Unsur Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Hey, for those who haven't seen my threads I was in a 9 year relationship with my ex who I met at 15. He's the only guy that I've ever been with and it wasn't a great relationship - very co-dependent. We broke up 4 months ago and mostly I was ok with it, it had run its course and was a mutual breakup but I was really upset at first as is natural. Then a couple of weeks ago I found out he had a girlfriend and that set me back but I decided that I'd try OLD to see what happened and to help me get over him. Straight away I started talking with a guy called "Jack" and we instantly clicked, he asked to meet up and I thought there was nothing to lose. There was an instant connection from the moment I met him and we've been talking for a couple of days and I'm falling pretty hard! He says he is too but I'm just... so very very new to dating. The way I'm feeling right now is like nothing I've ever had, my heart is beating fast, I can't stop thinking about him... I'm already pretty infatuated and I was wondering if this is normal? I do not want this guy to be a rebound at all. I don't feel like he is, I'm interested in him because he is great. How do I slow this down? He is already talking about seeing a future with me (off hand comment) and I'm worried that he is a future faker or something. How do I know if he is genuine? What red flags should I be aware of? I could really see myself building a relationship with him, I want to go slow but I'm fighting myself because I'm just so excited. I do not want it to turn in to a co-dependent relationship again. I actually feel like I've "found" myself since the breakup and I was feeling pretty secure with being on my own until I found out the ex had a girlfriend. I'm worried that Jack is a band-aid even though I've barely thought about my ex at all since I met him.
Cinnamonstix Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Things that start fast tend to die just as fast. A slow and steady burn is the way to go. It's a lot more meaningful and real when people proclaim their deep feelings for you after having time to get to know you. It's perfectly normal to think someone SEEMS amazing from the first date. However, it is healthy to save sharing that sentiment until after repeated exposures to each other that CONFIRM your initial impressions. To say that you are falling for someone after one date does seem a little too good to be true, on both ends. Having just gotten out of a LTR and with little experience dating different kinds of men, you're in a pretty vulnerable place right now. You don't want this guy to be your rebound, and equally important, you don't want to be his rebound either. So again, slow down and just enjoy the ride. And in your down time, check out a site called Baggage Reclaim. It talks about emotionally unavailable men, men on the rebound, future faking, etc.
Toodaloo Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 If you do not want this new guy to be a rebound then you have to keep up all the things you were doing to "find yourself" before you met him. That includes going out with your friends, going to all those places you went to before... with out him in tow! Enjoy but it is likely to fade as fast so make sure you take time to yourself and do the things you love!
Author Unsur Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 Things that start fast tend to die just as fast. A slow and steady burn is the way to go. It's a lot more meaningful and real when people proclaim their deep feelings for you after having time to get to know you. It's perfectly normal to think someone SEEMS amazing from the first date. However, it is healthy to save sharing that sentiment until after repeated exposures to each other that CONFIRM your initial impressions. To say that you are falling for someone after one date does seem a little too good to be true, on both ends. Yeah you are completely right, I want to be in proper relationship, I don't want it to fizzle out fast! I'll definitely slow it down with him. Not sure how really but if he tries to push it I'll be honest with him. If he doesn't respect that... then well I guess I have my answer! I think he's going quite fast because he hasn't had a relationship for 5 years, so he's excited too but I'll keep it in mind. I'll check out that site as well, thank you If you do not want this new guy to be a rebound then you have to keep up all the things you were doing to "find yourself" before you met him. That includes going out with your friends, going to all those places you went to before... with out him in tow! Enjoy but it is likely to fade as fast so make sure you take time to yourself and do the things you love! Yeah I'm still doing things on my own and will continue to do so! I've learnt that I don't need to rely on anyone else and I really don't want to forget that.
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