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Hi I need help on this situation . Please read and respond. Thank you

GuitarMan1984

By GuitarMan1984
in The Other Man / Woman

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GuitarMan1984 Member

GuitarMan1984

Posted
Posted

So , I will explain . 3-4 years ago I was with a woman that was separated from her husband not legally for a yr before we got together. We moved in after a few months together we spent over 3 1/2 years together . I got fed up with the way she was handling money was totally irresponsible constantly over drafted her account then I had to cover it . Got so bad that I had to get a joint bank account just to manage it better. Also I should add I am no saint either I am a musician I had girls that would flirt on social media but I never acted on it she knew about this . A few days before I moved out I had all my stuff in a part of the room . I came home from work she wanted to talk . She was going to work in 30mins . I said I don't want to talk . Then just stopped talking altogether. She came at me started hitting punching me slapping . Hit my ear I believe ruptured it . I wasn't going to touch due to laws against men in az . I called the cops went to hospital to save myself from legal and to prove to them . She lied and said I pushed her . After all this I had to move out immediately that night cops said . I stayed with family for a month and found a place in end of July all this happened in end of june . We still kept in touch when I found my apartment at end of july .

Now here comes the messed up part if it already wasn't enough ..lol

Around October she made hints she was talking more with her ex made it sound like it was cause her kids but I felt it was something more . I should also add her husband physically abused her for yrs punched her beat her etc .in mid October he was thrown in jail for aledgidly beating his girlfriend up . Later my gf told she fell I still don't believe it but they dropped the charges . Around end of October I found a pic on fb her daughter posted of her sitting in his lap kissing him on the cheek . I had her blocked on fb due to pending charges I explained before earlier. I was devastated. A week went on and she explained he is moving in with her as friends to help with bills . We still saw each other . She ended up getting a new place with him and got evicted due to a injury tcops were called And neighbors complained and landlord said it was a disturbance . They moved in with her daughter . This was around febuary. After a few weeks he said he didn't want to be with her and I looked for a place for us . Found one in March . She moved in stayed a week then moved with her mom . She later after a few weeks got kicked out due to drinking and partying. Moved back in with her daughter this was end of April he didn't move in til may. I found out later after a few weeks he moved back in with them . Up until now at this very date she has a friend's with benefits kind of relationship with me but I can't call or text .

 

I probably seem mentally insane for wanting to stay with her and hold on but I've spent so many years with and we did have a really deep connection up until the point I moved out . I want to know if anyone has a had a similar situation with having a live in relationship with a married woman and still want to make work .

 

I would really appreciate the input to similar experiences and advice .

 

Thank you very much

 

Guitar man

peonyrose Established Member

peonyrose

Posted
Posted

I do not understand this situation or why you would stay in this mess. Oh my god stay away move on from this. Find someone who is stable. I am in a mess of a situation myself right now but totally not because I want to be or had much of a role to play in it. But I couldn't handle all that drama and confusement you have now. There is no other advise for you but to move on.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

You will find many people in this same situation in "The Other Man/Woman" section of this forum.

  • Author
GuitarMan1984 Member

GuitarMan1984

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

So , I will explain . 3-4 years ago I was with a woman that was separated from her husband not legally for a yr before we got together. We moved in after a few months together we spent over 3 1/2 years together . I got fed up with the way she was handling money was totally irresponsible constantly over drafted her account then I had to cover it . Got so bad that I had to get a joint bank account just to manage it better. Also I should add I am no saint either I am a musician I had girls that would flirt on social media but I never acted on it she knew about this .

 

A few days before I moved out I had all my stuff in a part of the room . I came home from work she wanted to talk . She was going to work in 30mins . I said I don't want to talk . Then just stopped talking altogether. She came at me started hitting punching me slapping . Hit my ear I believe ruptured it . I wasn't going to touch due to laws against men in az .

 

I called the cops went to hospital to save myself from legal and to prove to them . She lied and said I pushed her . After all this I had to move out immediately that night cops said . I stayed with family for a month and found a place in end of July all this happened in end of june . We still kept in touch when I found my apartment at end of july .

Now here comes the messed up part if it already wasn't enough ..lol

 

Around October she made hints she was talking more with her ex made it sound like it was cause her kids but I felt it was something more . I should also add her husband physically abused her for yrs punched her beat her etc .in mid October he was thrown in jail for aledgidly beating his girlfriend up . Later my gf told she fell I still don't believe it but they dropped the charges . Around end of October I found a pic on fb her daughter posted of her sitting in his lap kissing him on the cheek . I had her blocked on fb due to pending charges I explained before earlier. I was devastated.

 

A week went on and she explained he is moving in with her as friends to help with bills . We still saw each other . She ended up getting a new place with him and got evicted due to a injury tcops were called And neighbors complained and landlord said it was a disturbance . They moved in with her daughter . This was around febuary.

 

After a few weeks he said he didn't want to be with her and I looked for a place for us . Found one in March . She moved in stayed a week then moved with her mom . She later after a few weeks got kicked out due to drinking and partying. Moved back in with her daughter this was end of April he didn't move in til may. I found out later after a few weeks he moved back in with them . Up until now at this very date she has a friend's with benefits kind of relationship with me but I can't call or text .

 

I probably seem mentally insane for wanting to stay with her and hold on but I've spent so many years with and we did have a really deep connection up until the point I moved out . I want to know if anyone has a had a similar situation with having a live in relationship with a married woman and still want to make work .

 

I would really appreciate the input to similar experiences and advice .

 

Thank you very much

 

Guitar man

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6
  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

The two of you are very bad for each other.

 

It's a totally toxic relationship.

 

You should go No Contact, and not associate with each other ever again.

 

If you don't, the chaos will continue, and you'll keep on hurting each other, and others.

 

 

I know that isn't what you wanted to hear.

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

  • Like 3
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

I probably seem mentally insane for wanting to stay with her and hold on but I've spent so many years with and we did have a really deep connection up until the point I moved out . I want to know if anyone has a had a similar situation with having a live in relationship with a married woman and still want to make work .

 

I would really appreciate the input to similar experiences and advice .

 

Thank you very much

 

Guitar man

 

You don't have a deep connection. What you both have is a toxic attachment to each other. You both are bound and connected together by dysfunction. There is nothing loving, trustworthy, reliable, or healthy about your relationship with this woman. Move on. Aim higher.

 

I feel sorry for these kids.

  • Like 5
LD1990 Established Member

LD1990

Posted
Posted

So she hits you, lies to the police, gets you kicked out of your own home...and less than a year later you're finding a place for the two of you? You need to remove her from your life. She's going to use you for all you're worth, and she's not going to stop being physically violent with you, guaranteed. I've been there, had an ex who felt it was OK to grab me or hit me because I'm twice her size, it never got better. It's a no-win situation, especially for a man. If you stand there and take it, you can get hurt, like you did. If you retaliate at all, you risk spending a night in jail and being known as a woman beater for the rest of your life. Get out of this horrible "relationship" before it gets worse for you.

  • Like 2
whatnot Established Member

whatnot

Posted
Posted

Knowing how I felt 10 years ago towards the man my ex wife left with makes you a pretty brave guy.

  • Like 1
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author
GuitarMan1984 Member

GuitarMan1984

Posted
  • Author
Posted

So I was unable to see responses to these threads due to not selecting notification by email .

 

Anyways since moving for us I've continued seeing her shes back with her ex/husband living still in her daughters apt . Recently he's suggested that I she stopped seeing her. She said yes to him but still continues to see me despite his opinion. There is too much invested in this for me to let go . I will never give up .

 

Anyone have a similar situation or know someone at least going threw something like this . They are still married she was separated 1year prior to us meeting in the beginning reread if you like . I know its long ..lol also excuse my typing and language auto correct is very irritating.

  • Author
GuitarMan1984 Member

GuitarMan1984

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

So , I will explain . 3-4 years ago I was with a woman that was separated from her husband not legally for a yr before we got together. We moved in after a few months together we spent over 3 1/2 years together . I got fed up with the way she was handling money was totally irresponsible constantly over drafted her account then I had to cover it . Got so bad that I had to get a joint bank account just to manage it better. Also I should add I am no saint either I am a musician I had girls that would flirt on social media but I never acted on it she knew about this .

 

A few days before I moved out I had all my stuff in a part of the room . I came home from work she wanted to talk . She was going to work in 30mins . I said I don't want to talk . Then just stopped talking altogether. She came at me started hitting punching me slapping . Hit my ear I believe ruptured it . I wasn't going to touch due to laws against men in az .

 

I called the cops went to hospital to save myself from legal and to prove to them . She lied and said I pushed her . After all this I had to move out immediately that night cops said . I stayed with family for a month and found a place in end of July all this happened in end of june . We still kept in touch when I found my apartment at end of july .

Now here comes the messed up part if it already wasn't enough ..lol

 

Around October she made hints she was talking more with her ex made it sound like it was cause her kids but I felt it was something more . I should also add her husband physically abused her for yrs punched her beat her etc .in mid October he was thrown in jail for aledgidly beating his girlfriend up . Later my gf told she fell I still don't believe it but they dropped the charges . Around end of October I found a pic on fb her daughter posted of her sitting in his lap kissing him on the cheek . I had her blocked on fb due to pending charges I explained before earlier. I was devastated.

 

A week went on and she explained he is moving in with her as friends to help with bills . We still saw each other . She ended up getting a new place with him and got evicted due to a injury tcops were called And neighbors complained and landlord said it was a disturbance . They moved in with her daughter . This was around febuary.

 

After a few weeks he said he didn't want to be with her and I looked for a place for us . Found one in March . She moved in stayed a week then moved with her mom . She later after a few weeks got kicked out due to drinking and partying. Moved back in with her daughter this was end of April he didn't move in til may. I found out later after a few weeks he moved back in with them . Up until now at this very date she has a friend's with benefits kind of relationship with me but I can't call or text .

 

I probably seem mentally insane for wanting to stay with her and hold on but I've spent so many years with and we did have a really deep connection up until the point I moved out . I want to know if anyone has a had a similar situation with having a live in relationship with a married woman and still want to make work .

 

I would really appreciate the input to similar experiences and advice .

 

Thank you very much

 

Guitar man

Edited by GuitarMan1984
I need notice of replies of users
justmellow New Member

justmellow

Posted
Posted
So I was unable to see responses to these threads due to not selecting notification by email .

 

Anyways since moving for us I've continued seeing her shes back with her ex/husband living still in her daughters apt . Recently he's suggested that I she stopped seeing her. She said yes to him but still continues to see me despite his opinion. There is too much invested in this for me to let go . I will never give up .

 

Anyone have a similar situation or know someone at least going threw something like this . They are still married she was separated 1year prior to us meeting in the beginning reread if you like . I know its long ..lol also excuse my typing and language auto correct is very irritating.

 

Hey man. You said you will never give up, and thats a good thing. But is she gonna feel the same way, if she did she wouldnt be back with her ex. I know you want to be with her, but what can you do if she doesnt want to. people are difficult and simple if you know what i mean.

 

theres not much for u to do but tell her how u feel, and see what happens after that. Tell her its you or him. And make your move from there.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Yeah, I was still technically married when I met and moved in with the new guy. That was in 1992 and we're still together. And this is where the similarities end. We've never had spending issues, violence, police involvement, lies or bothersome exes. I would have been out of the door without hesitation if our relationship looked like yours.

 

I can only agree with the others and reiterate that this is toxic and you need to get away from her.

  • Like 1
Tayla Established Member

Tayla

Posted
Posted

The connection of abuse is the only link in this relationship.

 

How quickly things crumble that are built on deceit and lies.

 

What is your definition of love? Is this relationship at all resembling it?

 

Those are the questions to ask and answer.

Robert Established Member

Robert

Posted
Posted

Members, multiple threads have been merged for this member and not edited. Each thread appears to give more to the underlying implications for other members to advise on. Please post responsibly. Thank you, ~ V

LD1990 Established Member

LD1990

Posted
Posted
I will never give up .

 

Well then you're in for a rough life.

 

Where's your self respect? You're her chump on the side, the guy she punched and then had arrested. No "deep connection" is worth that.

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

Do you have a death wish? Serious question.

 

Why would you want a relationship with a violent woman. Your ears are very important as a musician I'd say.

 

Do you want more criminal records with her false allegations?

 

Please use common sense.

Giggles666 Established Member

Giggles666

Posted
Posted

You seem to enjoy the guitar, here's my advice.

 

 

  • Like 1
  • Author
GuitarMan1984 Member

GuitarMan1984

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I will try to keep this as brief as possible. I was in a 31/2 relationship. Prior to getting together she was separated from her husband but not legally . Towards the last 6months of our relationship she became really careless with money . Put me in a position of handling everything and fixing her mistakes and even before this couldn't and wouldn't be responsible. This lead to fight and constant I eventually moved out we still stated in touch . Few months after I moved out found out on her daughters profile there was a picture of him she was sitting on her lap. I got very upset and wanted to know what was up . He was in jail for assault for his resent girlfriend she got him out of jail they ended up sleeping together . I later found out . I should add he also beat her up many times in the past she has told me herself .He was helping her with bills they broke up she went to her daughter to stay and we started seeing each we have been threw out all this and are still currently 5 months ago tried to get both us a place she stayed a week with me and went to live with her mom . She later got kicked out of there for drinking partying. Moved in with her daughter . Found out later her husband moved in a few weeks of living with her . As it is now she doesn't want me texting or calling her cause he has access to get phone . She comes and sees me we have sex and I express my feelings of love to her she says she still loves me too . I'm just so hurt and confused by all this

 

Anyone have a similar situation or have advice this would help emensly.

 

Thank-you !!!!!:)

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm not sure what advice you need other than what everyone has been telling you. Posting over and over again does not change the fact that each and everyone posting is going to tell you to leave her.

 

You mentioned that you will not give up. Then the only outcome is to suffer in a very unhealthy and volatile situation. There is no in between. There is no other alternative to make this a bearable situation. Likely you'll just stay in limbo until someone harms you for sleeping with his wife, or she sucks you dry and spits you out or you just get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

Edited by Zahara
  • Like 3
JAbba2gEther Member

JAbba2gEther

Posted
Posted (edited)
.

 

Anyways since moving for us I've continued seeing her shes back with her ex/husband living still in her daughters apt . Recently he's suggested that I she stopped seeing her. She said yes to him but still continues to see me despite his opinion. There is too much invested in this for me to let go . I will never give up .

 

Anyone have a similar situation or know someone at least going threw something like this . They are still married she was separated 1year prior to us meeting in the beginning reread if you like ....

 

Hello GuitarMan

 

I came from a family where my mother had experienced physical abuse from both her father and my father. I was the only son, and my father struggled with a mental illness. My mother was abused many times when my father could not cope with noise, with any disagreements they may have had at the time; and for times when he couldn't cope with his stress.

 

They remained married for over thirty years. My father died at the age of 62, which was over twenty years ago now. I decided to undertake a degree with studies of psychology and social welfare. As I delved into the world of social welfare and began to help others, I realised that there are many women who face domestic violence, and who remain in such situations because they have known nothing else.

 

Your 3 and a half odd years with her seemed to leave an impression on you. However, you noted that this was going to be a relationship that held some difficulties. You discovered this lady had major difficulties with managing money, and also did not know how to react when people denied her of money; or when she didn't get what she wanted. This led to attempted violence against you, together with lying to attempt to escape consequences.

 

You are definitely playing with fire if you continue a relationship with this lady. For this relationship to work, you must deal with her:

 

a. chronic lying

b. her family history of domestic violence

c. her inability to pay her bills and her habit of spending money freely

d. her tendency to drink hard to numb her pain, and to choose partners who may be violent and who may harm her.

 

This will take considerable patience and firm boundaries on your part. I wonder if you are prepared to be hurt physically or emotionally again? When one partner lives with a person with life dysfunctions, a co-dependency may develop. This means that you feel so good about helping her that she never learns to escape from her own cycle of pain. Are you ready for such a co-dependent relationship? You stated yourself that you think this is a 'friends with benefits' relationship. Are you ready to be on-call for her, and sharing her with an abusive husband who doesn't want you involved?

 

I am wondering what attracts you to such a girl. One who has obvious problems, seems to get into trouble all the time, and who seems to have many life controlling problems? Being a musician, I would expect that any number of females will be attracted to you. Why this one?

 

All the best, and I hope you make the right decisions in this moment of time.

Edited by JAbba2gEther
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