Esp1138 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 (edited) Today is my fortieth birthday. I am always alone. I never had a girlfriend. Women were never interested in me. I would get turned down when I asked a woman out on a date. They would humiliate me or become hostile. Female friends turned into enemies. Many good friendships were destroyed this way. Lowering my standards was no different. Even ugly women would turn me down to my surprise. Women disappoint me. I am sad that no one was a match. These experiences have turned me into more than a misogynist; I am a misanthrope. I hate alpha males and I despise beautiful women. They are all shallow and materialistic. I tried everything to improve myself. I did research books in the library, I read online forums, I tried to be bolder and more sociable, I tried online dating and even speed dating. Nothing worked. Despite being very unlucky, I had high self esteem in my late 20's and early 30's. I was told on few occasions that I was a handsome man. I really believed that for a time. I could never figure out why women my age would not agree. They always found me to be boring and unattractive. Sometimes they would ignore me completely. It hurts me to think about this. It hurts me more to know that my parents will never be grandparents. In my youth I desired many women whom I could never be the man of their dreams. Girls never in a million years would fight over me. How I still envy the popular men. What is their secret? What is an unfortunate man like myself to do? I prayed to every god for help. None responded. I have forced myself to accept that I am better off alone. Relationships would not work for me as evidenced by my short list of friends. I have only one suggestion for all of you who are like me: get a pet. This helps tremendously. It feels good to have someone who appreciates you even if it is only for food. Edited June 13, 2016 by Esp1138 Forgot something. 2
bummer Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Don't worry what the popular dudes do. Do you. You have a pet, meet other pet people. Maybe 50 will be your time to make a lasting relationship. Don't worry and try to be happy as you where and how you are. That confidence will be a natural beacon for some lucky lady to find you. Keep making you better. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Perhaps LA is your problem OP. I mean, everything I know about LA (and I have friends who've lived there) is how notorious it is for being shallow and materialistic. Everyone seems to have a private agenda and out for themselves do I'm not surprised you're having these issues. Have you ever considered moving elsewhere? 1
Author Esp1138 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 Hello everyone. Thank you for responding very fast. I like your optimism. I also agree that L.A. sucks. The people are terrible. Foreigners are much nicer people but they soon too adopt the Angelino attitude. 2
urmysong Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Just be You.... The right woman for You will come at the right time...just be patient. 40 is still young...dont loose hope... 1
Toodaloo Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Quit winging - it comes across as desperate. You are also coming across as being selfish as you "despise beautiful women" and "hate Alpha males". A man who is comfortable and confident in himself is just pleased for people who have something going for them. A good man, a kind man wouldn't harbour these thoughts. Perhaps that is why none of the God answered your questions... Like someone else suggested join groups of other pet owners. Go and get involved in activities that you enjoy and where you can learn new skills that have nothing to do with dating but will help increase your social circles. If someone like Danny De Vito can marry someone as gorgeous as Rhea Perlman then really you should be able to find someone too. The only thing stopping you is yourself. Never have I heard of Danny De Vito complain or "we is me" he just is who he is and he rocks at being him. Take a few lessons from that guy. Happy Birthday by the way! 2
smackie9 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Read "The Secret" or rent the dvd. There are some really good points in there about how to turn peoples reactions around in how they respond to you. Believe it or not it's something that you are projecting that causes this. I say give it a try, it wouldn't hurt. maybe it will give you some motivation. 3
S_A Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I sort of agree with Michelle. LA can be a difficult place to assimilate (this may not be the best word). I love LA with a passion. Maybe even a blind passion? But I understand that LA is not for all types of people (normal people) because us LA folk can be weird. Read "The Secret" or rent the dvd. There are some really good points in there about how to turn peoples reactions around in how they respond to you. Believe it or not it's something that you are projecting that causes this. I say give it a try, it wouldn't hurt. maybe it will give you some motivation. I know that was meant for the OP, but this sounds interesting. I'm already in a happy relationship but I will look in to this. Thanks! 1
carnelian Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Most women are shallow and materialistic (in U.S. at least) but so are most men. When I was 40 I had many dates that usually did not mean much to me and ended badly. Went nowhere. Then I found 2 women who I went out with for bout a year. So I say don't give up just yet but if you still don't meet anyone by 50 you should probably not pursue them. Try to be more cautious before you ask out a girl or for their phone. Don't make the mistake of rushing into it If you do not make much money or have a less reputable job, avoid mentioning it or else greatly exagerrate it. In your case, direct honesty is not the best choice or approach. 2
TheArtist Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Today is my fortieth birthday. Happy birthday! Women were never interested in me. I would get turned down when I asked a woman out on a date. They would humiliate me or become hostile. Female friends turned into enemies. Many good friendships were destroyed this way. OK, don't ask out your friends, that almost never works. A large part of this could be the way you're going about it, and I supect that's the case here. If you're talking to a woman and the conversation is going well, don't suddenly come out with, 'So are we going on a date then?', expecially if she isn't flirting (or is a friend), or if you've only been talking for two minutes. That's probably why you're getting those kinds of rejections. You need to be interested in what people have to say, not just women, but everyone, and don't fake it. Find people who you can genuinely be interested in, not just pretend you are so you can get a girlfriend. Lowering my standards was no different. You shouldn't do that in any situation, and that doesn't just apply to dating. You should be the best you can be, that way you'll be confident, happy, and feel like you're going somewhere. Even ugly women would turn me down to my surprise. That's your opinion, and it's not a terribly attractive trait to have. Don't think like that. I hate alpha males and I despise beautiful women. They are all shallow and materialistic. If this attitude comes through in your conversations, even as subtext, then you're not going to be doing much dating. There are types of people we all dislike, but everyone is drawn to positivity. I tried everything to improve myself. I did research books in the library, I read online forums, I tried to be bolder and more sociable, I tried online dating and even speed dating. Nothing worked. Despite being very unlucky, I had high self esteem in my late 20's and early 30's. I have forced myself to accept that I am better off alone. Relationships would not work for me as evidenced by my short list of friends. It sounds like you're not happy in yourself. If you don't love yourself, then no one else will. Do you have ambitions? Hobbies you're proud of? Push those forward, become obsessed with them, make them part of your life and you'll become a better and more unique person for it. Do it!! 2
Satu Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 From my journal: To be loved, be loving. To find peace, be peaceful. To find forgiveness, be forgiving. To be cared about, be caring. To be treated kindly, be kind. To be understood, be understanding. To have friends, be friendly. We can only receive what we give. Take care. 7
todreaminblue Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 op i had to look up misanthrope...i knew it meant hate..but to find out that you hate humankind...if that is the case you are posting on a place called...loveshack......it doesnt make sense that you would come to a place and choose to post...when its loving concern often given ...here i have never met a misanthrope.....i doubt you really are...i have met however really twisted and hurt people.....you sound hurt to me....i wouldnt worry about meeting anyone ugly or beautiful...i would if i were you join something you love to do and get in touch with love....any way you can......love will save you... i know when god doesnt answer me.....its when i have to find things out for myself.....its nto really god not answering me...its god trusting in me.....in knowing me and knowing i can handle it and i need to handle it ...either for growth...a lesson....or to benefit me more by doing it myself.....giving me strength by allowing me to find my own strength..dont give up praying and havign faith.....it shouldnt die as soon as you dont get your own way.... you have to work out who you are...and not be so judgey with others...like labeling beautiful or ugly...beauty is often on the inside.....you need to find your own beauty first to see the beauty in others..... as another poster said ...if you love your pet join other pet lovin groups...meet people with interests such as yours......and start seeing love for what love is....and reflect what you desire.....good luck...deb 2
LeslieWalsh Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Really? I always thought 40 year old men have it easier than single 40 year old women-mostly because older men have options of choosing their pick on younger women. I guess its a no win situation for men and women. Not to be rude, but have you tried escort services? Just curious.
Author Esp1138 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 @carnelian: Thank you Carnelian. Your honesty is very useful. I expect to reach 50 soon. Time goes fast when you look around. All my family members of my generation are married with kids. @TheArtist: I gave up on people. I am a horrible person with an equal attitude to match. There is no dating in my future. I am old. @Satu: Nice poem. @Todreaminblue: I mean't to post this as a journal however I did not want to pay a premium for that. I did not really expect replies; only to share an experience. @LeslieWalsh: Very interesting question. I might answer you if you were a therapist.
Satu Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 (edited) You've given up, then That's a shame, but you're free to do so. Last week I flew with a very good aerobatic pilot, who is paralysed from the nipples down. He didn't give up. Take care. Edited June 20, 2016 by Satu
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Maybe it's a generational thing or been going on mainly in the past half century
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