pineapples. Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Hi all, I am pretty new to this so I really appreciate any input. Basically I was in a 6 year relationship up until 7ish months ago, and turns out, I don't know how to date (shocker). Anyways I have had a few 3-4 daters etc, but nothing too crazy. So I had a first date this past weekend, and things actually were going really great. He suggested a vegetarian restaurant for me, we went and played some arcade games and then just hung out at his place in front of a bonfire talking for hours. We were together from 7:30pm until about 4am, and I was having a great time, he was so easy to get along with. We had been drinking a bit, and then his roommates came home and they were drinking and I think I drank a little too much, just buzzed but still not the best place to be. He drove me home, and we made out a bit in the car, and I started saying some ridiculous things like I wanted to have sex with him, but wasn't going to, and if this was primarily sexual for him? (wtf!) He also did not mention sex at all nor was he pressuring me. This was only about 5-10mins of an otherwise great night, and I think I am obsessing a little bit, but also, let's be honest, that's pretty ****ty of me. I also think I only behaved this way, because I have kind of slept with the past few guys too early, I think only because obviously I like having sex and was used to getting it no strings attached in my long term relationship, and I was feeling conflicted because I was really into him, and past me probably would have done it, but new me was trying to be well behaved. Basically I am looking for specifically advice from guys, if this was a deal breaker (haven't heard from him since the date ended, early Sunday morning), or if I can possibly salvage this by sending him a text today. Our communication has been usually every few days, so I am not surprised not to hear from him, but I am a bit anxious based on the circumstances. TLDR; We had (I think) a great, long first date, blemished by my having a few too many at the end of the night and being kind of dumb. Thank you in advanced for any help!
Larryville Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 He drove me home, and we made out a bit in the car, and I started saying some ridiculous things like I wanted to have sex with him, but wasn't going to, and if this was primarily sexual for him? (wtf!) He also did not mention sex at all nor was he pressuring me. This was only about 5-10mins of an otherwise great night, and I think I am obsessing a little bit, but also, let's be honest, that's pretty ****ty of me. What is the old saying, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. If dude really liked you, may not be a deal breaker, but you did leave him with a jacked up mental image of you, although not necessarily deserved because of you lack of dating experience. Communicate and explain that to him. BUT DON’T FREAKING TEXT THAT. CALL!
CarrieT Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Yeah, I think you screwed this one up but good. First problem was the length of the date. Best to end them early and make them want a little more. You went into the wee-hours of the morning and let alcohol get the best of you. I would send a short note of apology and offer to take HIM out to apologize. If he accepts, watch your drinking (one drink, max?) and show him a nice time. Be the lady you want to be, end the date early, and throw the ball back in his court. If he declines or doesn't respond, then the ship has sailed and you learned a valuable lesson. 1
JoeSmith357-1 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 How old are you? First date was to go back to his place and drink? Yeah, you made a fool of yourself, and if I was a guy looking for something serious, this would go nowhere. Although I would probably sleep with you anyway.
bummer Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 As a dude, I think you're fine. He may think he has you locked down if you offered it all on the first date. Is he the guy who moves slow? Any idea if he dates or just hooks up ? If he's a slow mover you might have scared him but somehow I doubt it and think he's just playing the cool cucumber to see how bad you want it. You play cool cumber and when he calls for another date you figure out before whether you want to play hide the zucchini so soon. If he's interested he can deal with a rescinded offer and some more foreplay before getting to dive in.
Space Ritual Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I don't think you have anything to worry about. He is probably just playing it cool. FWIW. I think he was trying to show you he was a gentleman, so if I were you I would give him a ring and just act like the last 10 minutes of the date didn't happen and go from there. It's all good.
SoThatHappened Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Yeah, as I guy, I hate when women are forward and want to have sex with me. I "next" them left and right. You're fine. As someone mentioned, call (don't text), explain yourself, and go from there. If you screwed it up, at least you learned something without any invested emotions.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 One of my biggest turn offs with women is when they put you on the spot demanding to know what you're intentions are, if you only want them for sex, etc.. The ironic thing is that even though I am assertive and sexual, I actually don't like rushing into actual sex. I didn't sleep with my current GF until two months in. But at the same time when a woman acts all insecure, puts you on the spot, thinks you only want sex, etc it makes it seem like she has all sorts of issues and baggage to deal with. So that's why it turns me off. I think a lot of women online especially deal with so many sexual emails, that they just don't know how to let their guards down anymore. My advice for what it's worth would be to give him time to contact you. If you don't hear anything within 2-3 days, I'd send him a quick text saying "I had fun the other night and look forward to seeing you again!" This leaves the ball in his court to make plans. Plus, by not making a big deal out of it and avoiding showing insecurity, he could just write it off to first date jitters. But it only becomes a big deal if you make it one. So don't explain yourself or make any excuses.
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