Jump to content

The Spark Argument After Sex

LAtoChiGuy

By LAtoChiGuy
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
Know what you mean, so I'm guessing the same applies to those, "Let's have sex, to see if there's a spark"

 

They weren't feeling it to begin with, but they figured...might as well sleep with each other anyways.

 

Though, I do have a hard time buying that there was no spark if they had decided to sleep together.

 

If figured it was the spark that triggers the desire to have sex...that's why I have a hard time buying that excuse.

 

When people here started saying, "There was no spark, but wanted to sleep with him/her to see if there's anything."

 

Your thinking is way too black and white here.

 

You can be attracted to someone, want to date them, want to sleep with them but have no chemistry with them.

It doesn't mean that a person is sleeping around if they do this, they are giving it a shot and seeing if those existing feelings of attraction grow into something more.

They don't think to themselves 'hey, last ditch attempt to see if they have any chemistry, let's try sleeping together'.

 

Chemistry is just as much out of the bedroom as in it too. People can have amazing chemistry outside the bedroom and this can completely fall flat inside the bedroom. It can also happen the other way around.

 

When I have said straight off that there is no chemistry (and I have on many occasions) it's a gentler way to say I have zero attraction to someone.

 

With the OP I think that she was obviously attracted but then over time she just realised that the chemistry was not there.

  • Like 1
LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted
Your thinking is way too black and white here.

 

You can be attracted to someone, want to date them, want to sleep with them but have no chemistry with them.

It doesn't mean that a person is sleeping around if they do this, they are giving it a shot and seeing if those existing feelings of attraction grow into something more.

They don't think to themselves 'hey, last ditch attempt to see if they have any chemistry, let's try sleeping together'.

 

Chemistry is just as much out of the bedroom as in it too. People can have amazing chemistry outside the bedroom and this can completely fall flat inside the bedroom. It can also happen the other way around.

 

When I have said straight off that there is no chemistry (and I have on many occasions) it's a gentler way to say I have zero attraction to someone.

 

With the OP I think that she was obviously attracted but then over time she just realised that the chemistry was not there.

 

I am trying to relate to what you said, Gemma, so I hope I can give an example of some experiences here...maybe you can explain.

 

Well, see there were times where I felt chemistry with someone, but I wouldn't act on it sexually because there were things in their lifestyle that turned me off. Say they were a smoker or they indulged in certain activities that I found to be morally compromising...booze and other substances. One I knew was prone to panic attacks.

 

Sure I could have slept with them,got involved, but the practical side to me said, "Dude, if you got involved with this woman, you'll be in a world of hurt."

 

I recall a woman I was trying to get to know that was Christian and single. Apparently she was in a wishy-washy relationship with a guy that didn't pay much attention to her to begin with, didn't return her calls. He was a smoker (she isn't) and wasn't a Christian.

 

She actually complained about this to me, so I figured she'd be writing him off pretty soon and going out with me.

 

I figured she took an interest in me since she gave me her #, but apparently she's still trying to "see how things go" with this guy, even though they aren't compatible.

 

He is attractive, physically, I'm guessing that's why she's sticking it out. But there's the whole "letting the hormones run your life"

 

Am silly at calling her foolish to see how things go with this guy? People get caught up in dating others that will make them miserable, but they they are "hot" enough, who cares, right? They let the attraction drive them too much to not thing in the long run...the big picture.

 

I'm a forward thinker in these matters.

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
I treated these men well. I really liked a few of them. I spent 2 months every day with one of them because he was so funny and fun to hang out with and generous in bed! I thought highly of him! I got him gifts when I went overseas and I was always super super thankful when he treated me to things!

 

The reason women like me did this type of thing was, well - we are in our prime years and are still hot and get a lot of male attention! Women love to be worshiped and adored!

 

The men I was into didn't reciprocate yet they thought I was " hot". All this feels really hollow when compared to a friend of mine, who is GORGEOUS and met the absolute love of her life- SHE got the guy she fell hard for and was actually into!

 

I loved the feeling of chemistry, wheere BOTH people MUTUALLY fall hard for one another!

 

I also loved the feeling of companionship I had in my prior relationship, where we were BEST FRIENDS and had SO MUCH FUN together, yet the sexual spark was absent from his end!

 

I wanted BOTH of those things! I got impatient and tried to artificially manufacture it.

 

So, on behalf of all women who have inadvertently led you on DESPITE not feeling a spark? SORRY!

 

I am sorry for the women like me. For what it is worth, I felt TERRIBLE - absolutely awful, when I had to break the hearts of at least 3 other men in my life. I HATED IT. I felt CONSUMED with bad feelings/ guilt!

 

In fact, I PREFERED getting my heart broken! Than having to .... feel self inflicted presure, go through the motions of convincing and deluding myself that " the fireworks ARE THERE< MMKAY!" and then ultimately,realising that FCK IT, this aint gunna work!

 

SO yeah, Soz man. I sure learnt my lesson. 3 broken hearts later:lmao:

 

My heart wasn't broken. I was just bummed when I realized what was going on.

However when a woman doesn't feel that raw sexual attraction to me I can tell and it makes me lose interest.

 

They liked me for sure and were pretty good to me but it felt like they were going through the motions and trying to force it and that is actually a turn-off.

It's like something is missing & you find yourself trying to fill the void and end up acting clingy. :sick:

 

That's when I know it's time to bail.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
I am trying to relate to what you said, Gemma, so I hope I can give an example of some experiences here...maybe you can explain.

 

Well, see there were times where I felt chemistry with someone, but I wouldn't act on it sexually because there were things in their lifestyle that turned me off. Say they were a smoker or they indulged in certain activities that I found to be morally compromising...booze and other substances. One I knew was prone to panic attacks.

 

Sure I could have slept with them,got involved, but the practical side to me said, "Dude, if you got involved with this woman, you'll be in a world of hurt."

 

I recall a woman I was trying to get to know that was Christian and single. Apparently she was in a wishy-washy relationship with a guy that didn't pay much attention to her to begin with, didn't return her calls. He was a smoker (she isn't) and wasn't a Christian.

 

She actually complained about this to me, so I figured she'd be writing him off pretty soon and going out with me.

 

I figured she took an interest in me since she gave me her #, but apparently she's still trying to "see how things go" with this guy, even though they aren't compatible.

 

He is attractive, physically, I'm guessing that's why she's sticking it out. But there's the whole "letting the hormones run your life"

 

Am silly at calling her foolish to see how things go with this guy? People get caught up in dating others that will make them miserable, but they they are "hot" enough, who cares, right? They let the attraction drive them too much to not thing in the long run...the big picture.

 

I'm a forward thinker in these matters.

 

This is the exact opposite situation of the OP.

 

We're talking about dating someone who is very compatible and would be a great partner for someone, but the strong desire to have sex with them just isn't there. She hopes it will get better with time, gives it "the old college try" (including sex), and eventually realizes it isn't going to happen.

  • Like 2
LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted
My heart wasn't broken. I was just bummed when I realized what was going on.

However when a woman doesn't feel that raw sexual attraction to me I can tell and it makes me lose interest.

 

They liked me for sure and were pretty good to me but it felt like they were going through the motions and trying to force it and that is actually a turn-off.

It's like something is missing & you find yourself trying to fill the void and end up acting clingy. :sick:

 

That's when I know it's time to bail.

 

Yeah, I had a couple of women I went out with and our discussions and what we talked about were completely polar opposite in our beliefs and she STILL wanted to seem me again, and I was like, "Really?! After it was completely obvious our belief systems are polar opposites, you still want to go out again?"

LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted
This is the exact opposite situation of the OP.

 

We're talking about dating someone who is very compatible and would be a great partner for someone, but the strong desire to have sex with them just isn't there. She hopes it will get better with time, gives it "the old college try" (including sex), and eventually realizes it isn't going to happen.

 

Right...but most women I've found put those guys in the friend zone, which is probably a good thing in that case.

 

So I wonder what differentiates the two? What drives someone to give it the "college try", as opposed to "Sorry, just not feelin' it, even though we're compatible on paper."

 

Sorry, but this is just something I find paradoxical. I can't wrap my mind around this concept. Why give it the college try? Is it just because they're horny at the time? Is it a mood thing?

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
Right...but most women I've found put those guys in the friend zone, which is probably a good thing in that case.

 

So I wonder what differentiates the two? What drives someone to give it the "college try", as opposed to "Sorry, just not feelin' it, even though we're compatible on paper."

 

Sorry, but this is just something I find paradoxical. I can't wrap my mind around this concept. Why give it the college try? Is it just because they're horny at the time? Is it a mood thing?

 

It's because she perceives the guy to be great boyfriend/husband material, and wishes she felt attracted. So she tries.

  • Like 1
GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
I am trying to relate to what you said, Gemma, so I hope I can give an example of some experiences here...maybe you can explain.

I'll give it a go! :)

 

 

Well, see there were times where I felt chemistry with someone, but I wouldn't act on it sexually because there were things in their lifestyle that turned me off. Say they were a smoker or they indulged in certain activities that I found to be morally compromising...booze and other substances. One I knew was prone to panic attacks.

I think you felt attraction to a level where lust came in. Being that you are Christian I will explain my use o the word lust so as not to disrespect you.

It's that sight of her, the smell of her (OK, maybe not so much with a smoker), the electric feeling if you're sitting beside each other and your legs happen to touch. Having those feelings when you are attracted is normal but it doesn't equal chemistry. It's desire.

The things that deterred you were values based. Without similar values there is no good bet things will last as you're incompatible. Chemistry is not there if you are incompatible or will not last.

 

I recall a woman I was trying to get to know that was Christian and single. Apparently she was in a wishy-washy relationship with a guy that didn't pay much attention to her to begin with, didn't return her calls. He was a smoker (she isn't) and wasn't a Christian.

 

She actually complained about this to me, so I figured she'd be writing him off pretty soon and going out with me.

 

I figured she took an interest in me since she gave me her #, but apparently she's still trying to "see how things go" with this guy, even though they aren't compatible.

 

He is attractive, physically, I'm guessing that's why she's sticking it out. But there's the whole "letting the hormones run your life"

 

Am silly at calling her foolish to see how things go with this guy? People get caught up in dating others that will make them miserable, but they they are "hot" enough, who cares, right? They let the attraction drive them too much to not thing in the long run...the big picture.

 

I'm a forward thinker in these matters.

 

She knows what she has isn't going anywhere but they probably have chemistry in the bedroom but not outside of it.

# or not you should walk right away from someone who is involved with someone else.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...