sadpanda3 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 When asking people what they think about their exes the standard answer seems to be: "She's a good person and I wish her well." There are some exes I can say this about and truly mean it. Some however, I do not consider good people. I do not wish them any ill, but I do not wish them any good either. In fact, when I have to see them (even years later!) I get slightly pissed/annoyed...I don't hate them, but I still dislike them. So I was wondering, were there any exes you never stoped being annoyed at? Even after years? Somehow there seems to be this notion that you should remember an ex fondly once you're done with them. Thats definitely not the case for me. 1
Satu Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I'm very much a 'live in the present' person, so my exes play no part in my life or feelings. They are of no more interest to me than last weeks weather forecast. The people currently in my life, get my full commitment, time, and love. 6
RecentChange Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Probably depends on how and why you broke up. I mean, you were with them at one point you must have liked them right? I am neutral towards my ex's "wish them well" - sure, sure. I haven't ever had a nasty break up - it was always the classic drifting apart, different directions. Wasnt the result of cheating to lying or any of that. I am left head scratching when people HATE their ex wives / ex husband's. I mean, at one point you pledged to love this person forever - and now they have no redeeming qualities? 3
Jabron1 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I am left head scratching when people HATE their ex wives / ex husband's. I mean, at one point you pledged to love this person forever - and now they have no redeeming qualities? Hate is just love disguised by jealousy 5
SammySammy Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Indifferent mostly. They are all "good people and I wish them well" or I wouldn't have been with them. All outstanding women. Makes me happy to know they are doing well, but it doesn't go any further than that. Just last night, my daughter told me my ex-wife said she didn't hate me. I know there's a thin line between love and hate and her "hating" me for so long meant she still felt something for me. Not hating me anymore means she's finally gotten over it. Indifferent. And that's a good thing. 3
gaig Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 When asking people what they think about their exes the standard answer seems to be: "She's a good person and I wish her well." There are some exes I can say this about and truly mean it. Some however, I do not consider good people. I do not wish them any ill, but I do not wish them any good either. In fact, when I have to see them (even years later!) I get slightly pissed/annoyed...I don't hate them, but I still dislike them. So I was wondering, were there any exes you never stoped being annoyed at? Even after years? Somehow there seems to be this notion that you should remember an ex fondly once you're done with them. Thats definitely not the case for me. You cannot put all of them in the same bucket.. Some were good choices and some others not, some made your life easier and others started showing their nasty real self after some time in the relationship. And finally some ended the relationship in love and others just vanished with no closure. Some of them are still holding a special part in your heart and others you see them every day in the bottom of the toilet just before you flush.. People are different, so don't feel guilty for distinguishing the most virtuous.. 1
kittyxo Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I am trying to think of the breakup as a blessing in disguise .. 1
sparkle222 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 One was rubbish, I always knew that and frankly I'm just glad he's out of my life. I don't care what he's up to as long as he never speaks to me again. I actually want him to be happy so that he has no desire to contact me. The other one (broke up nearly 3 years ago) I always thought was a good guy-- I didn't wish him any terrible ill although I did feel a lot of bitter spite towards him after a rubbish ending when he found someone else (I didn't want him to have a happy romantic life when I didn't). But I still thought he was fundamentally ok and that I hadn't been that great towards him either. Now, however, after this year, I really think he's slimy, mean and deceitful. So no, I can't say that I feel indifference towards him or wish him well because I think he's turned into a pretty bad person and hasn't treated me well at all in any way as a 'friend'. I don't wish him any ill either. I guess I just don't think he deserves anything better than something mediocre because that's how he's made me feel. 1
whatnot Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 It depends on the ex. Feelings are one thing and thoughts are another. 1
ty10 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I think it's how thing ended between you and if you believe it was for the right reasons. My ex from university - I genuinely wish her well and there are no hard feelings at all. We split up because we were going in different directions (her travelling, me work). The reasons for the break up were understandable and I hope she fulfills her potential. She's got a great job now and I'm chuffed to bits for her. My ex from last year - I honestly can say I dislike because of the way she ended things between us and the lies that were told. There wasn't any cheating involved but it ended on a sour note. Deep down I know she's a good person, I read people well, but her actions were cowardly and immature. Equally I take some blame as depression and insecurities led to me becoming a needy, clingy person. However, she chose not to work on our relationship. I actually had an awkward encounter with her a few weeks ago in a bar where both of our works had reserved areas - we didn't speak but it did confirm that I now felt an indifference towards her and that she wasn't the person I though she was. She's now a fake girl who smokes, most likely trying to fit in to her surroundings, I always felt she was a bit of a social chameleon who had to be liked rather than just being herself. Ah well. Live and learn. Each situation is different but I know that the two major relationships I've had so far in my life have ended at polar opposite scales. Both girls broke up with me but I think the difference is communication and maturity on the ex's part.
patooks Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I still am a bit bitter about the breakup. We were together for 8 months. But we lived together, I was a father figure to her child, I moved to an island to be with her etc. But she ended it, gave me false hope saying yes I want you back, I want to give us a 2nd chance etc, etc. Nothing came of it. She proceeded to block me from FB and never answer my texts. Nice, after all i did to make her life better. She has issues OCD, depression, anxiety etc so it was probably for the best.
Arieswoman Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I'm pretty ambivalent about all my exes apart from my exH. I always said if he stepped in front of my car I wouldn't be in a rush to hit the brakes. However, it's highly unlikely I would even recognise him after all these years 1
Zapbasket Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I have a complex range of feelings toward/regarding my last ex. Our breakup devastated me, and confused me terribly. He was very stuck in life when we dated and apathetic about it, and also didn't always respect my feelings or treat me like a partner, but more like an enemy for trying to help him and calling him out on his crap. It took me a long, long time to claw my way out of feeling traumatized by the end of our relationship. I'm still working through all the feelings. I don't think he's a bad guy, and I do still love him in my memories. He crosses my mind every day, sometimes passively, and sometimes with strong feelings of sadness. I miss him even while I am very clear now that the relationship was unhealthy, he was unhealthy, and it is a GOOD thing that it ended, for many reasons. But I also feel sadness that it had to be a "good thing" that it ended and regret that there wasn't a way we could have fixed our problems together and gone on to have the truly good relationship that at the time I believed was always a "potential." Now I'm not sure that I really had a clear view of that. I sometimes think of him as a rich and complex person whose problems just made it impossible for him to give to the relationship what he perhaps otherwise would have wanted to give. But equally I think of him as a narcissistically wounded person too mired in his own insecurities to really ever have been able to love me in a deep and genuine way. To be honest, I don't wish him well, particularly. I do feel he should suffer consequences for his apathy towards me, his situation, and our relationship, but I'm increasingly less invested in this idea. Since we have been out of contact for over two years now, for all I know he has suffered, and is suffering consequences for many of his choices in life, of which leaving me was only one. Or, he could be happy and our time together could be utterly out of his mind. In recent months, I've begun to feel that he truly is a stranger now. I don't think people change their stripes that much, and I did get to see many facets of him, so I suspect he is much the same as he was when we dated, just as I am still me for the most part even while I also think I've grown a lot. But overall I feel he has less and less bearing on my life, especially as I begin to truly see my next chapter dawning, that I intuit will take me far from him emotionally as it all unfolds. But I realize I know nothing. Perhaps there always will be a place in my heart for him, in a deep way. Which is also confusing since I don't think he was all that nice to me when all was said and done, and was a far cry from an ideal or even an adequate partner, and yet, he always has stirred, and to some extent continues to stir, such strong feelings in me. It's a complex mix, what I feel towards him. 1
smudge21 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Depends on how it all ended, but for the most part, once I'm totally healed from the experience and moved on, they mean zero to me. If I think about them, there's just nothing there - like thinking about a stranger. Life's too short to spend it thinking about people who don't think about you.
not-so-sure Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Depends on how it all ended, but for the most part, once I'm totally healed from the experience and moved on, they mean zero to me. If I think about them, there's just nothing there - like thinking about a stranger. Life's too short to spend it thinking about people who don't think about you. I like your sig. I'm friends with all my exes. Love doesn't disappear for me. It changes. I don't feel like I want to resume anything with them but they were an important part of my life at one time. I catch up with one every month or so. Another every year or two, but our time has well and truly passed and they remain good friends.
keiji Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) To me it all depends on how things ended and specially how they've behaved afterwards. I get the feeling that they show their true colors after a breakup, and sometimes those colors are darn ugly. That was my latest experience at least, and also with my ex-wife, who left five years ago. We've just seen each other once since then, to sign the divorce. I don't wish them bad, but I don't wish them well either. It would be hypocritical to say I wish them the best. Resentment? Not towards my ex-wife, a bit more towards my ex-girlfriend, even if I try to deny it. But it's a matter of time before I just feel indifference. I also feel a bit sorry for them, for how I think they are. Others I love and care about a lot. There's one I see once a week, sometimes more. We had the most terribly toxic relationship you can imagine. If I gave you the details, I could hear your facepalms from this side of the screen. I would have never imagined that 2+ years later we'd be this close, but I always considered her one of the best persons I've ever met, and I still do. I would do anything for her and I know she would too. Another one is coming along to Morocco this summer. Yet another one has invited me to see the new home her and her husband bought. I truly hope he finally changes his mind and they have kids, which is something she's always wished. Me and her husband get along very well and she always insists that he feels a lot of affection for me. So, you see, it's very difficult to make general statements on all of this. The one I got on the worst with is now an incredibly important part of my life. The one that seemed the sweetest and kindest person on earth (my ex-g, although that applies to my ex-wife too) has become one of the biggest disappointments of my life. I'm still recovering from the breakup, but chances that we ever become friends are slim, not to say non-existent. Edited June 14, 2016 by keiji
bummer Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I am very positive about all my exes but the last and hence my presence here on LS. I was generally the dumper or things ended mutually and after a few months or years some light contact and perhaps an in person meet up would confirm indifference and goodwill from both of us. This last one unfortunately resents my mass upon the earth partly due to my contact with exes. I am moving towards accepting who she is and how she wishes to feel after nearly 2 months after she finally ended it. I wish her and her rebound guy lots of luck and hope her therapy can get her to forgive me someday. I FEEL we should still be together but KNOW that's crazy talk, that I dodged a howitzer aimed at my heart, and that I've been given the best blessing ever with the keys to my self-worth back again.
Toodaloo Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I am lucky to have mostly dated fantastic men. I am still in touch with some and they are dear friends. I still love them dearly but that love is and always has been as a friend not a lover - hence the break up! I don't think of them as exes I think of them as friends. Some I have lost contact with over the years but have no hard feelings and would happily sit in a pub over a pint and catch up. I always hope they are doing well. At worst I feel indifferent. I figure as the body regenerates every few years I can be glad that now there is not a single part of me that they have touched... There are only one or two like that though. Makes me laugh really. I was in the park with my new beau and his son at the weekend and saw the ex that messed me up for years. I was a real mess after him. Full on mental break down. Lost everything. Had to start from scratch and it was a hard time. I lost all sense of myself and was a broken woman for a long time because of that man. I felt nothing. No anger, no hate, no love, no jitters. Just nothing. Weird that just over a decade ago I would have given my life to him and married him. Now he is just some chap I used to know. Worse than that, just some bloke. My new beau said something or other about him, something about one of the kids in the playground saying hello to him. My exes name seemed alien from my new beaus mouth as though he was talking about someone I had never met... Oh well. We live and learn. 1
gaig Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 .... Wow, thanks for sharing that! All this process you've been through to understand his personality and his needs just shows me he is hell of a loser.. 1
Zapbasket Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Wow, thanks for sharing that! All this process you've been through to understand his personality and his needs just shows me he is hell of a loser.. Gaig, just curious: how do you mean? (I can be hella dense sometimes ) )
urmysong Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Hate is just love disguised by jealousy I agree with this. If You don't have feelings anymore , then it means no more not even hate. No more is no more.
gaig Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Gaig, just curious: how do you mean? (I can be hella dense sometimes ) ) It is obvious you have spent so much energy and grey matter to analyze this person, his specifics, the real causes that led him to this behavior. And even though all signs are against him and his any contribution to your relationship and -more importantly- making you happy, you are still fighting not to keep bad feelings against him. He definitely lost much more than you did and this is sad. And it does get repeated so often..
jen1447 Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 how do you feel towards your exes? I'm fine with most of them.
NoLeafClover Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 If my ex was hanging off a cliff and just wanted me to help by giving a f++++...I would tell her that I dgaf. She can enjoy the baby she had with her a new man less than a year after we B.U
Recommended Posts