xo Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 my boyfriend has been away with his band in england for just over 2 weeks and I haven't gotten one phone call, one message, one email or even one postcard. we live together and we have been together for 4 years. we have been arguing somewhat, but when i dropped him off at the airport, everything was left fine. we made love before he left, everything was actually quite nice. but, now, it's been 15 days since and i haven't heard anything from him. i had to email a band mate of his to find out what is going on (as far as them returning) and he told my boyfriend that i would like him to call me...but still no phone call. please....someone out there tell me what you think may be or is going on. i am almost embarrased to ask. thanks! sadly
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 I have a feeling you don't like him being in a band, correct? Kurt Cobain's girlfriend had the same problem, and they eventually broke up because of it. No excuse for not calling, but he's probably relieved to be on the road, living out his dream, so to speak. When he calls, you'll probably ask when he's coming home... my guess is he doesn't want to hear this.
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 well, let me ask you this....do you think he has been cheating on me over there? maybe that might be the reason for not calling too? i mean, when you have girls throwing themselves at you, it's near impossible to say no...right? i mean after all - who is going to find out? he's in the UK. right? or am i being paranoid?
She_Devil Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 I think he should call but that does not mean he will. You need to live your life and see what happens. I think you are paranoid and making up the worst in your mind. Have you emailed him at all? I know you said your emailed a band mate but it is not his job to tell your Bf. You need to go to him and be honest. He is probably enjoying the time you have apart...not to say he does not love you. You need to enjoy it as well. Read more, do the things you don't get to do when you and him are together. Missing him is good because then you will have more to talk about.
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 Thanks, that makes me feel somewhat better. I realize that I am probably concentrating on the "worst possible trainwreck" of a situation. but...his bass player calls his girlfriend everyday. he also emails her everyday. they don't even live together. they have a "band mobile phone", (i know the number) and he could use that to contact me. he does say though..."i never call ANYONE on the road, especially when i'm overseas." i think this is way too selfish and really don't understand. it makes me feel as though he doesn't love me. he doesn't care about what i am doing and he doesn't miss me. sort of an "out of sight, out of mind" approach to life. which, if this is true - could mean...that he could cheat on me. all i need is a message on the answering machine every 5 days, maybe 4, telling me that he misses me, all is well and he can't wait to see me again. that's all and i would feel so much better. i've told this to him too. after telling his bandmate to relay the message that i would like him to call me, knowing everything that i have told him in the past and the fact that i am not working right now should be a big red alert to call me, wouldn't you think? if anything...to tell me that a) they are going to be a week late b) they LOST their tickets and do not know how they are getting home...they are there illegally now and it's going to cost nearly $1200 per individual to make it out of there c) they finally got means to get out, now it's going to be a couple more days and they will be home on wednesday i mean....what does he think i am, a pyschic. OR, does he really not care that i know. who knows, he may not even have a plan to come back home. i'm either...way too bored due to not working or i am super paranoid OR i am feeling the feelings of a completely normal human being. i don't know.
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by xo well, let me ask you this....do you think he has been cheating on me over there? Let's hope not. It sounds like a wild life, but touring isn't exactly a party. Chances are your boyfriend's band is sleeping on someone's floor and packing themselves tightly in a single van that also houses their equipment. Usually, they don't even have time to cheat, since their free time is spent driving to the next gig -- a sh^tty bar or dilapidated warehouse, most of the time. The opportunities to cheat come later, when they hit it big. If your boyfriend's serious about his music, he won't be sleeping around. It's okay to be paranoid, but it sounds like he's really into it.
newbby Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 I think he should call but that does not mean he will. You need to live your life and see what happens. I think you are paranoid and making up the worst in your mind. Have you emailed him at all? I know you said your emailed a band mate but it is not his job to tell your Bf. You need to go to him and be honest. He is probably enjoying the time you have apart...not to say he does not love you. You need to enjoy it as well. Read more, do the things you don't get to do when you and him are together. Missing him is good because then you will have more to talk about. i agree, i think it sounds like this is healthy for your relationship. its good to have seperate lives too, just make sure you really have a good time yourself, find a hobby or something to take up, then when he comes home with all his news and refreshed from his break you will also have stuff to talk about and you wont be questioning him, making him feel miserable to be back.
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by xo they kind of have "hit it big." great. The worst thing for a guy in a band is a girlfriend, sad to say.
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 hello? that is lame to say. he is my best friend. my most bestest friend in the world. i would hate to think that i am the worst thing for him to have in his life! look at everyone...julian casablancas is married. fabrizio dates drew. pete doherty is getting married to kate. david bowie is married. simon le bon is married. give me a break. nothing is wrong with having a girlfriend. i just have to learn to be more open-minded and not freak out on him when he does come home and question him and yadayada. what i don't know - doesn't hurt me. i think (?) i would hate to lose him, let's just say that. i just need to get used to him being gone for so long, and it would be alot easier to get used to if he would just call every now and again.
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 plus, i'm not so bad either....so i have been told. kind of a "catch", i guess you could say. so...(?) he's the lucky one TOO!
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by xo hello? that is lame to say. he is my best friend. my most bestest friend in the world. i would hate to think that i am the worst thing for him to have in his life! look at everyone...julian casablancas is married. fabrizio dates drew. pete doherty is getting married to kate. david bowie is married. simon le bon is married. give me a break. nothing is wrong with having a girlfriend. i just have to learn to be more open-minded and not freak out on him when he does come home and question him and yadayada. what i don't know - doesn't hurt me. i think (?) i would hate to lose him, let's just say that. i just need to get used to him being gone for so long, and it would be alot easier to get used to if he would just call every now and again. Don't take it personal, it's just an observation that happens to be true. I'm sure you're an awesome chick, but if the guy loves his music, he's gonna stick with it no matter what. Problem is, he can't devote himself to his music and his girlfriend at the same time, because both require too much time. Eventually one will have to give, unless you get into the music business yourself. All those examples you cited, well... name one who was married before he became famous. That's not the way it works, because it'll destroy your relationship faster than the band becomes successful (if at all).
She_Devil Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 You are blowing this way out in left field. 1) Get your mind off of this situation. *If you don't you are going to stark raving mad and blow up on him and loose him.* 2) Get a journal write all of this down...your feelings and your alone. * I guarentee that when he calls/writes/comes back you will look back on those thoughts and see that you were over reacting. 3) Take a look at things and evaulate whether or not you love this guy. It * It is one thing to be worried about his safty (which btw I noticed was not your #1 concern) but it is something entirely different to just assume he is cheating. Your bf is not the bass player, if that is the type of guy you need to find one. 4) Bc this is my answer for everything...get a sex toy or 2. Learn to love yourself and focus on that while he is gone. He is doing his thing with the band..and he is going to come home to you. You are allowed your feelings but I think you are being paranoid. Do you have the # if the "Band Phone"? If you do...CALL IT..state just wanted to make sure you are breathing...love you...bye! That simple. Obsessing is going to make you crazy! Also let me point out that if he did not want to be with you and would cheat on a whim...he would not have stayed with you for 4 years.
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 thank you all of you for your support. i just needed to see some outside perspectives, rather than ask my same friends that know and love us both. you kind of can't really get a biased opinion in that situation...a true blue biased opinion that is. so i appreciate everyones "take" on this situation and your advice. i have to say to the guy that said "the worst thing for a guy in a band is a girlfriend." You may in fact be right in a matter of speaking...."When you can get any girl you want after a show....than why bother with a girlfriend." Most guys may agree with you in a way...only because they are thinking with their dicks and band guys have egos and all of that crap....but there is more to life than "getting laid." I am afraid to tell you that there are relationships out there - that are more than just sex, and my bear and I have one of those. When you meet someone you TRUELY love, go join a band and see if you cheat on her. It's next to impossible to do. That's when you know that you are in love. Now me mentioning it in my posts...is me being NEUROTIC. I get like that. I do, unfortunately more than I should. I know he wouldn't cheat on me, he's not that type anyway. SO, thank you otherwise for your other comments, much appreciated. Just that one was probably said in haste. and then to she_devil: Thank you. You are probably the most "on-target," or at least the most "on-target to what I wanted to hear." Which is just fine by me. We'll just see what happens when he returns tomorrow and I'll give you all alittle update. This will be good to see who was the closest to what actually "is going-on." He should be home around 4pst so...maybe you'll hear from me in the eve. any other words of advice are welcome. I almost want to take a poll and bet on the this one. Anyone want to throw in the first $5 and we match it? I will write up the poll??? SOunds like fun to me. Let me know, someone could make a good chunk of change. (????)
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by xo i have to say to the guy that said "the worst thing for a guy in a band is a girlfriend." You may in fact be right in a matter of speaking...."When you can get any girl you want after a show....than why bother with a girlfriend." Most guys may agree with you in a way...only because they are thinking with their dicks and band guys have egos and all of that crap....but there is more to life than "getting laid." I wasn't referring to sex... As with your boyfriend, I, too, am misunderstood. The problem is you're not listening...
She_Devil Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Not to sound like a beesnotch (but I am)...wth...he is coming back tomorrow? For some reason I thought he was going to be gone for like the freakin summer...that is what I get for assuming! Good Luck!
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 i'm sorry, i just automatically thought that's what you meant but you did say something to the fact that it would be okay if the girlfriend worked in the music biz. that is right. my apologies. i just think that most people would think that as well - the sex thing. anyway, in a way i do work in the biz. so, that's there. i am a big supporter for their band, working on their website and i make videos for them. it's cool. i'm probably their biggest fan in the entire world. so, that is all there. if that's what you meant than....i think i'm okay. (?)
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 your assumption is almost correct. he will be back tomorrow...only to leave in another 2 weeks for a month. luckily i'll be able to go see him for (let's see....) 2 shows in colorado, 1 show in minneapolis and chicago. so, doubt they'll want me along for anymore of the ride...but that's kind of cool.
She_Devil Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by xo where do you live she_devil? curious. NC *It blows here*
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 doesn't get much better here in LA. believe me. ugh.
Author xo Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 i'm sorry ... what does that mean. sorry, really i am not with the new lingo sometimes....
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