patooks Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 So I have been dating over the last 5 months after my ex split with me. I have met numerous girls and gone on dates with them, and pretty much nothing has come from any of them. The last 2 in particular have said to me they feel I'm attractive, and they feel physically attracted to me but the chemistry isn't there. Doesn't chemistry take time to develop though ? The last date in particular, we went out for dinner with her kids and her daughter thought I was cool. We had such a great night, we all went back to their place. When the kids were in bed, we kissed and cuddled for about 10 minutes. Everything seemed so good. I did mention my ex though and the pain i went through been with her, only briefly though, and I noticed after that she buttoned off a bit. When I tried to kiss her on the couch again she said I talked about my ex a lot and am I over her. I said yes, I am why would I be here with you otherwise. She then said she wasn't sure if the chemistry was there, yet 10 minutes before she was all over me. I said maybe I should go, but she said wait and kissed me again for another 30 seconds then said nope, the chemistry's not there. I hope it wasn't what I mentioned about my ex, and if it was I'm a bloody idiot . So I obviously don't want this to happen again,do you guys think what I said was the death blow and is been physically attracted to someone not enough as chemistry takes time ?
almond Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) Women bring their kids out to dinner for a first date these days? I'd say dating people like that is your first mistake. Talking about your ex would come a close second. No one here can tell you what you're doing to put women off after meeting them - we haven't met you. They obviously find you attractive enough to go out with you, so something is going on. Perhaps ask a friend or relative to give their honest opinion and provide some insight. Make sure you're not giving off a too keen or desperate vibe. Edited June 14, 2016 by almond
Author patooks Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 I tend to get their numbers pretty quickly, then we text each other straight away. I'm not one to dabble online for ages. I would rather meet ASAP and see if there is a spark, then waste time online for ages and find out there wasn't a spark. We had met a week earlier, same scenario with her 2 kids. We got along just great. She is a single mum, has been single for about the same amount of time as myself. Christian beliefs as well. I usually text them good morning and have a good day, and goodnight etc, etc. Is there anything wrong with this ? Does it seem too keen.
random5thave Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 So she brings her kids to a date but when you talk about your ex, she's mad?
Author patooks Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 Well, she had to bring them. She couldn't get a babysitter. We just went out to dinner together anyway with them. The previous time, we went to the park together. But enough of the kids, she mentioned her ex a few times the first meeting and i didn't care about that. I still don't get what changed so fast. 1 minute we were cool, the next just friends.
ChocolateRain Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 she said I talked about my ex a lot and am I over her. a lot of men tend to do this ...if she noticed and pointed it out to you , maybe you should look deep inside and ask yourself if you are in fact over your ex ... i think this is why she is holding back ...
Author patooks Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 we both had agreed to go off the dating site while we saw what happened between us. The next day after she said what she said to me she was back on the dating site. So i guess I can right this off aye .
Zippy2000 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Big mistake bring up your past and talking about it unless she asked and brough up the subject. I would have kept it light and brief.
bummer Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 You can write it off. She maybe was willing to look past you talking about your ex but didn't like your final kiss. Don't mention your ex unless asked. Go on more dates and improve your kissing.
katiegrl Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) The last 2 in particular have said to me they feel I'm attractive, and they feel physically attracted to me but the chemistry isn't there. Doesn't chemistry take time to develop though ? In all my RLs, chemistry was immediate. For both of us. It's essentially a energy generating between both of you, and it's either there or not. You can find someone physically attractive but feel NO chemistry with them at all. I have never heard of it taking time to develop. A RL takes time to develop but the chemistry should be there from the get go. If she's not feeling it, just move on.... you can't force it. By the way, do YOU feel it? That energy, that spark? That feeling one gets in their solar plexis that tells them this person is special, more special than the rest? In my experience, genuine chemistry (i.e. not based on anything superficial like looks) is always mutual. Edited June 14, 2016 by katiegrl
fitnessfan365 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Women bring their kids out to dinner for a first date these days? SERIOUSLY..A woman should not be bringing her kids on a first date, or even have them meet the guy for the first handful of months IMO. Something like that should happen once a relationship is established and it's more serious. But in re:chemistry - This is the trend that online dating has created. Women have so many more options now, that they have developed really short dating attention spans. Before online dating when it was harder for women to meet men, they'd invest more upfront because of that to feel it out. But now they can meet more men quicker/faster so there is no sense of urgency to try a guy out anymore.
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