expectations when money is an issue are not the same.

[Gloria25]

I'd never lend money to people I'm close to; I'd just give it to them. A lot of relationships get broken when a debtor/creditor dynamic becomes part of the picture.

 

 

But I'd want to know what it's for.

 

That's for sure. There's no "lending" money when it comes to family. If you expect it back, then don't lend it to them...you'll more than likely never see it again.

 

How do I know this????

[Gloria25]

You are right to say, No. Hug him and love him and be emotionally supportive, but nothing requires that you give your BF money. The squirrelly behavior and secretiveness are your confirmation that this is NOT a good idea, no matter how dire he might say it is.

 

And that's what I should've done with my dude. You know, I ran this scenario in my head - you know, what would I do if a guy I was dating needed money...And, I resolved not to offer...and, if asked, to hug him and let him know I was confident enough in him that he'd find a way (aka, be supportive).

 

But I f'd it up with this guy. I just over the past years saw/see women paying for this/that, people shacking up and they look happy...like they're doing ok. And, in a moment of weakness became a sheep and thought he'd be down with moving in with me. OH gosh no. I will stick to my guns and values. My current dude, although is in the Millenial age group, does not seem to be like most guys now a days - who sit back and expect women to pay half/all their bills. He makes me proud...and see, that's why I fell so hard for him. He's still growing/maturing, but I liked what I saw so far.

 

If I could go back in time, I would've just hugged my dude and been supportive. But I messed that up and now he's just feeling exposed, pressured, and wanting to back off from me. I miss him so much already

[Olly.]

It's not the same in her situation. This guy isn't even pulling his weight financially as the father of her kid. Some nerve of him to even expect her to come up with money to "lend" him and he's not her husband and is a scrub.

He's not a scrub. He supports himself financially. He contributes financially to our expenses. He isn't my sons father (although he is a fantastic dad to him).

 

If I could go back in time, I would've just hugged my dude and been supportive. But I messed that up and now he's just feeling exposed, pressured, and wanting to back off from me. I miss him so much already

I'm sorry you're going through that!

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I would lend the money, unless it was an absurd amount,

It's hardly something I'd trouble myself with keeping a count.

[Shepp]

Thanks guys! Sorry I took so long to reply!

I get what you're saying! Definitely! He was an idiot, but he's my idiot! Mine and my sons!

I know its probably a defensive thing to hold everyone to impossibly high standards and I need to chill a bit more and cut him some slack!

He should of told me, but he should of felt like he could tell me as well. I'm not always overtly affectionate person, but just cause i don't say it doesn't mean i don't feel it and i hope Gee knows that i love him and i'm committed and whatever comes our way he can tell me and i'll love him!

 

 

We've been doing good though!

I decided after resolving all this that me and him is what i want long term, and i was ready to make it official! I knew he wants marriage so i was just like screw tradition, i'm going to ask him!

I didn't particularly plan it, i just had a shower went downstairs for breakfast and he was singing to the radio like he does before i knew i was watching him, he saw me and made me dance with him though i didnt want to and i felt like it was the moment to, for once put myself out there, i think i dont tell him how i feel enough.

....i got down on one knee and everything and he went "Woah woah, Olly stop" and for like this horrible second i was like **** he's going to say no, which i, cockily, hadn't even considered! But he went "wait wait I've got a ring, just wait a sec".

 

Then I told him he could do the proposing seeing as he was obviously more prepared. He was dead sweet, said something like "Olly you're the love of my life, my very best friend and i couldn't have ever imagined being this happy until I met you. I know what I want to do with my life, I want to be your husband and I want to be Drew's dad, marry me?" He got like choked up and his voice kept breaking, I'd thought it would be funny to be like "no" and then "just kidding" but i couldn't do it to him - I'm going soft, see!?

 

So yeah, we're engaged and we're doing good! And I'm very thankful for the support that I got when I posted here. Thanks for thanking the time to read my post and respond and yeah.

 

Congratulations!

 

(I wouldn't worry to much about saying you love him more - from a guys perspective: you don't go buying a ring unless you know she loves you! No guy wants to get a knocked back proposal! Haha)