Sminny10 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) I'm ashamed to post this but am in a terrible mess and don't know what to do. I started dating a divorcing man and fell hard. When he ended things stating he was afraid to fall in love and needed time to heal, I was devastated. I turned to a Get Your Ex Back Programme (Mathew Hussey) which advised sending a good bye message as a first step. I did this then he rang to say I was fantastic and wanted me back and as long as I could handle all the divorce crap he had to put up with then he wanted to be with me. I agreed as long as he could keep his divorce and ex drama separate from our relationship. Then I started feeling insecure and got sucked into buying another programme to 'Keep the Guy' as I thought this would help to work things out. After watching a bit of this and meeting with my guy I said I needed a man to be there for me, to commit to me and to love me and wanted him to be that man. He said he would try and I said if he didn't then I would have to consider whether I wanted to be in that relationship (as the programme said to say this and show how wonderful you are so they get scared of losing you). Things were good that day but I started feeling insecure, I was wanting him to say he loved me but he didn't and it became all I could think about. In the midst of it he would still talk about his ex and clearly wasn't over her, he also dropped the bomb he's not sure if he wants kids as he's scared he would lose them if the relationship ended. Whenever I wasn't with him I would watch this programme and then try and apply things but have realised it's all contradictory and mostly common sense but now I am a nervous wreck around him, he keeps saying if I'm unhappy why don't I just leave and that it's not my fault and nothing I've done but I feel guilty as I feel I've been playing games and can't tell him that. All this is constantly going round my head and I'm snapping at him and my feelings are all over the place, I feel I've worked so hard to make him love me and he doesn't and I just want to be able to relax and be myself and give him time to fall in love with me and I can't as I feel guilty and whenever he is nice to me I get paranoid that it is only because of certain things I said that were in the programme so I can't enjoy it and all I do is go over things and worry constantly and he thinks it is the impact of the divorce so just keeps telling me to be patient or leave. He says he wants to make me happy and if he doesn't I should leave but I don't want to but I can't be happy around him either, I just feel confused, anxious and depressed. Edited June 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Liam1 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I just feel confused, anxious and depressed. A good relationship should not be as difficult as you describe. If you are always feeling as you describe. Something is not right and you two are likely not on the same page regarding what type of relationship you want. Sorry you are in this situation. Love can be tough sometimes. Are you dating exclusively? If he does not want to commit and you do, you need to change that to a non-exclusive dating relationship. If he does not like that, he can put a ring on it.
Just a Guy Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Hi Sminny, after reading your post I can only wonder as to whether you are ready for a romantic relationship with anyone at the present moment. You come across as very needy and clingy and it appears to me that at the present time you are definitely neurotic which probably makes itself apparent to your would be beau. You have to learn to relax, maybe do some yoga or at least deep breathing exercises to help you unwind and just try and be yourself. Do not depend on these programs that you have been subscribing to. It is because you are so desperately trying to hook up with this guy that you are in actual fact, just pushing him away. If you are not careful you will just drive him away because he will start to see your neurosis for what it is. I would advise you to see a counsellor who deals with these kinds of mental imbalances and who can guide you back to s path of normalcy and self belief. You are very definitely suffering from a bit of low self esteem which has lead you to displaying lack of self confidence. Just take some time out to reflect on your situation and then move forward. Cheers!
Toodaloo Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Can I give you a tip? Its all very good and well using these tactics but you have to pay attention and make sure you use them on the right guy! You used the "Hussey Power" for the wrong reasons and its back fired. Time to throw in the towel on this one and walk away. Find a guy that wants the same things in life and go from there. *Note to self - take own advice sometimes*
DevotedBaker54 Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 I'm sorry you're struggling so much in your relationship. I can tell you really care for him and want it to work with him. It sounds like you are trying to force the relationship though. He should know he wants to be in a relationship and value the time he spends with you. If you are having to threaten leaving and having to remind him why you are so special, then do you really want to devote your life to this man? Healthy relationships involve two people who want to be in a relationship and who value and love one another. Maybe you will find a man who loves you and tells you he loves you without all the anxiety and stress in the relationship.
Gloria25 Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Uh, he's getting a divorce... His heart, mind, and wallet are in a blender right now. He and anyone divorcing needs time after the ink dries (a couple of years) to get their head, heart and finances straight. He's not ready for a relationship right now. And, he really doesn't need the added pressure you're putting on him right now either.
Recommended Posts