Mysteryman9110 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Hey everyone. I live in Korea and I dated a woman here for about a year. She broke up with twice in the past. Both times were pretty shocking to me and out of the blue and one time she broke up with me while I was in the hospital, and the other time was when we went shopping and she thought I was having an attitude because I did not care about the towels she picked out ( I am dead serious and I promise I'm not trolling ) She really is a great person, but she has been seeking treatment for depression and her tolerance to stress is very very low. Anyways we broke up and decided to become FWB's. We still had sex and it was great. She told about 6 months ago while we were cuddling she tells me that she wants to find a Korean guy to marry. I still love her very much and it was HER decision to break up with me. I could not make her change her mind about her romantically so I just supported her decision. During this time she told me that I should meet other girls and when we were out she told me very clearly that she doesn't care if I look at other girls. She kept trying to joke with me about girls I'm probably seeing on the side but I didn't mention it because its not a situation I can win. I was definitely seeing other girls, but I wouldn't have done that if she wasn't so clear that she doesn't care. I still love this woman dearly and I wasn't trying to hurt her. It hurt me so bad when she broke up with me because she has problems communicating her feelings and each time she broke up with me it was shocking because there was no communication. It is quite daunting living alone in a foreign country after being with someone so long and I want to meet new friends and also to make a new girlfriend to ease my heart. I met a new girl and started dating and my fwb told me she wouldn't get jealous. She pressured me to tell me about the new girl and I didn't want to lie so I told her I was going to going on a date. She seemed totally cool with it at first. Then she came to my apartment at 1:30 am and says she is upset, then we talk for a bit, then she wants to cuddle some more and the next morning we agree to just move on, and then the next night she tells me we can't see each other anymore. Do you guys think I was a jerk for not telling her honestly? I did not want to hurt her because I love her still. I was seeing other girls but only because she broke up with me 2 times in the relationship and didn't seem to want me. She only showed her emotions when a new girl got involved. She claims I kept things from her, but she clearly knew what was going on and told me it was okay, so it's kind of a silly argument from her. Was I being a jerk? I really care about her as a person and I still worry about her feelings. I want to stay friends with her, but she is on meds and is a bit unstable.Do you think its possible to salvage this and remain friends?
elaine567 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 She told you she is looking to marry a Korean guy and that is probably where she is at. She still liked you, she liked the sex so wanted a fwb relationship. BUT although she thought it was cool that you were not exclusive, when faced with it in reality, she couldn't do it, so has now taken the route she should probably have followed in the first place of totally breaking up with you. She doesn't want you as a long term prospect, yet she cannot cope with you seeing other women - it is done, leave it be. 1
joseb Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 You need to move on from her. She wants to keep you around as backup for when she needs it, she doesnt want you having feelings so she tells you to find others, but she is learning that even though she doesnt want you, jealousy is still a powerful thing. So I would drop her. Are you going to stay in Korea?
Toodaloo Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 No. Move on and keep the situation simple. No more FWB. Cut contact and move on. Quit trying to be the good guy. Quit trying to be what ever it is you are trying to be. Just concentrate on the new girl you are dating. Seriously how do you think she would feel knowing that you are sleeping with your ex while dating her? Sure fire way to get dumped... 1
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 I was going to tell my FWB about the new gf and let her down easy. My FWB was my first love. I love this woman dearly and it pains me to see her upset. I really tried to show her how much I love her, but when she broke up with me in the hospital it really made me see how she really doesn't care about me that much. She has also flat out told me she doesn't love me as much as I love her. It hurts like hell that she accuses me of not loving her. I started crying last night when she told me that she thinks I don't care about her. The thing is that when she broke up with me suddenly it was like a kick in the stomach. I was in a foreign country, in the hospital, recovering from surgery. I forgave her but I really did not think I was doing anything wrong when I started to see other girls. We were fwb at the time and I wanted to be in a relationship and it felt like she didn't care that much about me except for sex. She claimed the sex with me was much better than with her other bf's. I want to move in a positive direction with my new gf but I just don't want my FWB to think I left her and don't care about her. I care a lot about her but she dumped me repeatedly out of the blue and then told me she is going to marry someone else. I didn't want to just wait around like a chump until she didn't need me anymore.
joseb Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I want to move in a positive direction with my new gf but I just don't want my FWB to think I left her and don't care about her. I care a lot about her but she dumped me repeatedly out of the blue and then told me she is going to marry someone else. I didn't want to just wait around like a chump until she didn't need me anymore. Why do you care what she thinks? She dumped you. By the sounds of it, not all that nicely. Rubbing it in you face about marrying another guy. And kept you around for sex while she needed you. She sounds like a selfish b1tch. Seriously, quit trying to be mr nice guy and please everyone. You should be pissed off with her and want to have nothing more to do with her. 2
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 Why do you care what she thinks? She dumped you. By the sounds of it, not all that nicely. Rubbing it in you face about marrying another guy. And kept you around for sex while she needed you. She sounds like a selfish b1tch. Seriously, quit trying to be mr nice guy and please everyone. You should be pissed off with her and want to have nothing more to do with her. I see what you are saying. She is my first love so I still care about her feelings even though I don't want to be with her romantically anymore. What really hurt is that a big reason why we broke up was because he mom did not approve of me. I would have given anything to marry her and be with her. When we were shopping she told me something along the lines of " If I find a guy and my family likes him I will marry him very very quickly " . She is in her mid 30's and is freaking out about getting too old to have babies so she is in desperation mode. It really felt like a kick in the gut to hear her say that. Her mother didn't seem to even want to try to get to know me and for my FWB to just jump to marriage with seemingly a random guy seems so freaking strange to me.
Toodaloo Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Quit being a door mat and grow a pair. I am serious. This girl stamped on you and treated you like dog poop on her shoe and you want to be kind? Don't bother. Move on and get on with life. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I think you have to go no contact with her, there are too many feelings there on both sides (even if hers are erratic) for you guys to be FWB.
kendahke Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Sounds like she wanted you to pine for her while she seeks and then marries her Korean man. But you didn't, so now, she's acting out. You're broken up. FWB makes this unnecessarily messy. Find someone else to get into a relationship with.
kendahke Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I see what you are saying. She is my first love so I still care about her feelings even though I don't want to be with her romantically anymore. What really hurt is that a big reason why we broke up was because he mom did not approve of me. I would have given anything to marry her and be with her. When we were shopping she told me something along the lines of " If I find a guy and my family likes him I will marry him very very quickly " . She is in her mid 30's and is freaking out about getting too old to have babies so she is in desperation mode. It really felt like a kick in the gut to hear her say that. Her mother didn't seem to even want to try to get to know me and for my FWB to just jump to marriage with seemingly a random guy seems so freaking strange to me. Maybe there are aspects of and reasons for marriage in Korea which are not regarded the same as where you're from. It seems to have worked for their collective state of being. Here's the thing, though: from the minute she told her mom she was dating you, mom has not been on your side. Her parents want her to marry a Korean man and she's obeying them. There was no point when you could have won her mother over--you're watching too many Hollywood movies there. She's told you what her plans are and you're not a part of them outside of how she can take advantage of what you've got on offer, but not be so blatant and obvious about it. If you don't mind being used as an emotional tampon, then have fun cuddling, etc., with her, but it's not going to get you down the aisle with her.
elaine567 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Seems that many traditional Koreans see marriage as a union between families, so if that is the case here you were on a loser from day one. Bear that in mind before you start dating other Korean girls.
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 I'm already dating another Korean girl. We have been dating for about a month and we have been officially a couple for about a week.
joseb Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) I'm already dating another Korean girl. We have been dating for about a month and we have been officially a couple for about a week. So are you going to make all the same mistakes with this one? If you are just having fun, great, but before you become emotionally invested in her you need to know where she stands culturally. And, given that you are 'official' why the **** are you trying to shag your ex still?????? If you are looking to please people, please your current gf by not being the guy that keeps in contact with his ex hoping to get back with her. Edited June 14, 2016 by joseb
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Posted June 16, 2016 I wasn't trying to " shag " her still. Me and my new gf were not officially a couple until a few days ago. I am very soft hearted person and I really didn't want my ex to be lonely and I wanted to let her down very easily and be reassured she would be okay. I feel like a bit of a tool for asking her to book my tickets. I really wasn't trying to rub it in, but she seemed to not care that much about me. She Broke up with a few times and flat out told me she doesn't want to be my gf. She also told me I could see other girls and that she doesn't care if I am attracted to other girls. I honestly thought it wasn't a big deal to her who I seen. I didn't want to rub it in at all, but at the same time I wanted to be open and honest with her if faced with direct questions. Now I'm in a new relationship and want to keep my distance from her, but I am still worried about how she is doing. I am worried if she is sad.
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